What is the biggest animal you think you can defeat in hand-to-hand combat?
This stems from a discussion at work. I figured I could take out any animal under 120 lbs and most people thought I was nuts, arguing how tough a pitbull or wolf is. Most people were thinking they could defeat animals in the 50–80lb range, like badgers and bobcats, but “tougher” (dumber?) guys sided with me. I think if a warthog or pitbull were attacking, while I may suffer terrible injuries I believe I’d emerge victorious. I kind of picture getting a righteous kick in the things head before it got to me, then just beating the shit out of whatever it is as fast as possible. What do you think you could defeat?
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
78 Answers
Warthogs are evil creatures of the underworld and should never be underestimated.
I think I could take a cow as long as I got the jump on it. Wait, they kick like hell.
A dog maybe, but just to be safe I’ll go with guinea pigs.
Where do you live that you have 50–80 pound badgers?
Near a nuclear power plant.
I could drop a manatee no problem.
There is more to the equation than just dead weight.
Got news for Ya ,most chimps are under 120 pounds and 4 times stronger than a burly man !
To answer your question a 1,200 lbs shark ! You drop it in my front yard and I’ll kick the crap out of it !
Then I can defeat most chimps, but it would take cunning.
Cunning… or a gun?
A chimp would tear you apart in minutes.
A chimp would tear me apart in minutes, which is why my strategy would be to defeat it in less than a minute. Cunning, you see.
@cockswain More news 4Ya ! A chimp’s method of fighting is to bite off your Nads,rip open your face and detach both your hands ! Wanna see pix of a chimp attack ? hope you got a strong stomach !
I vote for the chimp – they’re not afraid to fling some poo.
@Pretty_Lilly The chimp that got that woman had the element of surprise. I would allow it no such advantage.
@cockswain I know what you’re talking about but actually, I was thinking of a guy who had his Nads ripped off by an escaped chimp !
Obviously I’d fight dirty as well.
An opossum or a guinea pig.
Heck I can’t even take down a spider. But if I had to chose a bigger animal I say the answer must be my dear husband! He’s 5’10 and 160 lbs. :P
A turkey, i’d knock the stuffing out of that festive freak.Assuming I could catch the little bugger.
@talljasperman I’d gobble him up for dinner. Danger pah, I laugh in the face of danger,well behinds it’s back sort of cowering in a corner.
@ucme Try hunting the elusive Roseanne Barr
@talljasperman I’d recognise that cackling irritating laugh anytime anyplace.
I could definitely take a squirrel. Fuck yeah.
Maybe a cat, but they scratch and that hurts. :(
Size isn’t everything. Each animal has it’s own abilities.
But I’d say….a wolf, perhaps. I’ve fought off a bobcat before, so I know that wouldn’t be too hard. A wolf would be a nice challenge, but I could find ways. That said, a wolf probably wouldn’t attack me, so I would have no reason to fight it.
I accidentally stepped on the bobcat’s tail.
Do you mind describing the bobcat fight? Also, regarding the wolf, assume a cage match.
@DominicX, tough guy! I wouldn’t dare tackle a squirrel. They are fighters. Not one of them has ever seen a Disney movie.
Yeah – has anyone ever beted @jbfletcherfan in a fight?
@cockswain It was back in 9th grade, so I can’t quite remember the details (you’d think it’d be pretty memorable!), but t was something like this:
I was walking through the woods, & I stepped on what I thought was a moldy stick (I was a bit buzzed), & I heard a yowl from the bushes. Next thing I knew, there was a bobcat in my face! I was knocked down, & after a lot of flailing & scratching, I managed to throw it off. I think I grabbed it by the shoulders or something. It ran away hissing.
When I stood up, I was like “Wow, was that a bobcat?” I didn’t even know bobcats were in that forest! I hope I didn’t hurt it too bad….
@Draconess25 Most impressive, thanks for sharing your story.
I’d like to point out that @Draconess25 profile states she is 4’11”, and seasonally ranges from 90–120lbs. And she whipped a bobcat that knocked her down. And she’d be willing to take on a wolf. You folks only claiming to be able to barely escape with your life against a flying squirrel or guinea pig may wish to step up your game a bit.
I could take my poofy cat. She’s so lazy she fights lying down on her back.
But really she’s so cute I would probably just hug her and kiss the flat top of her head, my favorite part.
The only way I think that could kill someone is if it immediately severed the Achille’s tendon, than as the victim keeled in pain, it ripped out the jugular. But I think kicking the thing as if one were attempting a 30 yd field goal would be sufficient to emerge victorious.
I’ve fought alley cats…. that wouldn’t let me go into my own back-door… they were tough
4’11” and 3 quarters of bad-assedness.
Hmm, the biggest… Trying to think of something big and sissy. No to an elephant. Definitely not a rhino or an alligator. Manatees are very peaceful, but I don’t think I could beat one up because they’re so nice. Can I do a human? Wanna fight?
@silverfly It depends. Are you a good enough challenge?
@Draconess25 Bring it. :-P We’ll make it “Bring It On 18” or “Fight Club 2”.
@silverfly You’re toast! Do you have any experience?
@talljasperman I don’t blame them,I wouldn’t let you go into your own back-door,, at least not in front of me ,,,,,EEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
This might be one of the funniest questions ever asked on fluther. Does it have to have “hands” or merely handlike appendages. If that is the case, I think I could defeat a blue whale in hand to hand combat, depending on the medium- on land I would win- at sea, it would win.
