How much emphasis do you place on the physiological aspect of attraction?

Good question! I like to have all the body reactions that you talk about to confirm that I actually have feelings for a guy, but that isn’t necessarily true. Maybe that is more infatuation in the beginning of a relationship and doesn’t last.

I’m wondering if you’ve experienced this “magic” and “fireworks” with other people, or if that’s something you think you’re supposed to be feeling.

Because it sounds to me like you are having physiological responses to him, and they all sound pretty much on par to me when I really like someone. I’m not sure I ever get butterflies.. but I definitely have to have some sort of physiological response. Usually it’s like that swelling of the heart you mentioned, wanting to touch/kiss them, finding myself sitting there thinking about kissing them even during a normal conversation and starting to feel it in my pants when I imagine doing so. Also, I find that when I’m really into someone, when we touch it’s like lightning through my veins and when we kiss, everything else in the world goes away and all I’m aware of is the feel of their lips, the warmth and feel of them next to me, basically just totally lost in the feelings in that moment.

@MissAnthrope
I’ve felt these reactions (butterflies, heart racing), but usually is was just over a guy I didn’t even know and had a silly crush on. I’ve never felt it in a relationship or a direct interaction; like you said, it’s just what I have been told I should be feeling. I was talking on the phone with my cousin and she asked, “Does he make your head spin?” and I was like “Errrr…”
It made me wonder about this.

I remember someone telling me that it might not be a good idea to be with someone that you are incredibly attracted to physically. But that is how it is with my boyfriend and it hasn’t been problematic in any way.

I think some of what you are describing is meant more symbolically (especially the part about head-spinning. You aren’t really expecting to feel dizzy around him, are you?)

I’ll admit that when my boyfriend and I were first together, it was almost unbelievable. It was unbelievable that this boy I had had a crush on for 6 years was now with me. I couldn’t get my head around it, so yes, my attraction to him was pretty wild when we were first together. But that was expected; this was the beginning of the relationship. A lot of it was just a product of a strong infatuation with him. I hadn’t even done much with him yet; it was just the excitement of the possibilities. That infatuation mellows out after a while.

@MissAnthrope finding myself sitting there thinking about kissing them even during a normal conversation and starting to feel it in my pants when I imagine doing so.

I know exactly what you’re talking about. I feel that all too often.

I mean, I can’t control the physiological effects that I feel when I’m around him or kissing him. It just is. I put as much emphasis on it as it occurs to me. You don’t have to feel crazy hormonal infatuation every time you’re around him; I think what you’re describing sounds fine.

Well if I get a twitch I take it from there! :-/
Never failed yet! ;-) Lol…….

Fairy tale bs.

@boots Such a non-romantic. tsk tsk.

@chyna Anxiety isn’t romance.

Some of it is poetic nonsense, like making your head spin, fireworks, etc. Not that people don’t experience physiological and emotional excitement, just that they’ve found creative ways to express it. Everyone is different, too.

The butterflies thing I totally get with a crush on someone you don’t know well.. That’s a creative way to express the nervousness and excitement. In a way, @boots is correct, because that feeling is correlated with anxiety. Not that I’m an expert, but I think that goes away once you get to know someone, because you worry less about whether they like you, how to act, saying the wrong thing, etc.

Really, only you can know whether you really like someone. I know it’s kind of cliché, but in my experience, you just kinda know when it’s right.

Gadzooks, I believe that is just a bunch of balls on poppycock concocted by people who did not know their own emotions and confused infatuation with love. When you love somebody they feel a void you have (even if you don’t know what that void is) when you are around them you feel great period. Even if you can’t touch them, hold them suck their…….well you get the point. Love goes deeper than if my belly has butterflies or if my palms sweat. Sparks, weak knees etc are just infatuation, the expectation of a fantasy. Love is more of a deep feeling of comfort. It is more of a relaxing swing in a hammock on a warm day with a cool drink than a quick hectic trip in a roller coaster.

It sounds like you’ve got a good thing. Why question it because it doesn’t fall into the storybook love definition.

I don’t put that much emphasis on those reactions because in my case, attraction and arousal are very dependent on how I perceive that person to be trustworthy.

When I first started seeing my current partner, I’d known who he was for some time, known I had an attraction but I wasn’t sure I really knew him or trusted him. Our first kisses were more times awkward or tense for me even though I looked forward to and enjoyed them. Not until I became comfortable and trusting of him did my body really go crazy and then yes, all the butterflies were loosed and there were fireworks.

I think the importance of such reactions is dependant on how important the relationship is to you, & is likely to become in the future.
I’m quite a romantic person so I consider such things to be of great importance. I think we all use our heads too much in relationships. These reactions are just our bodies way of expressing what our brains are thinking, but are to cluttered with logic & rationalism to be clear about. If there’s a person you physically need, who sets your heart racing, who can build you up with a smile, then cut you down with a look, why wouldn’t you believe it? I think more people need to read Shakespeare because that sort of love does really exist, it’s not just found in literature…

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