What are the consequences of thinking you're hot when you're not vs thinking you're not when you're hot?

If your hot your hot period.

Look back to your high school days for a decent insight at the situation.

I’d much rather deal with modest people who shouldn’t be so modest than deal with people who think they’re hot shit when they clearly aren’t.

@MorenoMelissa1 Your =/= You’re

@chels Truth. Preach it, lady.

It’s obviously best to find a nice medium between the two, but that is rarely the case.

People who think they’re “hotter” than they are tend to come off very arrogant and snotty. For example, I have a friend who thinks entirely too highly of herself. She’s constantly singing just to show off, and making it clear that she thinks she’s smarter and/or better than you. Don’t get me wrong- she’s a nice person, and she IS smart and a great singer and a great actress, etc. But when she chooses to show off and make others feel lower than her, she’s one of the most obnoxious people I have ever met and I seriously question my friendship with her. A lot of people dislike her for it.

On the other hand, I also have a friend whose self-esteem is way too low. She’s constantly telling me how ugly and stupid she is, etc. She feels so bad about herself that it depresses her, and she seems to thrive off of the attention she gets when she’s complaining about herself. I love her and I want to make her feel good about herself, but she makes it very difficult to stay friends with her sometimes.

Being too arrogant and being too modest can both have devastating effects on your relationships with other people and your mental perceptions of others and yourself.

I’m far too hot to answer this question

I have low self esteem and I think it reflects on how other people that meet me in person perceive me. I’m also a bit shy, so I think people are reluctant to approach me thinking I am not approachable. If I see that someone is looking at me, possibly to talk to me, my first thought is that I must have something on my face, my shirt is unbuttoned, or my zipper is unzipped. I never think that someone wants to meet me for me. So without thinking I am “hot”, I would like to have just a little self confidence. I think self confidence is a very attractive attribute, but those that go over the top with confidence are not attractive, they are annoying.

always in the eye’s of the beholder! (beauty, brains, skills, etc.)

Both of my girlfriends are dead sexy (I mean, why else would I constantly grab their tits?), but one has horrible self-esteem. She owns no pictures of herself whatsoever, & won’t let me take any.

I point out to her that I set way higher standards for girls than I do for guys, but…...

I find braggarts to be extremely annoying – whether they’re accurate or not is irrelevant to me.

@FutureMemory Word.

I agree with @FutureMemory. Why do people so often judge themselves and others by their looks? Why do women feel that their worth is gauged by their ability to attract multiple men? (G.Steinem)
One should think well of oneself in the sense of valuing one’s self as a human with contributions to make to society and to those close to them. One cannot say that this person who is attractive is less important than that person who is not so attractive. This person’s Nobel prize winner’s life is worth more than that person who has no education.
It is unfortunate that our society today places so much value on externals that, in the end, fade away.

I’m just happy being me, trying to mind my own business as I go about my dailey grind, I’m not particularly up myself but I do try to make an effort, I don’t really give two figs how other people perceive me, my friends & close family know my hearts in the right place :-/
I welcome any interaction with others but when it gets to being taken for granted or used I tend to drift off…….
This has sometimes caused friction but “THAT’S LIFE” ;-)
As far as looks go though, I’ve had my moments, I’ve also been shot down in flames.. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles..

@FutureMemory my grandfather always told me, there are two things you don’t do: 1) toot your own horn 2) talk bad about your fellowman!

Those who think they’re hot will get as much burns as they give.

Those who do not think they’re hot, maybe have some measure of control over their ego.

I’m hot and if someone thinks I’m not then then that’s not my problem if they don’t recognize.

The point is not to sound like a self absorbed douche. The point is to be happy with who the hell you are.

Too many people don’t have enough self esteem to the point where we don’t allow ourselves to feel good about ourselves because conventional wisdom tells us we needto feel ashamed of who we are because we don’t all look like Christian Ronaldo or Megan Fox.

Fuck that. I’m happy with who I am and how I look and if I feel hot, I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about feeling good about myself.

People in both situations need to find a new set of friends.

I agree with @FutureMemory and also @Captain_Fantasy. Braggarts are annoying, hot or not. That doesn’t mean I don’t know the difference between them and someone who is confident about their looks, not or not in my eyes.

@Neizvestnaya Agreed that there is a line between feeling good about yourself and bragging about yourself since bragging usually comes from a point of insecurity where as high self esteem is an internal thing that needs not be shared explicitly because you radiate it if you have it. No need to brag about it.
Bragging is bad form.

I also agree with @FutureMemory.

And to be honest with you, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say. So I suppose everyone is attractive on their own levels, some more so than others, but never the less, one shouldn’t feel the need to gloat about it because they aren’t the ONLY attractive person blessed on this planet.

As for a person who thinks less of their attraction when they are, it may become rather tedious to try to make them feel otherwise. A person gets low self esteem and sometimes that is hard to bring back up, of course, some of our gloaters have low self esteem too.

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. The pitfall of saying your hot weather you are hot or not is that you appear to be unsure of if you are hot and just how hot you are. Just as a person as wealthy as Boll gates do not have to buy and flaunt the fanciest car, watch, home pet etc. you can walk around in jeans with holes in them and a ratty t-shirt because you know you can buy anything in any store you go into or any meal in nay eating establishment. If anyone calls into question your ability you can just whip out your triple platinum card. If you are hot you don’t need to try to convince anyone or self-declare it because it will be quite evident. The plus is that if you let other declare it then no one can accuse you of self-interest. You also do not come off as having to be seen as sexy because you are not seeking it but just letting others make that choice. It is slightly better to allow others to declare it over you declaring it yourself. If you have modeling contracts or been acclaimed by magazines as having been top 50 women/men in blah blah area or the amateur golfing circuit etc then you might be able to took your own horn a bit; as Mohammed Ali said “It ain’t bragging if you can back it up”

My mother always says ‘every toilet has a cover’ meaning everyone out there is beautiful to someone out there – I find beauty in people that aren’t easily categorized into the two major genders -this is a turn off to the majority…what does that mean? Nothing much to me because it’s my perception that matters.