Honestly, not to join the haters- but I really highly doubt you could fend off a wolf. Maybe possible- I think it would win 9 out of 10 times though. I mean it’s possible to fend off a bear too- just very improbable.
Do you think you could beat a wolverine?
I think I could take on a chicken. I think I should be able to kick between the legs, they are about the size of a soccer ball.
If I could arm myself with something, to use as a weapon… or if I had some time to prepare using melee like weapons, I think I could handle just about anything. Obviously spears come to mind, fire torches, a small dagger of some sort.
But if I had to use only my hands… I wouldn’t want to fight anything larger than a mid sized dog. I think I might instinctively try and gouge an animals eyes, or perhaps choke the dog/larger animal by putting too much of my arm down their throat… like a long jab, but force my entire arm into it’s mouth and down it’s throat to choke it. Not sure how it would go down, but I think I could break a dogs neck if I had to as well.
@rovdog Depends. How big, fast, vicious, & intelligent are thay? How good are their senses? Are they solitary or a pack-animal? What are their mating & eating habits? Nocturnal or diurnal?
A wolf is relatively big, compared to me. Fortunately, my older brother was bigger & on steroids. Size doesn’t matter to me. They’re not extremely agile, but have excellent stamina. They don’t usually attack humans (so I probably wouldn’t attack it anyways, but whatever).
Their eyesight is their worst sense, & they are nocturnal for the most part. So you catch them at dusk, when they’re just waking up. Their eyes won’t be able to adjust between the bright sky & dark ground, & they’ll be sleepy.
Luckily, they won’t see me as prey. And we’re only talking one wolf here. Multiple, & I’m screwed.
I once seriously bruised a housefly, but to be honest, I used a gun.
A blue whale… a hippo… a giraffe…Oprah?
A goose, because there’s one out there somewhere that bit me on the nose. I’ve got a score to settle.
Let’s see… not so many animals have hands, so….
Maybe the smaller members of the monkey family. But I’m pretty sure I’ll never find out.
Practically all of the young sh*theads out there who go around acting like they’re tough but shake when the real time comes to fight one-on-one with me.
@MRSHINYSHOES I don’t act tough. I just am. And there’s always someone better than me. Are you up for a challenge? Warning: it’s hard to beat a masochist!
@Draconess25 That person who is “always better than you” (as you said) is me. So there’s nothing else to say. I already won.
Are you smoking some “whacky baccy” or is this a joke question? There is no way you could defeat many animals that weigh 120l bs or less. You have apparently not seem two chimps fight over a female chimp. They are not only incredibly strong, they are blindingly fast and very cunning. Rangers/keepers can only handle an enraged chimp with a tranquiliser gun – no matter how many keepers there are. You sure as hell would not be able to kick one in the head, and if it was restrained while you did it, you would only piss it off even more. You would have even less chance with a Jaguar or Panther at those weights.
@Draconess25 Don’t complain. You should take great pleasure in knowing that I already defeated you. Remember, you’re a masochist, so enjoy!
@DarkScribe You make reasonable points, and I’ll amend my view to state I reign supreme over animals below 110 lbs.
i imagine i could take on an elephant easily. giraffe too probably. any safari animal would be an easy kill….water buffalo too…i really think i’m pretty unstoppable
@deni What about a Zombie Fish, Spasmatic Gopher, or Nuclear Badger?
Do you think it would actually be possible to kill a very large, non-aggressive animal (like a cow for example) with your bare hands? Or lets say a hippo or rhino decided not to attack and just allowed you to try. It seems like you’d wear out punching the thing or it would just easily shake you loose occasionally if you tried to choke it. It would just kind of dumbly stand there while completely immune to your attempts to kill it.
@Draconess25 cake!
@cockswain that is a very interesting question. cant hippos run really fast though? they could probably charge you but other than that….it would be too sad to punch them to death.
@deni Cheese cake?
@cockswain Most animals aren’t aggressive unless provoked. Even a wolf or a bobcat.
I’m pretty sure I could take down a Camel!
Re: Wolverines-
from Wikipedia:
The wolverine has a reputation for ferocity and strength out of proportion to its size, with the documented ability to kill prey many times its size.
Armed with powerful jaws, sharp claws, and a thick hide,[12] wolverines may defend kills against larger or more numerous predators.[13] There is at least one published account of a 27-pound wolverine’s attempt to steal a kill from a black bear (adult males weigh 400 to 500 pounds). Unfortunately for the mustelid, the bear won what was ultimately a fatal contest.[14] Wolverines have been known to harass and attempt to intimidate wolves and cougars
How about this for a follow up question- what would be the smallest animal that would defeat you? The wolverine very well might be one of them.
I will only concede that a 120lb wolverine could defeat me.
@rovdog Who knows? I’d be willing to try, though?
Smallest animal that’s ever beat me: A squirrel.
Fighting off a wild animal attack is a moment of greatness in anyone’s life.
Hell, I felt that after fighting off a goose once which is pretty small potatoes.
It’s not a bird of prey or a bobcat or a wolf but its still a big angry animal.
Once there was a homeless guy in SF who punched a pigeon once.
That was a huge moment of greatness right there.
Answer this question 
Composing members:
0
