When you see someone in a wheelchair, what do you do?

I dont do anything, or anything that i wouldn’t normally do with any other person.

If it were Gary-aka wtf – I’d ask him to dance with me. I act the same when I see people with glasses, canes, walkers, seeing-eye dogs and too many grocery bags.

My mother had MS when I was born. I saw her go from able bodied to immobility. In between those extremes she spent a lot of time in a wheelchair. So from what I know of her and other wheelchair users I have met, they want to be treated just like everyone else. I don’t assume that they need me or are incapable of doing anything except walking. So, I treat them just like any other person—I pay no attention unless something remarkable happens.

This is not to say that I don’t offer to help someone in a wheelchair with something if they need it, I just don’t go around looking for these people’s weaknesses.

Just another person like you and me. If necessary I may casually, naturally offer help but not insist on it. I try never to pity anyone, I think pity is a cruel emotion.

I don’t really do anything. If I catch their eye I would smile or say hello, like I would with anyone else. If I am in the market and they are trying to reach for something I might offer to help get it, just like I do for shorter people. Wheelchairs are really a non-issue for me.

I make an effort to acknowledge them without patronizing them by assuming they need help with every little thing. Before helping I ask them if there is anything I can do.

They are first and foremost people. I let that be my guide.

Honestly, I think “wow, my sister would love that wheelchair!”.
Outside of that, they are people. Like you. Like me.
I don’t treat them any differently.

It really depends on the situation and person. I know when I’m in my wheelchair I get tired of people smiling at me all the time. I know it sounds a bit mean, yet think about going through your day with everyone saying ‘oh you’re so brave’ in a smile. It gets annoying. I’m lucky I don’t have to use the chair often anymore, so perhaps it’s a matter of me wanting to appear ‘normal’ and stop having so many people smiling at me because I’m on wheels.

So what I do, is to look at them and smile if the situation calls for it. If I make casual eye contact, then I do nothing really- just like I do with everyone else. I don’t smile at the guy in the grocery store because he’s picking up frozen peas and I happen to glance his way.

If I bump into them, talk to them about something or have something to interact with them with, then I smile and talk to them. Same as anyone else, really.

This is a very interesting question. I more or less act the same way others have mentioned, however I do think there is a more complex dynamic going on, at least with myself, than something as simple as pity or empathy for another’s disability. Whether someone is in a wheelchair, blind, morbidly obese—whatever apparent disability or uniqueness to their appearance that sets them apart—I do feel the original poster’s comment about trying to make eye contact, “to make the world seem a kindler place” is not just understandable, but appropriate. Being in a wheelchair, or being blind, or being obese, sets people apart. It makes it slightly harder, and less likely that others will approach them, for conversation, for friendship, you name it. That’s not a statement about my prejudice against people with disabilities, it’s my social observation. So if that’s the case, that people in wheelchairs are engaged by others less often—and in the case of someone in a wheelchair, there’s the fact that they’re generally situated lower than most adults in a social setting where others are standing—then I think it is incumbent for kind people everywhere to make a slight extra effort to engage others with special circumstances, if only to compensate for their instinct not to. I agree: It’s a slippery slope between kindness and pity, but I think the net effect of trying to treat everyone the same, regardless of their situation, is that most of us overcompensate so as not to seem overly empathic—leaving individuals with disabilities further isolated.

@pallen123 I find it interesting that you put being in a wheelchair and being blind with being obese.

Nothing, unless they need assistance with something…but I’d do that for anyone. I also explain to my son what it is, since whenever he sees one, he asks me if it’s a bike of some sort, and I explain it’s a wheelchair for people who need it to get around. I don’t think it bugs people when little kids get inquisitive though.

Sometimes the elderly get treated differently too. I have been to the doctor with my mom or my mother in law and have had to say, “She’s right there, talk to her, not me!”
I hate it when people are treated like they’re invisible as much as when they are singled out.

@JLeslie how so? They’re all conditions that impact one’s sense of self and social experiences. In so many cases obesity isn’t a choice, it’s hereditary.

@casheroo We were at the mall with my sister one time, and this boy (couldn’t have been older than 5) came up to her and started asking a ton of questions about her wheelchair. He was touching it and inspecting it. He asked if he could hold her hand because “she has a cool chair”. His mother then came over, grabbed him by his arm and scolded him. Then she sent him to the car (alone). “Don’t you dare touch people like that!”. She was downright angry that her son even asked questions. I responded quickly with some not so nice words once her son was out of hearing distance.

