Lets write a story!

Elliot peered into the sink and felt a frothy sensation rise in his throat, as he gazed upon the unidentifiable remains in the drain.
What had Martha been preparing for the evening meal of last?

And what was that axe doing there behind the dustbin?

There were pink soapsuds in the sink, a mushy organic matter in the drain and a trail of – was it blood? – leading to the dustbin and what lay beyond…..

It had been raining yesterday, and there was mud on her boots by the door.

Suddenly, I realized that I was schizophrenic and incapable of recalling details in the actual order they occurred. Then I ate a peanut butter and pixie stick sandwhich and cried.

There! Beyond the basement door! What was that noise? It was the distinct sound of muffled cries, like one who had been gagged and perhaps trussed like a goose.
Or was I dreaming while awake again?

Elliot gagged on his peanut butter sandwich, the cries were unmistakeable…what was going on?

He had been faithful to his medications, this was not his imagination, something was frightfully amiss!

Just then Crackers the cat leapt through the pet door into the breezeway trembling and covered in….

peanutbutter?~

The sun set, and, yes, it was a dark and stormy night. Cracker’s fur began to…

…crinkle and wheeze in a catty-accordion like manner. His tail shot up, his claws gripped the linoleum floor with a clatter, hissing and yowling as they did so. Eliot spun around to see what Crackers was reacting to…

in time to see the fur slough off in huge bloody sheets to reveal underneath what appeared to be…

something beyond Elliots comprehension…and in the middle of what was Crackers ribcage a human finger pointed straight at Elliots face. Fearing a complete break with reality Elliot raced to the medicine chest…..

we’re staggering here…lololol

…only to find her reflection in the mirrored doors of the chest.
She had grown whiskers….

OMG! It was TRUE, Martha had warned him of the Werecat…Elliot had never believed her, Crackers was such a sweet pussy ) OMG…faltering, faltering…lol )

Then his reflection leaned out and grabbed him by the throat. Foul breath from the very pits of hell blew his hair back, as the reflection rasped out..

@Trillian—lololol ‘rasped out’ lololol

“Do anything but stick beans up your nose..”.

It was good that Martha was away for the week, now Elliot could run with the wild Werepussy, never mind the pink foam in the sink, somehow Elliot knew that he too would be carving ofamy pink things in the sink after midnight!

—@gailcalled—

Well, ya gotta admit, it’s an excercise

I once inhaled a pussy willow bud as a child, one of those contests, who can spit the pussy willow bud the furthest? lol

The transformatin complete, Elliot was about to run out the back door with werepuss when there came a rapping, as of someone gently tapping. Tapping at his oak front door…

Frozen between two worlds Elliot gasped! Dare he answer the knock? Peering through the peephole he was relieved, it was only Atticus the local scissor sharpener…Elliot smiled….

and slowly reached for the door knob, shaking with anticipation.

In spite of all the millions of horror movies that ended very badly when someone turned a door knob….

As he openend the door he broke into a rousing chorus of the The time warp…‘it’s just a step to the left, and a jump to the right, put your hands on your hips, and pull your knees in tiiiight…’.....

—@gailcalled—
Yeah, the last time I opened the door to a knock in the night I was attacked my a mother Raccoon and her kids!

gotta eat dinner now..carry on…;-)

.tiiight..Barely the chorus escaped his lips, he suddenly felt the sinking feeling of being slugged which dropped him to his knees. Looking down he could only gurgle a wheeze of crimson as he realized Atticus’s implement had penetrated his chest. His eyes flooded with despair as they searched Atticus’s cold steely gaze..

and he thought, “OMG. I forgot so many apostrophes while I was gurgling a wheeze. Next time no multitasking, but for now….

..he looked again at old Atticus. “Why would you do such a thing?!”, he cried. “Come with me and I will save you”, rasped old Atticus. Elliot’s mouth was set in grim defiance. “I will never go with you, old Atticus. Not after what you did to my father!” Old Atticus grinned demoniacally, “Elliot”, he hissed, ”I am your father”. Elliot blanched, and felt a curious tinge in his right hand. He stumbled to his feet, gurgling another crimson wheeze…

“No!” he screamed. “Not the good scissors!”

“I just sharpened them!”

“And where can you get carbon steel scissors these days?”

Hah!

You guy’s are very talented!