If you think poorly of yourself, then it’s a self esteem issue. If you think you’re hot, and you’re not, then is a you’re-full-of-yourself kind of thing. It’s just the way you see yourself through your eyes, when others see you differently through their eyes.

To my mind, there is nothing more attractive than an attractive person who feels no need to blow their own horn and make sure everybody else notices but whose personality is genuinely warm and friendly. On the contrary, a physically attractive person who feels the need to shout about it to the world has nullified any attractiveness I may have initially attributed to them.

It’s always been in the attitude. Hotness (and muchness) is an inside flame job!

Outside vanities are entirely a separate thing, and usually don’t rank nearly as much or as high.

SMO-kin! ;-)

It’s better to think higher of yourself, than to have low self-esteem. If you are not all that good-looking, but have confidence in youself, that can translate into “hotness” i guess. But I do think there is a point where if you that ugly, no amount of confidence will help outside perceptions…

My feeling is that I can decide for myself, so you don’t need to say anything either to puff you up or pull you down. I am perfectly capable of see who you are no matter what you say.

I assume the same thing about myself. I assume you will see me and judge me how you judge me. You might think I’m crap or you might think I’m good.

Where the problem comes in for me is whether I want to hear what you think. I guess I don’t really want to hear it if it’s bad. I just don’t need any more beating down. I do that quite well enough myself, thank you very much. But if I don’t want to hear the bad, then it only seems fair to not hear the good.

So in the end, I need to hear because I don’t know what other people think, and it would be nice to know whether, when I’m trying to help, I do any good. This is mostly because I care about my customers and giving them the best product I can. If that product is my thoughts, then I want to give the best true thoughts I can. I would not lie to curry favor, but I would change the way I say things if I think people aren’t hearing me right.

But there are many times when I despair. I don’t believe I’m doing well no matter what others say. It’s complicated, because I do believe in myself and what I’m doing, but I don’t believe that anyone else could believe in it. I think they should believe in it, but I dare not hope. It’s that Japanese thing about the nail that sticks up is the one that gets pounded down.

Can you stick up without sticking up? But there are many other things in the equation—love, self-love, love for others, desire, panic, anxiety, security, belief, confidence…..

I prefer the people who say they aren’t as good as they are. Them I can tell to shut up because I see through their racket. We can come to an agreement that neither of us will lie to other from now on.

The braggarts—I simply can not understand. I always feel like they are trying to pull the wool over my eyes and rather than deal with that, I’d rather go somewhere else. I don’t like people who brag or who make themselves out to be more than they are, or who try to influence me to think more of them than I do.

It’s a fine line between confidence and too much confidence. But people read things in different ways. Someone might ask me if I’m good, and I’ll say you should decide for yourself. They might read that as a lack of confidence. It isn’t. In fact, I am confident that if you like what I like, you’ll like what I do.

But it’s easy to slip over the top to that territory where doubt sets in. It happens pretty quickly for me. My nose is very sensitive where bullshit is concerned. Has to be. I worked on a dairy farm when I was a kid. I got into big trouble over bullshit. Burning hot trouble, in fact.

Anyway, the shit detector goes off real easy, and once it goes off, you can pretty much forget gaining my trust. But other people aren’t like me. They prefer a story to the data. They don’t care if the story is supported by the data. It makes me wonder…..

it’s attitude…....

I cant stand creepy snots who think their outer beauty can allow them to act like idiots.

People who have enough self assurance to feel good being themselves are right on.

I really can’t see how thinking less than of oneself can serve them. When energy follows thought, it would seem that it’s always better to think well, or hot. than not.

@wundayatta—shit detector!!!!!!!!!—Where can you purchase those?—loll

@BoBo1946 Can’t buy them. You’re born with one. You just have to use it. The more you use it, the better it gets.

@wundayatta hey, understood…being an insurance adjuster for 25 years, my eyes changed from blue to brown!!!! loll

@Hypocrisy_Central I would love to tell the world that this man here is my future husband whom I love and care about with all my heart and soul. I would do anything for him. I would even wait years for him. I would change whom I was completely for him. I love you Rafael.

If a person is not so hot, but behave like they are, this confidence usually rubs off on people and the person becomes more attractive to the opposite sex. There are lots of guys dating women whom would be considered “out of their league” for this very reason.

If a typically hot girl acts pathetically, then that is how she will be viewed. A good looking girl is not sexy if she doesn’t know she is.

im too sexy for milan new york and japan. there are no negative consequences.

Depends on how much their attitudes influence their behavior and their ability to interact with others. No one likes a conceited blowhole and few can tolerate affected diffidence so either extreme is not very good for your social life.

“Is it better to think well of yourself when you don’t deserve it, or to think poorly of yourself when you should think well”

They are the same and they have the same consequences. They inspire the same frantic feelings in the people who feel either extreme and they inspire the same reactions from their peers.

When I was younger the other kids made fun of me and told me I was ugly. I grew up thinking I was not attractive. That is so not good for the self esteem, and kinda makes itself a self-fulfilling prophesy. Looking back at pictures from when kids first started telling me I was ugly, I see that they were most definitely incorrect. I have even met some of the kids from my high school who said they thought I was attractive but never told me. I wish they had. I probably wouldn’t have turned out arrogant but would for sure have had more confidence.