Is it lame or abnormal that I don't have friends?

Clearly it is. You do not want to get a job because you have to work with people you don’t know. It is not any more clearer that you need to work some issues out.

Maybe. I’m kind of the same way. For me, socializing is oftentimes a tiring and, sometimes, awkward experience (with new or old friends/people), but I think you should try to get out of your comfort zone. Socializing is just like any other skill: hard to do at first, but easier the more you do it. Start small, then work your way up. Maybe start by going out w/unfamiliar people w/out your sister?

@LkidKyle1985 it’s not that simple. i get really nervous that I get tension in my muscles really bad and people think i ignore them when i don’t respond to them. those are some of the reasons i’m afraid, it’s not just socializing

@bobloblaw It’s nice to see that i’m not the only one who finds this awkward and hard. Thanks for your advice.

It’s neither lame or abnormal (especially while you’re so young still). You’re just different than a lot of people. I am a little like you. When I was younger, I used to be very self-conscious, thinking that I was being observed or analyzed (especially in restaurants and at school). It was a very uncomfortable feeling. But eventually, as I grew older these feelings lessened. They are still there at times, but not as bad. People who are creative, sensitive, and complex, like artists and musicians, are often like that. It’s hard to “let loose”, for fear of being criticized or mocked, so I sometimes feel a little “robotic” in my behavior in public. I am not the socializing type. At crowded, noisy parties, I am usually the one who likes to “escape” into the night air and seek a quiet romantic park or a serene mountain path instead. Lol.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Here’s my take and my experience. I was always one of those kids that where called special by my parents and odd by everyone else. I was, and to some extent still am, terrified of human interaction. The thing is that even if there are many people like this out there (making it neither lame nor abnormal) and they would get along fine, with understanding of the “alternative” way to interact with other people – it’s a logical conclusion that these people will never meet. However, as time goes by you get in touch with other people step by step and all of a sudden there is a world outside yourself. My world is not big by any means or compared to others, but nevertheless I have come to know more about myself, about the world and about others. Not that I think the “other” world is better, it’s just nice to have a bit more.

Now I can “fake” skills that make for decent interaction. I still have a complete black out if, forced by circumstances, I have to talk in front of a crowd etc. (like in school or at work). I’m almost 40 and in my entire life I have given one speech, I memorised it and practised maybe a hundred times, and still I don’t remember a second of the actual speech.

You are not abnormal nor are you lame. Hang in there. Find out and embrace who you are… cliché I know but still.

I’ve always thought that the really outgoing people, the ones without restraint, the ones that just HAVE to be listened to are rather lame.

For a very long time I could not eat in public as well as felt as though I was being judged constantly. I’m 23 now and have just recently been getting over these issues, but it did require therapy for the last year. In my situation, I gradually started to have friends, then worked through the other issues involving how I am perceived.

You’re shy. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you really want to get over this try signing up for a summer camp and meet some new people. If things go badly you’ll never see them again and you can always pull out early.

@Cartman :-) GA!

Hey all I am saying is if it keeps you from getting employment, then this is something you need to fix. Just like if I drink all the time and this is why I cannot be employed, I need to fix that, or if I answer fluther all day and I can’t hold a job because of that, I need to work things out. I am not saying you are a freak lots of people are shy.

@LKidKyle1985 I understand and I know I need to do something to fix it. Thanks.

@Zen_Again well thank you!

@Lightvision It was even worse knowing that I was a very visible member of a minority group in a predominantly conservative, white area of Canada——Alberta——at the time (the 70s and 80s)!, and being a kid who was overweight too. Sigh! ;)

There are many effective treatments for social anxiety. It’s fairly common, and can be treated with therapy and/or medication. While it’s not life threatening, it can certainly be life limiting. Don’t wait another minute to start living a fuller, happier life. Get the help you need, asap! Good luck, and welcome to Fluther. :)

I was exactly the same way at your age. I still am. :) It drove me nuts thinking people were staring at me or talking about behind my back. Parties and most social events are a real problem, still.
Counseling could help. It’s mostly you talking to someone in a comfortable setting without any stressors to hold you back.
The thing I want you to remember is to be true to yourself. It’s okay to be shy and have a comfort zone. Stepping out of it every once in a while won’t hurt you. You should be okay with a job, just ease into socializing and you’ll find a set of buddies that’ll like you for who you are. :) Don’t worry be happy and welcome to Fluther! PM if you need anything.

Don’t worry, as you get older it does get easier – and I am not just saying that. Even if you remain shy and uneasy you will come to accept, and even embrace, your own quirks and the way you are. And you will find someone who gets you – you really do not need a lot of friends, only good friends.

I hated myself growing up, I felt different, ugly, awkward and judged. Today however I like myself and I think I am actually pretty great. I still do not get other people and I prefer books and learning to people but I understand how to play along just enough.

Remember – there is no ‘right’ way to act, think or be. Make your own choices, do what you want to do (within limits – don’t do unto others and all that) and you will be ok. If you still feel that you are way too antisocial – talk to a professional and get a perspective, but never do away with yourself completely.

Finally, some people do stare and judge, but so what? Seriously, think about it. Why care? Do you really want those people to like you? There are good people out there and try to only care what they think. it is hard, but it gets better,

it’s not easy. there are stones and natural healing….lepidolite is a great stone.

builds self assurance. Stand tall. Life is full of interaction and learning to deal with it is one of the lessons you are supposed to learn this time through.

Do you want friends?

Its called self confidence! Get some. You are just as good as everyone else.Stand up and be proud of who you are, The friends will then come.

Yes, but this can be changed. Find your niches. Look at some of your unusual interests. Then find people who share these interests. They are out there. They will be delighted to find you.

One thing that helped me was to remember that most people are usually so focused on themselves that they’re never really paying as much attention to us as we think they are. I even used to feel like I was standing out if I got a new shirt or something, but 9 times out of 10 I was the only one who even noticed.