Crap…gotta tend to the micro-farm….I have so enjoyed your playfulness!

Turkeys in the straw, literally..it’s breeding season you know and every Turkey on this hill comes for dinner…retribution for Turkeys past consumed! lol

AND THEN THE TURKEY CAME BACK FROM THE STRAW IN ZOMBIE FORM

and reminded everybody that we’ve already done this once before on Fluther.

But it didn’t matter because this was a new time.

… where turkeys can sing like Michael Jackson and do the Thriller dance.

Thats right!

And the turkeys are dancing now….one is staring down Clover the sheep…a deadly duel of beady eyes! lol

But Clover gives the turkey the look of death, that look that you never want to see.

And just then..

the turkey falls over.

Lol….it’s especially entertaining to watch the toms doing their ninja kicks at each other right in front of the sheep….sometimes they actually ricochet off them, sheep just stare, don’t even move. hahaha

Meanwhile, the werepuss from scene one, about whom everyone had apparently forgotten, was creeping up on the lone straggler sheep who had separated from the flock/herd…what-the-hell-ever. One could read the evil intent from the look in his eyes and the beconing finger protruding from his chest. He readied for a magnificent pounce, shifting his back legs under him, when off in the distance…

A horse drawn carriage was making it’s way up the dirt road. The sun was setting and it was starting to get cool. A man poked his head out of the carriage and said..

Yo…woman with the Corona, come hither, I have magic beans for sale!

She yelled back “Magic beans, eh? And what exactly do these magic beans do?” She gave an innocent smile and started to twirl her hair.

The werepuss looked on in disgust before returning to the business at hand… Slightly salivating in anticipation, it once more positioned itself for the kill. Meowone, meowtwo, meowTHREE! He leaped, slashed, and off fell the head of the sheep. Oddly enough it remained standing. On closer examination, it was revealed that the sheep was dead, had been dead for days and nailed to the spot. No fresh mutton for werekitty. It was instead, stuffed with….

goose feathers from the annual molt. Shocked and in fear the remaining sheep, Violet, Dandelion and Buttercup ran in circles around Clovers severed head, the werepussy crouched…

and Jack the magic bean boy said to the woman, ‘if you buy my magic beans perhaps the werepussy will climb into the sky never to return.’

The woman looked squarely into Jacks shifty eys and spoke.

‘I shall buy your beans my good man, but if you turn out to be a perverted bean huckster I will chop down your beanstalk!’

Kitty, meanwhil was thinking, “I’m meowgetting something to eat tonight one way or anothermeow.” Slash went the tail. Then werekitty remembered the wagon passing by. Kitty leaped through the air and as the boy was passing the beans (no pun intended) to the woman, kitty gobbled them all down. “That was ameowappetizer” thought werekitty. “Meow for the main course” Kitty skidded, turned, and ran back towards the bot an woman who were staring at him in amazement…

lol

Just then the woman ducked and werekitty sprang onto Dove the big buckskin mule that stood grazing peacefully behind the bean boy.

The werecats claws sunk deeply into Doves flank and mule reared, pawing tghe air with her giganctic hooves, the werekitty fell to the ground and….

turned into a pile of ash.

@jeanmay
LOL…Ok you lost me after Elliot was having a conversation with Darth Vader who just stabbed him in the chest with a pair of scissors.
edit: blowing bubbles of blood all along

Darth was the bean man in disguise….the werepussy was gone, a skimpy pile of dusty ash flittered to the ground…poof…and just then a beansprout swelled from the erath, growing, growing at amazing speed…up, up, up…...

@SeventhSense Yeah, I got lost myself somewhere around there too! Luckily, everyone else just carried on regardless.

It’s going to be a made for TV movie anyway…

The woman craned her neck, looked to the heavens, and called out , “Elliot, just put a bandaid on it and come here. There’s a weed to be pulled!”

She neglected to mention that the weed in question was poison ivy. If you thought Elliot had problems before he started gardening, you should see…..

the condition of his naughty bits after he used the weed to clean himself after dropping a huge load of…

…Cow manure which he liberally applied amidst the carnations which were in full bloom not noticing the noxious weed which he dripped blood upon before snatching it out of the ground. His errant hand idly scratching his…

Poison ivy blisters, which seemed to have spread rapidly everywhere on his body, including, surprisingly….

