If Fluther was trapped on a deserted island, how could you help?

Guess that would depend how much food and water is available and how many people we are talking about.

@lilikoi, all active Fluther users are on the island. There is a spring, large and small game animals, and several species of indigenous, edible plants, as well as surrounding ocean life.

I’m a writer so I could spell help in the sand correctly.

I have my computer – which is all we really need for fluther.

I’ll be President!!!!
or gilligan

we all have our computers. so…we’d all be fluthering and probably not notice that we’re stranded anyhow.

I have a Swedish FireSteel and a Leatherman with me all the time. And I keep one of these in my bag. And I never leave the house without my “man purse.”

@Vunessuh, you’re also a total hottie, so that helps.

@Zen_Again and @deni, no wifi in the Pacific :-*(

@jazmina88, you can be president.

@johnpowell, now we’re talking.

I dig Leathermans…....

I have a leatherman, a lighter, a stainless steel bottle, and an iPhone.
All of those things could be useful for survival.

These are the things that if I were away from home at any time, I would have on me.

Oh….damn it…..well. I have some nail polish removers and two pens, and really comfortable pants so….whatever that means…

@Captain_Fantasy, yep. We could use the bottle to boil water if we had to. I’m sure iPhones have some components that could be useful.

@deni, nail polish remover is an accelerator that would help start fires.

well, i’m always into necked islands….....but it is a democracy. Let’s build some shelters, fire pit, food crew, fire crew. scouts….

Escape plans?? Fiddle is Sec of Defense!!!

I have a big red fleece bathrobe and my seldom-used counseling skills and my
ability to sing harmony and my meanness.

I’d die and you can all scavenge my body for food. Not that there’s much there.

I have RX galore, and anti inflammatory patches. insulin for 4 months.

dverhey is our first hero…..

@jazmina88, sounds like a plan.

@susanc, counseling skills could be very useful.

@dverhey, Are you really skinny?

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Oh yes, I forgot to mention…I wouldn’t mind walking around nekkid if ya’ll want.

@Vunessuh, I wish I could give you a bajillion lurve for that

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard According to physicals, I’m unhealthily skinny. I don’t really mind though. Teenage metabolisms are nice. There’s really not that much meat, though.

I have lots of useful information… and even more useless trivia to entertain people.

@dverhey…..we will fatten you up first….dont worry. You get the first bite of island pig.

I’m learning about drama therapy, so I could organise a drama piece to discuss our predicament and explore our feelings.

I have my swiss army knife, a folding skinning knife, a pen and a boxknife. My keyring with a steel striker so I can start a fire. My pocket survival tool is in my billfold.

I know how to make several primitive weapons, snares, shelters, pots, bowls and any number of things to make life in the bush relatively easy. I also have my Cell phone, which I will not throw out as it’s components can be used to make several useful small items.

@dverhey, I’m sure you have some other way you could help us besides letting us cannibalize your evidently waifish corpse.

@talljasperman, sounds good.

@jeanmay, excellent, but let’s try and make sure everyone is fed before we go about writing plays.

@WestRiverrat, me and you are at about the same Bear Grillz level, it seems. You’re my lieutenant now.

I’m an economist, so I could organize the island’s workforce so as to maximize output.

For starters, @Vunessuh, go make me a sandwich.

@bob_ , division of labor, for the win!

And I believe it’s called a “sammich.”

This is survival yo, make your own damn sammich.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Bear Grillz is a piker.

who has medical and science skills??? Let them come forth. contractors.

I don’t have any pockets!! I’m a nurse so I could help there and I’m willing to clean and cook whatever you find. I took archery in college but that’s a few years ago.

@WestRiverrat, actually, you’re right. Allow me to correct myself. You and I seem to have the same level of Jack Churchill badassery that you are now my lieutenant. My mistake about Mr. Grylls.

@faye, every little bit helps.

When I’m out and about, I have a bag with me (I just can’t bring myself to say I carry a purse). Some useful items if I’m allowed to count the bag are a Swiss Army knife, gum for making stuff stick to other stuff, my sunglasses (useful to me), a small supply of Excedrin and Aleve, my iPod (for making signal reflections when we see a ship/airplane), Altoids for when our breath gets stank, and most importantly, my eyeglasses, for making FIRE.

I have some sciencey skills, though my concentration is wild animals, which I guess could come in handy when it comes to dealing with wildlife and stuff. Oh, and I should mention that my nickname at a previous job was ‘McGyver’ because I am weirdly gifted at taking whatever materials at hand and making/fixing stuff.

