Do you ever wonder what would happen, if people really knew what was going off inside your head?

I am an open book. You seem to be a closed one. We hear a version of this issue of intimacy from you every few days. Perhaps time to stop rewording the question and start to work on your issues.

You sound as though you are ashamed of what you call “the real me.” That is not a healthy way to go through life.

(What do you do to yourself daily that you have to keep hidden? It can’t be good.)

Again, I apologize for the tough love.

@gailcalled Not really, no. I had a good day yesterday. I self harm and suffer from severe Depression, was just wondering what it would be like if my mum knew. I’m not ashamed of me at all. My mum knows I attemped suicide, she knows what I used to do when I lived at home. I was just wondering if she thought I was still like that.

@Sophie: Why not share with your mom. She may be helpful or acknowledge that she may be part of the problem.

Personally, I would find it exhausting to have to be an actor in public.

If people knew what was in my head, I’d be in an insane asylum. Luckily, no one on here can track me down!

Ah man. As many good looking women as I pass on a daily basis, I would be in a world of hurt. It’s a good thing people can’t mind read.

People might be dismayed to find out it’s a lot more mundane than they might think.

@gailcalled Because she would be upset. I don’t want to upset her. She thought I was like how I were before because I was unhappy, now she knows I’m happy, she would have to accept that I have proper problems.

There’s only a few people that I’m really close to, but those people pretty much know what’s going through my head constantly. I’m always blurting out random nonsense and thoughts, just because I can and just because I’d like those people to know. So 99.9% of the time someone knows what I’m thinking about and what’s going on in my head. I like it that way. No secrets, no wondering. Just completely open book.

@Sophief: Parent and children who lie to each other create more damage than those who tell the truth. She should be upset. Why treat her like a small child? Who better than a parent to help a child with “proper problems.”

She may very well be part of the solution. I often wished that I had attempted to get my father to go to therapy with me, but he wasn’t budging on his need to never be wrong.

@chels Guess that is a good way, at least someone will then know when something is wrong.

@gailcalled I don’t treat her like a child. She doesn’t need to know what I do. There is no solution, it’s just life, my life.

@Sophief: Is there perhaps a root cause you haven’t discovered yet? I do worry about the cutting.

Most of what I hold back are things that I think might hurt other peoples feelings. My mental condition is a train wreck, I’m not close enough to anyone IRL that the subject would arise.

You need to find a therapist who really knows about self-harm and the issues behind it. Are you taking your medications properly? Are things like psychotherapy covered by the NHS? Don’t give up, please. You just need to find the right combination of things to feel better about yourself.

@gailcalled No. The cutting is nothing to worry about, it is just how I live my life. I don’t feel it is a problem because it’s what I know. In a way, I even enjoy it sometimes. I thought I might of stopped by now, because I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, but I haven’t. In a funny way, I guess it is like a hobby.

Considering that my fantasy is to start my own dictatorship and proclaim a law that I get to draft one woman a year into my harem, I’d probably be shunned by everyone around me :-p

People I care for no exactly what makes me tick, what you see is what you get,which is nice.Happy days.

@Sophief Don’t worry; I’m a masochist. You might be one like me! Just make sure the blade is clean, & that you don’t cut too deep.

The masses would chase me up a tree and set fire to it.

People would be scared lol. Only God and my boyfriend know of my thoughts.

Nobody really knows exactly what makes me tick, including myself. That’s okay though, because despite my cluttered cognition, I’m a very stable individual and I don’t really have thoughts that would scare people. Maybe thoughts that people would disagree with, but nothing really scary.

People would be very unpleasantly surprised if they could scan my thoughts.
”What a bore…”

-@Micheal_Huntington will learn that I’m not actually gay for him (sorry!).
-The cute girl in my History class would know how cute I think she is.
-I’d be in trouble at the LANs I attend, everyone would know my strategy!
-Everyone would know how truly crazy I think they are.

I’m an open book, so everyone already knows everything there is to know about me.

Just a side note, but an important one: Cutting is not a healthy (not to mention safe) way to “live your life”. Please get help with this. It’ll be one less thing to hide, at the very least.

My friends and family know exactly what is going on inside my head, because I speak openly and honestly.
My daughter speaks to me freely about everything, good and bad, and if I can help her then I will. Equally I can speak to her about anything and everything.
We both understand each other this way .. and it is a lovely relationship.
Please speak to your mum. I am sure she will understand, and try to help if she can.

@Sophief:
I thought I might of stopped by now, because I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, but I haven’t. In a funny way, I guess it is like a hobby.