@casheroo Beautiful example of a child’s outlook on people. Somewhere along the line, as we become grownups, some of the well-intentioned lessons we’re taught about how to treat others, get’s all screwed up. Social correctness gone bad.

@gemiwing – That is kind of what I’m afraid of. I want to make people feel good and I do try to smile at pretty much everyone I make eye contact with, regardless of wheels or no wheels. I think it feels good when you have that momentary connection with someone when you share a smile.. it definitely brightens my day. I don’t want people to think I pity them, because my smile is meant to say, I see you and I acknowledge you, nothing condescending.

I recognize and am sensitive to the fact that disabled people want to be treated like anyone else. I would never assume they’re not capable of doing the same things and never assume they need help unless there’s an obvious struggle (and then I would politely ask if I can help, rather than just jumping in).

There’s the other side of the coin, which is the differentness aspect. That is something I have a lot of experience with, so my desire is to connect with someone to offset any sense of difference they may feel. I know that being at eye-level with people’s belts means that someone in a wheelchair may get somewhat overlooked, or talked over, or ignored. I want to make everyone feel good, disabled or not, and having struggled with being different and weird my whole life, it’s a common connection.

Just, as I said, I don’t mean to piss anyone off, remind them that they’re different, or make them feel bad in any way because that’s so completely opposite of who I am and how I go through the world. I just want people to feel seen and validated, you know?

My behavior doesn’t change when I see someone in a wheelchair. I don’t understand why this would make someone uncomfortable.

Um…nothing unless circumstances require. If I think assistance is needed, I offer, generally getting into or our of a car. Otherwise, nothing. One of my guys is in a chair. He wheels himself around.
I saw a guy in a wheelchair trying to rob a store just the other night.
I never make assumptions about anybody.

@MissAnthrope I didn’t mean to give the impression that the pity look was the one you’re giving. Or that every smile I received was a pity smile- sorry if I wasn’t more clear on that.

I think we all, differently abled or not, can tell when someone is just blowing sunshine up our skirts. If smiling suits your personality- it’ll show and will only offend old crotchety bastards like me on a bad day ;)

I think one should do what they would naturally do with anyone else. If you’re a smiler, smile away. If you stare, then stare too. I guess my point was more akin to ‘do what you do with everyone else, even if you’re a jerk, because being nice because of a wheelchair is still treating someone different than a ‘normal’ person’.

I was thinking about what being treated like anyone else means to me and it made me remember how few people would call me out on my shit when I was in the chair, and how it annoyed me because if I had been standing they would have decked me. (or at least told me to shove off)

Nothing different.

Someone in a wheelchair may have many more perks and pleasures than lots of walking people. Smiles and hellos are lovely to me if natural.

If I am with my boyfriend we usually stop and have a conversation because odds are good he knows them. When I am not with my boyfriend I find myself staring, mostly to try to figure out if they are a para or a quad and to check out their chair. I do tend to smile.

I just re-read that it kind of sounds horrible! For those who don’t know, my boyfriend uses a wheelchair.

I’m like @slick44 I don’t treat them any different than I do another person. I’ve come in contact with so many disabled people, It just doesn’t affect me anymore like it used to. The only thing I think I do different for people with wheelchairs, crutches, or canes, is hold the door open for them when I can… Try not to think of it as an “emotional issue” to craft a way to approach, I think you should just treat them normally.

@WolfFang… yes exactly. of coarse if they were to ask for help, then i would gladley give it.

I notice it, that’s all. If I’m being honest, truly honest, I’d want a ride in it. Not their wheelchair, of course, but a free one. :)

@pallen123 It makes sense what you said. I grew up with a father who was always fat (back then he was big, he is probably average now that America has gained so much weight). It never occurs to me to treat obese people differently, and I don’t think of them as disabled.

However, to your point I once saw many years ago on tv a study that was conducted with young children asking who they would like or not like to be friends with. They had pictures of children who were black, white, Asian, in a wheelchair, and fat. Consistently the overweight child was the least desirable to the other children.

See the person, not the wheelchair. Germany’s finance minister for example. He’s a gifted speaker. He’s a good debater. And so forth.

I basically just smile and say hello. Treat everybody as equals and everything should be fine. You should still however be more considerate to PWD’s.