When you're being defensive, do you think you're being defensive?

Sure, and I have no problem with being defensive about things that need to be defended.

Sometimes.

It depends on how defensive I’m being. :) If I’m being really defensive, I’ll be blind to the fact. But if I’m willing to bend a bit, I’ll take a deeper look.

Defensiveness is just triggered by fear – past habits or patterns that we’ve developed as coping mechanisms from being hurt. Pat yourself on the back for taking a step back and recognizing defense / fear when it occurs. It’s not easy to recognize.

I absolutely entertain that idea – and usually dismiss it.

I certainly entertain the idea.
It can often break down the barrier I am creating.
naturally, much has to do with tone.
In such cases where emotion has built so high, it is often later that I will look back upon it.

Sure I know if I am and it’s appropriate to whoever or whatever is attacking me!

I’m usually relatively aware that I’m being defensive and that makes me even more defensive because then I feel childish and stupid. Occasionally, I’ll notice that someone is deliberately putting me on the defensive and that makes me angry.

What, me defensive? Never! Who said that I was.

A lot of people define “defensive” as something different than it is. For example, if someone says “I heard you dated so and so” and you say “No, I never did!”, to many people, that is considered defensive. For those accusing people of being defensive, do you ever think that maybe the other person is not being defensive, but simply denying a fact that is untrue?

I know when I am…wanna fight about it?? ;)

Usually when I am in defensive mode it is because I have been entertaining thoughts that I shouldn’t be entertaining. When I am in the mode too I think that I am right and everyone else is wrong. Which I soon find to be wrong.

I usually resist the urge to defend myself. I know what I did and who I am. I’m just trying to understand the other person’s perspective, and if I get defensive, we’ll get nowhere.

I don’t always succeed, especially with my wife. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because she gets so defensive I rarely felt like she heard me. She is trying more, now, so maybe counseling is helping.

But I like to look at myself from the outside as far as I can. So if I think someone’s criticism is fair, I’ll say so. Mostly. And if they are unfair, I tend to think what would make them see things this way. It can’t be the facts, so something else must need to be addressed.

I try to be aware of this type of thing. I try to think rationally. It has a good chance of being true if the topic is an emotional trigger for me.

I am aware when I’m being defensive in arguments. Because I’m pretty much always being defensive in arguments.

I don’t have to entertain the idea, the idea entertains me. When I am being defensive there is little doubt about it and I wouldn’t dream of trying to deny it. My little fist ball up and my right eyebrow lifts so high it it sweeps me off my feet.