Let’s hear it for FAYE!!! nurse on the move. Friend to all. Our own Mary Ann with medical knowledge.

Miss Anthrope – got it goin on too!!!!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard, slap @Captain_Fantasy around. He’s hurting morale.

No slappin. we’ll end up like LOST!!!!!

I’ll give him a valium, or maybe we’ll take the valium.

@MissAnthrope, an ipod would make a great signaling device. You are also laden down with plenty of useful nick nacks. Give yourself a pat on the back. You may very well be the key to our survival.

@bob_, he’ll be alright, sailor.

I also carry a pen in case @faye needs to do an emergency tracheotomy.

hmmm i dont really have much on me.My phone would be good until it died as it has a built in GPS and really bright flashlight, but thats only good for 3 days tops. Aside from that, I have a lighter, a bowl, and some weed. So i suppose i can get us high so we forget about being trapped on a deserted island and instead enjoy our “vacation”

Im also currently carrying around a copy of a NOLS wilderness survival book so that could probably come pretty handy.

@uberbatman, are seeds included in your weed?

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard – I like your thinking!

Only thing we are missing is some yeast, so I guess I will have to distill the booze instead of brewing it.

@WestRiverrat, alcohol would actually be pretty useful.

I volunteer to assist propagation of the species.
Now I know what you’re all thinking and yes it is a heavy burden to take on, but I’m willing to do my part such that our line may survive.
Selfless, if you really think about it.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard there is! yayyy we can grow all kinds of nifty stuff.

@uberbatman like more weed!

@Captain_Fantasy, knock yourself out dude. Just be sure to ask the wimminz if it’s ok first.

If we can count my purse, I have a Swiss Army knife and an English police whistle on my keychain, glasses and sunglasses, my phone, several credit cards with foil designs on them (could come in handy if scraped off), an emery board, a small metal container, and a lighter.

As for skills, I’m pretty handy and know how to build things. I’d help with shelters and furniture. I’m also pretty artsy/craftsy, so I’ll also help decorate them. ;-)

me thinks we are gonna make it just fine…...:)

if someone would just kindly tell me they have some gushers in reach and that once on the island i can have them i would be so grateful.

@augustlan, glasses can be used to make fire, the whistle would be a good signalling device, and all that other stuff would be quite useful as well. Shelter is a priority, so your engineering skills would be invaluable.

@jazmina88, I think so too. We will just force any troublemakers to smoke @uberbatman‘s pot so they mellow out.

@deni, I haven’t heard anyone mention gushers since 1997!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I’ve got my Colt on my belt too. Won’t have to worry too much about trouble makers.

I have turned living chickens, fish, cows, and pigs into something that looks like something you would buy at a grocery store. I hate doing it but I could be the butcher.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard i was eyeballing them for 10 minutes in the store today! now, let me stumble upon some DUNKAROOS in the supermarket and it would be OVER. i would have a cart full and would have to call a taxi to get home because 10000 boxes of dunkaroos would not be carry-able on a bike! aahhhhhsdhf

On me right now I have my flip flops. pajama pants, thin tshirt, underthings, a fleece blanket, a hair tie, and my glasses. As well as a usb headset (I “have” my laptop too, but I’m not wearing it and its not in my pockets so I didn’t think it would count).

I have some very basic foraging skills. I watch a lot of Survivorman so maybe some of that rubbed off on me (knowing how to build basic shelters, checking for safe water etc.). I know where/how to look for shellfish (clams, muscles, barnacles even). I’ve done a lot of reclaiming fallen wood and drying/chopping it for fire wood. I’ve tended gardens, and I can cook. I guess overall I know some survival skills.

@WestRiverrat, what kind of Colt? Are we talking about a 1911 here, or something like a 1861 Navy pattern revolver?

@johnpowell, it’s a messy job, but someone’s gotta do it. I have no qualms about hunting island critters if it meant our survival. Thank you for offering your butchering services.

@deni, sweet mother of God, my roommate and I had a stash of dunkaroos last year but we ate them all in three days. Haven’t been able to find them since.

@tragiclikebowie, your skills and assortment of clothes would be very useful to us. You are going on wood chopping/clam scavenging duty with me later.

Today it is a Wilson CQB .45

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard yeaaaaa more weed, but also all the other applications hemp has. We can make ropes and shit or ya know… just get high all day.

@WestRiverrat, oh! Even better. You and I will go hunting later.

@uberbatman, absolutely true. Hemp rope and fabric would be needed to replace our clothing that would rapidly and inevitably deteriorate.