You are happy, I know, but your life revolves around your boyfriend; you even said he would make the major decisions on spending if you won the lottery.

I just did some reading up on cutting. It sounds like a very odd hobby. Stamp collecting is a hobby; self-mutilation is a sign of more really serious issues. There are many ways of getting some help..

I am repeating myself, I know. So that’s my last comment.

_

Sometimes I think I know what they would do. Sometimes I’m not so sure. I would prefer to be an open book, but I think there would be some serious consequences if I were. After a while, people would settle down. We’d probably be in a different configuration.

My parents don’t know I’m bipolar. At first I thought I was protecting myself from their disdain. But now I realize our relationship can’t really get any worse. My Mom occasionally asks me if anything is wrong. Maybe it’s because I act a bit squirrelly at family gatherings. Or I’m just closed off.

I suppose it no longer matters. If they despise me, they despise me. If they cut me off, they lose their only grand children.

Anyway, I’d like to be known. It would be easier. But there’s pain involved, and I don’t know if I’m up to that yet.

Some of the more ‘controversial’ thoughts I can tell to my husband and best friend. Close friends get to hear more than others, sure. If everyone knew what I was thinking, they would realize that I spend a lot of my time thinking about what’s wrong with society and what needs to be done and how stupid I think many people are.

@Sophief Yeah. I like to talk about things when I’m upset anyway. It helps to make it better.

If people heard the coarse things that go thru my head, I would be slapped with a dozen sexual harrassment suits a day.
Beautiful day today outside. Very nice, and a very long time since it was so nice.
We went to the mall. There were lots of young women taking their boobs for a stroll.
It’s lucky I finally developed the 3 second delay on brain to mouth stream.

I am very glad that people cannot read my mind, although close friends are often let in to my thoughts.

Self mutilation is often indicitive of borderline personality disorder, I suggest you get some help young lady. It is impossible to claim you are happy and okay with yourself if this behavior is ongoing. You may grow out of it as the years go by, but in the meanwhile it sounds as if you are in denial and clearly suffering more than you let on.

I wish you the best..now STOP asking anonymous strangers for advice and get yer arse into some counseling ASAP!

I don’t understand what goes on in there most of the time. My family can see sometimes what I’ve got in mind, even when I haven’t “thought” of it yet. Does that make sense?

@Coloma Well, I’ve been doing it 14 years now, and I get worse not better, don’t think I’ll grow out of it.

@Draconess25 @Sophief Not just a “clean” blade but a sterile one; also the skin scrubbed with Betadine or the like and bacitracin and a sterile dressing after. Better yet, please don’t do this at all.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Sounds weird, getting the skin ready for self harming. I don’t think people that do it, prepare like that, they just go ahead.

@Sophief So you just grab the nearest sharp object, regardless of sanitation? Maybe if you stopped and thought about these things you’d be less likely to do it (not meaning to be offensive).

@Sophief: Well, I’ve been doing it 14 years now, and I get worse not better, don’t think I’ll grow out of it.

Not without professional help, you won’t. And nothing like sepsis or exsangination to distract you possibly by death. What gives?

@gailcalled Who says I’m not getting help?

If you are, why not let us know?That would help us respond to your questions.

@gailcalled Most people know I am. I have been for years, none of it helps.

@Sophief Finding the right therapist can be a difficult process.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Yes it can, but I’m not interested anymore. I don’t tell them everything when I do go, so there really isn’t any point.

@Sophief: A nice way to throw away money.

I don’t tell them everything when I do go, so there really isn’t any point.

That is self-defeating, which does seem to be one of your mantras.

@gailcalled It isn’t their business. I don’t want to sit in a room with a stranger and tell her my life, she is only there because it is her job, not because she cares.

Throws up hands. Leaves the room.

Phew.

@Sophief I know what you mean. My depression only seems to respond to medication. The only therapist I could ever talk to was Meg, and if she were still alive I wouldn’t likely be depressed. A vicious circle.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I know exactly what you mean, I can only talk to my boyfriend and he cares and understands how I feel, whereas a complete stranger who is paid to pretend to care is a little different.

@Sophief : Have you ever thought what your life would be like if you and your b/f broke up or if he got tired of your clinging ways?

Orthopedists who set broken bones use their training;
Psychiatrists and therapists use their training also; they are not trained to be your friend but to help you sort thru things in order to be mentally healthier and happier.

@gailcalled No, he loves me just how I am. He knew what I was like before we got together. He is similar to me anyhow. Thanks for your concern though. ;-)