[NSFW] What makes a person become a Masochist?

I would imagine that such a pleasure would stem from an abuse of some sort previously in life – most likely in childhood. Obviously this would not be the case for everybody as many would see it as harmless fun. It’s difficult to explain why a person would like this, but I believe it is the result of lifes experiences, either abusive or otherwise.

@beautifulbobby193 That is really insightful. It also makes alot of sense considering the human mind being what it is. I would be surprised if alot of these people that would be the case.

All of these NSFW questions are making me lose my chubby.

@jjmah Use your imagination and you’ll get your chubby back. :)

For me it is a conditioned response from paired stimuli over a long period of time during formative years.

I think that sometimes when people feel bad about themselves for any number of reasons, they believe they should be punished. They may not be punished, so they have to seek out the punishment. Getting punished in the context of sex lets you achieve two goals at once—you get the equalization for the bad you’ve felt you’ve done, and you get to create pleasure, too, by serving your dom. This makes you feel useful and like you have a proper place in the world.

Some people feel like they are just so wrong they deserve the anger they get. If they can provoke their dom into correcting them, they feel useful and like the proper order has been restored.

@jjmah I agree. :-/

I was never abused ever, and didn’t run into this type of thing until college. Surprisingly, I liked it. I think it’s just the intensity of the sensations.

My guess is that often it’s conditioned from childhood experiences. I think some fetishes start as a seed planted during one’s formative years. I think that even with similar experiences, some people then go on to have fetishes and others not, but that’s dependent on personality and such. Other people, like @Adirondackwannabe, experiment with it later and find they really like it.

My beliefs here stem from my personal experience, which is that I had an abusive father who beat me with a belt on my bare ass when I was 4–7 years old. It was extremely traumatic at the time and I did not enjoy it in the least. However, I now have a definite spanking fetish and enjoy aspects of humiliation. punishment, and pain in the same vein.

I have no interest whatsoever in the humiliation stuff. And I have a high pain threshold. The difference between a light caress and a sharp slap are like night and day. I barely notice the first and really take note of the latter. Probably also due to the endorphins from arousal.

@MorenoMelissa1 When were you first exposed to this?

@Adirondackwannabe Age NINE.

@MorenoMelissa1 How were you exposed to it?

“Do people become like this from environment?”
All my experience tells me yes. Any other reason is just an excuse. (Denial)
To cover up a deeper issue.

@ChazMaz I don’t think so in my case. I have never been exposed to it when younger and I have very high self esteem. I don’t know where it comes from in me.

@Adirondackwannabe Through this man. Very sweet man. :)

“I don’t know where it comes from in me.”
You don’t know. Does not have to be something aggressive that triggered it in you.

And how intense? How high a pain threshold? No humiliation?

Can’t call you a Masochist. Maybe a bit of a pain slut. :-)

Ever have your ass torn up with a bamboo switch? Breasts all black and blue and proud to show off your bruises?
DO you like the idea or enjoy being punched in the stomach?
That’s just for starters.

Now we are getting into Masochistic territory.