I have also watched that crazy guy who gets dropped off for a week, films himself surviving for a week before they pick him up. Something may have filtered into my brain. Can we be on an island with coca leaves to chew, or betelnuts? I took care of trachs, didn’t do them, learned how in some class, it had better be such an emergency! Isn’t rarebear, DrC, or shililo around?

@faye, sure, there can be cocoa leaves and nuts and stuff like that.

Then I’ll be the one stoned on betelnuts sitting in the corner but I’ll help you tomorrow!

Counting only what’s in my pockets, I have

1. a good, strong pocket knife (we can blaze trails, cut fruits and vegetables, gut fish, defend ourselves against small wild animals, and do art work)
2. a LED flashlight (we can find our way in the dark and send signals) on a 4’ industrial chain (which is bound to come in handy for something)
3. 5 pens of different colors and
4. a little notebook (we can keep track of things, maintain a calendar, and write notes to put in bottles)
5. some change (for whatever little bits of metal are useful for), including American, Canadian, and European coins (a lot of help if we have to make deals with passing sailors)
6. two hair clips (I’m keeping those)
7. a wrapped cough drop (of obvious benefit)
and
8. several tissues (just in case I get the sniffles or there’s no toilet paper in the stall)

I do have my cellphone as well, but I think I’ll just try to use that to start a fire.

Me too on the shellfish finding and processing. Also I know how to make butter. You climb up in a palm tree, and the tigers run around and around and around in a rage because they can’t climb up and eat you, and in awhile they turn into a big pile of butter. Did you know that?
Also, I know a good food source. My son told me about this when he was much, much younger. Q: Why do you never have to worry about starving to death on a desert island?
A: Because of the sand which is there. (sound it out)

Well I guess I have my diaper bag with me, full of huggies and plenty of wet-wipes in there too. They could be used to clean and dress wounds. I too have a notebook, which we could burn seeing as we already have @Jeruba‘s for records. I also have my wedding ring, which we can use to offer the natives when they try to cannibalise us.

Id just be me, what more could anyone possibly need or expect? I must however insist on having splashy naked water fun wiv all the laydeez before chores, good for morale. Well mine anyway.Obviously i’d assume the role of alpha male & have my pick of the most shaggable gals whilst the peasants could fetch & carry for me & my chosen concubines.I suspect we’d have a little lord of the flies thingy going down before too long.Survival of the fittest.Oh one more point, who serves tea?

I am wearing pajamas… I am useless… mostly. I do have under-wire in my bra if that helps?

My skills are in running judicial court proceedings… so I suppose I could set up and run a court for disputes that are bound to happen amongst jellies who scrap it up.

Who wants to be the judge and lawyers though?

Well, clearly, I’d be the judge. ;-)

@augustlan – LOL – good call!

All rise for Judge Augustlan…

We’ve got two firearms in the group now, but without commonality of ammo (Ruger Super Blackhawk and 18 rounds, some is #9 birdshot).
I’ve got the Leatherman with the saw and wrench attachments. My belt pouch has the basic survival gear including a Space Blanket, signal mirror, Silva Compass, wire loop saw, fish hooks and 10m of 50# test line. A small first aid kit containing a few bandages, a vial of betadine, snakebite kit (the suction cup kind), butterfly closures. I’ve also got a squeeze-dynamo flashlight, no need for batteries.

Let’s such about pocket junk…I’ve got one of those survival card things that includes a burning lens and a small edged tool, the rest of the wallet would be useless (paper and plastic), except for fire starting. A keychain with a (real) carabiner, LED flashlight and pepper spray launcher (probably be more useful for its metal cylinder). A small AM/FM/SW radio with a postage-stamp sized PV charger. A card-size scientific calculator, also with solar charger. A handful of US and Canadian coins (fishing weights?). Pen, mechanical pencil, pocket notebook. Eyeglasses (self-darkening), self winding waterproof watch, cigarette case, Zippo lighter. 2 liter canteen filled with grape Gatorade and six granola bars.

Then there’s what is in my head. All the basic junk of a mechanical engineer. 29 years experience as a combat and general military engineer (in case anyone needs a minefield cleared or IED deactivated). Arctic, desert and jungle survival schools. The usual skills of a New England farmer. A head full of military history, war stories and genuine “no shitters” possibly of entertainment value around the campfire (for a few days, then I’ll be boring everyone to death). Reasonable stalking, tracking and trapping skills. I know how to butcher beasts and clean fish.I can recognize and prepare edible wild plants in most situations.

I’m not interested in a leadership role. Since I’m not carrying any antidepressant tablets on me, I’d be useless in a week. Most likely use one round of .44 Mag on myself, my gear passing on to the group.

