How is watching TV with my spouse considered together time when he ignores me?”?

OK I am not going to defend your husband’s disconnect with you. But in the interest of the simple minded of us here. Some of us can’t even follow one conversation that is going on let alone 2. So maybe try to talk to him when he isn’t watching TV, hopefully that can happen.

it is not “together” time. try having dinner or something where you can actually talk and have “quality time”

This sucks – you have to talk to him about it. He may not know how it’s affecting you and doesn’t mean to do it in that way.

Because you are together. Do you need his undivided attention 24/7? It sounds like hubby may be a little more healthy than are you.

You are not alone in this experience. I don’t even bother to call watching tv bonding time. Now it may be different because he’s your husband and not just a bf but either way, I wouldn’t bother with this one. I would do as @alive says and use other things to have together time over.

TV is the biggest check out…factor in some cocktails and you have nothing but an empty shell next to you on the couch.

It may be breathing but it’s not present! lol

Personally I hate mindless TV viewing and that certainly was an issue for me with my ex.

Of course I am biased as I checked out of all TV/Media about 8 years ago.

It’s one thing to share a movie, entirely another when someone uses TV as a way to disengage and tune out a partner.

I refuse to date anyone thats a TV aholic, infact, I have a room designated to movie watching, I don’t want TV to be the focus of my living space.

Does he have people after him all day at work? Guys get sucked into TV. It’s a Y chromosome thing. We can’t help it except by avoidance. I could be at a restaurant, sitting across the table from Halle Berry wrapped in push up spandex and I’d still have to glance a that annoying TV hanging on the wall spewing junk.
He may not be having a conversation but at least he is home with you.

@worriedguy Y chromosome thing? That’s complete BS, imo. I know plenty of guys who hate TV and love their partners and would never ignore Halle Berry, lol.

Husbands need some chill time without hearing “what are you thinking?” 20 times a night.

I can understand how frustrating this can be. Does there have to be conversation? Maybe you guys can cuddle instead. My boyfriend is the same way with movies. He doesn’t like to talk when a movie is on and he gets annoyed if I try to talk to him. Instead, we cuddle while watching movies. I think your best bet would be to try and find another activity you can do together.

@thriftymaid: Judgmental much? For all you know this is the only time they spend together. Also, ignoring your partner is not a sign of perfect mental health. There’s no need to make a snap judgment.

That very issue was the cAuse of a good bit of strife between my partner and me in regards to fluther. I don’t care to watch tv, so if she was watching, I would get on the computer. Apparently, she considers sitting in the same room “spending time together”. So now I spend more time reading. It is still time apart, but she seems less resentful.

@syz: Ahhh! That drives me crazy! When my boyfriend and I go to card tournaments, he’ll say we’re spending the whole the weekend together but most of the time I don’t even see him!

“Is it too much to ask to have a word or two together or eye contact every so often while watching TV with my husband?”

It depends on what he is watching. If it is sport, then the simple answer is yes. There is a time and a place for a word or two together and eye contact, but during a sports game is neither the time nor the place.

If he’s anything like me (and a lot of people), he just wants to “zone out” at some point in the day and get lost into whatever activity he’s attempting. I wouldn’t take this as offense – perhaps he just sees this as a way to relax with you?

I would try to get my conversing in with dinner beforehand or after.

Have you talked to him about your feelings about this? (Probably best to do while not watching t.v.)

Shared experiences come in all shapes and sizes. I personally find watching TV with a s/o much more enjoyable than watching it myself because we’re together. If it’s a trend that’s bothering you or it’s become too common for your liking, talk to him about it.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I’m not saying guys would ignore poor Halle completely. I’m saying that even if she were dressed in her best Catwoman outfit, sitting right across the table from them, guys would still be distracted by the TV. Especially if she was on it.
I hate TVs in restaurants. Really.

No, it’s not ‘time together’. Perhaps you need to talk to him about it, at some time he’s not watching TV. Just remember, blokes do need some ‘cave time’ to unwind for the day. So perhaps you can come to an accord, maybe, he gets to chill in peace when he gets home & then the two of you spend time together later…. just a thought.

My boyfriend and I rarely watch TV together (we rarely watch TV at all) but If we do it’s usually because there is something that interests us and so, the last thing we are going to do is have a conversation while we are watching. If it is funny, we both laugh but there probably isn’t eye contact at this moment because we are waiting to see what will happen next. We are usually sat together and I will probably have my legs drapped over his but that is about the only conatct we have until after the programme is finished. I do not really count watching TV as “quality time” as such although it is nice to have him there. I think tha, if this is the only problem in your relationship then you shouldn’t worry too much. Maybe he sees TV as his unwinding time and he gets absorbed into what’s going on on the screen.

sure everyone needs some unwinding, but that doesn’t mean you can neglect your s/o’s needs on a daily basis.

also as far as what’s on the tv…. if it is something that is only interesting to one of you, the other one is bound to get annoyed.

me and my s/o pick things we both like. we are the marathon types so sometimes we will rent or buy a whole season/series of a show we both enjoy and that is more like quality because we are indulging in a shared interest. we usually like to talk about it with each other and even friends. in short, one person zoning out is not shared time.

Ok so you asked this a while ago, but I JUST joined and saw this…
I think it depends. Is it a show you both picked? Or is it something he wants to watch and you’re just going along with it because you want him sitting next to you? My husband and I have a couple of shows that we both love, and while watching we pretty much ignore each other because we’re absorbed by the show….I do usually have my head on his lap, tho.

I think the bottom line is we are watching to much television.

I have to say, if no one makes any appropriate comments here and there about what the two of you are viewing, then it is a waste of time. Or whatever is being watched has no brain food value at all.

20/20 type shows mostly. Which can promote some commentary.

Well, at least he’s not watching mindless trash!

This is not about t.v. content. Thanks though..

I know what you’re asking, and I answered it above. And I don’t consider it “quality time” together if there is NO discussion.

I consider watching TV “together time” if I have my head in her lap and she plays with my hair – and vice versa.