I’m 35 now but back when I was in my early 20’s I was living in Los Angeles (went to school out there and basically just living life and having fun) my girlfriend at that time had applied for this job to be a dominatrix, well she got the job and the dungeon was located in Bel Air which is a very private and prominent neighborhood there. Needless to say the people that had access to that dungeon were prominent figures and people in power (politicians, doctors, lawyers, etc)
I remember one night she came home telling me about one of the clients *now mind you there is no sex at all involved, these people were not into sex) A man came in and requested her because she was small and petite. They went down to one of the rooms, and he basically gave her $1500 dollars to beat him. So she did, he stopped about 5 mins in and said“That is not good enough, I need you to hit me with something more” So she brought out a cat of nine tails whip instead of just the standard one, again she started to flog him. Again he stopped, this time irritated with her saying “I’m paying you good money and this isn’t cutting it, I need more!” So she looked around the room and saw a 2×4 laying there, she picked it up got into a baseball hitter’s stance and started to whale on him. This went on for about 20 mins, needless to say he loved it and did not start to flinch until about the last 5 mins of the flogging. Shortly after that client she ended up quitting and getting a “normal” job as it was just a getting a bit much for her as that really wasn’t her lifestyle.
But alot of these people that are hardcore into that are in positions of high power and not so much the pain they are into but the whole control thing they are in control of every aspect of their life and need a break. It’s not necessarily that they were abused as a child (I’m sure there are those that are though) but it’s not always the case. I mean she would tell me about black men that would want their doms to dress up as slave owners or Jewish men that wanted theirs to dress up as Nazis. Now to me that is a completely sick idea but all these people that wanted this stuff were your doctors, your lawyers…married men, family men and could afford very high dollar to get this type of punishment. So I would say that someone would be into this sort of pain and punishment solely because they were abused wouldn’t be accurate but also maybe depends on the position they lead in life and need a break from it (albeit what I said is very extreme and very disturbing) but they are really out there.

@ChazMaz That’s probably a better description. I can take a lot of pain. The only thing I can think of is I had to grow up at a young age. It might be I like giving up control, because it also almost always involves bondage.

I’d really like to continue this but my ride is here and I have to head out. Be back tommorrow.

“It’s not necessarily that they were abused as a child”
That is an outsiders opinion. :-)

And the ones on the inside do their darnedest to justify it.

You have no idea how dark it really is, but it is so human.
We do like excessive behavior.

I think reasons vary and they don’t have to be ones having anything to do with abuse or what have you growing up – that’s just an assumption by people who can’t fathom such a practice and think their sexual practices are somehow ‘normal’.

I am in the lifestyle. No “assumption” here. :-)

As you get to know these individuals. You start hearing the same life stories (patterns).

@ChazMaz Fine. Your reason is just one out of a million.

Duly noted. :-) I have only had the experience of being around a half a million.

Maybe when much pain has been dealt to you, giving yourself pain gives you a sense of control over what has hurt you.

Like @ChazMaz .. says in a way, We all have it in us. Some just dont let it out. I myself, like to play dirty. :) and when im dirty, i need a spanking.

@zophu- that’s wise and poetic.

@zophu I think there is a lot to what you said. In a good BDSM relationship, the “bottom” really controls the scene. Anything else is simply abuse and assault. Many masochists come from abusive backgrounds, but I don’t know what the statistics look like, only from personal experience in the scene. Actually I became a “top” mostly to protect the lady I loved from being harmed by irresponsible dominants. The ability to deliver painful stimuli without causing actual damage is a high art form, especially if one does not derive pleasure from inflicting pain.

I’m going to agree with @Adirondackwannabe. I was never abused and then noticed sexual arousal from pain. Over time as a sexual adult I did find some things to be more arousing when they crossed near or over into the threshold of “pain”. I chalk it up to pushing the envelope on what triggers adrenaline and the seeking out of greater intensity at times in order to become further aroused. I’ve never identified this with being a masochist.

It happens because at some point in a persons life they make the association between sex & pain. Everyone finds a little pleasure from pain at some point in their life, whether it be picking a scab off a cut knee as a child, or pushing yourself down the gym to the point of collapse. The ability of humans to associate two disparate things is a powerful tool we all use.

@JeffVader – I like how you worded that, GA.

Association through pain.

Back into the discussion?

It’s not something I have really gone for. I like rough sex, I don’t know if that is the same? But if my boyfriend wanted to sexually hurt me, then I wouldn’t say no.

@Sophief That’s a little scary. I would never hurt my s/o if she didn’t want it. I like the intense sensations, and I’m the one asking for it. I could never inflict pain against someone’s desire.

@Adirondackwannabe That’s not what I said, I said he wanted to try it then I would give it a go. There is no harm in trying. ;-)

@Sophief I stand corrected. Maybe I need a spanking.

@Adirondackwannabe We all need a spanking!

We all need to be taught a lesson, who wants to be first?

I’ll get my strap. Line ‘em up!!~