…his ears, which now resembled the horny nodes of tree stump. It had unfortunately affected his hearing for the worse, and all he could make out was…

the wail of a sound like a crying baby and in the dim half light he spotted the sopping wet werepussy. That she devil had been out in the rain her pink…

‘Hello Kitty’ Pj’s….

were indistinguishable from her regenerating skin, wet and slimy. The look on her face spoke of determination as she limped her way down the lane..

Although she, as a baby, was surprised that she could walk, never mind limp. Good news, though. She would be able to get to her appointment for a fabulous make-over at…

the Home Depot. They do a particularly good job with manicures, as long as you don’t mind the…

sawdust that may stick to your nailpolish. You can use 200 grit to…

get that matte look that’s so popular on the runways in Milan this season.
As the werepussy trudged down the road towards town, she heard a dull roar. It increased in volume, and she looked over her shoulder to see…

the pedicure train bearing down on her.

Oh noooo! Werepussys with snaggle claws were quickly demoted of their powers, what to do, what to do?

Werepussy jumped behind a tree and….

… to her surprise, found a skunk staring her right in the face. She stayed very still to make sure she didn’t startle to poor creature until suddenly…

the skunk asked, “Who cuts your hair and does your nails? What do you think of my outfit? Black shoes or…..”

“Pepe le Pew?”...“How did he get out here?” her little feline brain pondered. She remembered tale of this rogue from her Parisian cousin Fifi but this was certainly inopportune and more so during her follicle crisis…Just then she heard Elliot..

running an electric razor in order to give himself a buzz cut. “Why should I be left out of the fashion…..”

police’s “Take down on sight” files? He thought gleefully. “A little more off the top…there. Hmmm, why is my reflection snarling at me?”

“It’s the light bouncing off my scalp, I guess. Do I look fat in these…..”

clogs? Wait – I don’t own clogs.” He looked down, concerned, and realized that the little wooden shoes were both pinching his feet and moving mechanically down the lane. He couldn’t seem to stop them, so he tried…

signing up for clogging lessons. Too bad he was so….

drunk he could not follow the instructors moves.

However, he could tell she was smitten with his body!
Somehow he never realized just how attractive he was in his Leiderhosen.
The smell of his sweaty body and the chemical reaction with the suede sent waves of ‘come hither’ olefactory cues wafting across the clogging stage, the instructor swooned and…...

started to sing “Edelweiss” off-key, which Eliot found very…

arousing.

Inspite of his sore feet, drunkeness and chaffed thighs Eliot felt a surge of joy and….

which was surprising because he had lost 4 pints of blood and was feeling quite woozy…

so as he sank into a stupor he was carried away by the haunting, off key, melody…Edelweiss, edelweiss, youuuu look happy to greeeeeet meeeeee. He saw a light and felt a calm, peacefulness sweep over him. He drifted deeper into the great unknown, only to be awakened to insistent tapping on his forehead. Werekitty was a trained medic and had given him an infusion of blood and jelly. Raspberry.
“Damn you kitty! I was THERE! I was finally happy, and you bring me back to this reality? Why you, I oughta…”

spend more time with Julie Andrews. At least she is….

able to carry a tune, and she can sweeten the medicine when called for too! I’ll bet she has at least a five pound jar of sugar in that bag of hers.
“Kitty? Kitty come back, I’m sorry…”
“Stupid cat…. how is there a headless sheep just standing there? Why am I wearing Leiderhosen and clogs? What the hell have I been….

doing…climbing every mountain? How did my horror/vampire/zombie tale turn into something so wholesome and…

cheesy? too late for a bucket, bring a mop. oh god no! I feel another song coming on…Somebody stop me! How do you solve a problem like..

OMG!

Elliot had an epihany!

None of this was real, he was tripping!

Being a chemist Martha was always leaving strange beakers of stuff around the house. Her latest experiments were with organic hallucinates.

By jingo..Elliot must have drank one of Marthas potions that was chilling in the fridge!

He recalled that bottle of what he thought was cranapple juice…....

… was really a bottle of PCP with fruit flavoring.

Today he would learn the truth.

But he drank too much PCP and the serious side effects took over. First he began to hallucinate (not that he hadn’t already done quite a bit if that since the beginning, but these hallucinations took the experience to a whole new level). Then he felt extremely aggressive, and began to rip off were-kitty’s legs.