Note for @WestRiverrat : To make alcohol, we must first brew, then distill the result. Maybe we’ll get lucky and trap some wild yeast, an interesting lab experiment.

I have a pack of gum, paper money might be handy for starting a fire, reading glasses to posible start the fire with, a folding knife and in my wallet is bandaides and 2 fishing jigs. I am trained in 1st aid, avid outdoorsman, trained in outdoor survival, I would be just fine. Actually would be a fine vacation of sorts well deserved and way overdue! The only bummer is I am wearing my good pants but could be worse! lol!

Aww. I miss the first Fluther Island. We were so…naked.

Right now, I’m still lying in bed. I have a tank top and a hoodie on, but I’m not wearing pants. Just boyshorts.. so.. I’m going to pretend I can bring what’s touching me.
I have a blanket on me. My phone is sitting on my chest. And my iPod is sitting on my legs. It’s still plugged into it’s solar charger, so I’ll bring that. I also have about 20 hair ties around my wrists. My bear is being strangled in my arm while I’m typing, so I’m assuming he can come too. But if you try to make a fire out of him, I’ll stab you and turn omnivore.

Unless we end up finding wild horses that I can work with and train to be somewhat useful for us and entertainment for me, then I’m not going to be much help.
Like @dverhey, there’s no meat on my body at all. So eating me would be pointless.

So I’ll just document our journey with my cell phone camera and get hang out with @uberbatman.. I’ve got the music, he’s got the weed.. what more do we need?

Also, I’m vegetarian. Someone help me find edible plants and such?

@rangerr I’d be honored to find and prepare the plants for you.

I’m fucked as far as helping out; no clothes on but I am covered by my comforter and sheets, if that counts. Uh, I am a writer but I go camping a lot so I have skills there! I also was a stripper for about a year many years ago….maybe I could provide entertainment…

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Well, thank you! You can be the first one to use the island horses if I find any!

All I have on me at the moment is an iPod and a cup of coffee, which wouldn’t help much. However, I have some pretty good wilderness survival skills. I know how to fish, and how to make small snares. I can build a shelter and can make a fire (with some of the implements other users listed as having on them). I know CPR and some Wilderness First Aid. Also, I identify plants for a living, so I can help make sure we aren’t eating anything poisonous.

And, I can snuggle with people at night to keep them warm.

I climb trees well, so I volunteer to climb to the top and keep a lookout. someone can bring me food 5 or 6 times a day so i never have to come down. @rangerr i nominate you

@rangerr I’ll lay up and braid you some bridle rope from @uberbatman s hemp fiber.

Just a note: the useful coca grows at high altitude, so… the desert island would have to be in some bone-freezing Andean lake. So far it sounds like we have the South Pacific in mind. Does anyone know how to identify kava? I’d look it up, but that would be cheating (my computer’s not in my pocket)

We should be sure our food supplies are secured before we start expending effort on recreational botanicals.

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities Snuggling! Pick me pick me! I’m small, I need the warmth. We can use my Transformers blanket I have.
@deni DEAL. But will you climb down and dance with me some?
@stranger_in_a_strange_land Perfect!

Rolling papers, Keys, Bank card, Piece of string, Lighter, and some receipts.
And shades and a hat.

All I have on me is my brain. You will all be ok. :-)

Great replies guys. Only 5 months and 29 days left to go!

@stranger_in_a_strange_land, your expertise is more valuable to us than the rest of our goofy pocket detritus combined. You are staying alive!

@rangerr, I’ll be sure your teddy bear remains safe.

@ChazMaz, i’ll take your word for it!

@everyone else, thank you kindly for making this a fun question. Any further replies are welcome of course, but I’ve got to go make a powerpoint presentation about Vichy Morocco and I can’t exactly respond as efficiently as I have been. See y’all on the other side!

I have a lighter. That’s always good. And that’s about it. However, if we should be unlucky enough to come upon an island infested with zombies or cannibals, I’ll be the MacGyver of the situation.
It’s kind of a joke…I’m pretty useless, you guys can eat me, or…something. But if a threat looms and jeopardizes our safety, I can do wonders with just a stick and seven minutes, and all that without memorizing street names or my own phone number. O_o

I’m disappointed that no one even doubts I really have all that in my pockets without any advance preparation.

No matter what. We start eating the thin ones first.

@Jeruba I assumed you had some kind of cargo pants on.. or stuffed it all in your parachute pants. :D

@Symbeline, I’m actually quite confident of your zombie killing prowess.

@Jeruba, oh no, I forgot to address your kit. I’m sorry dear. I don’t have any doubt that you have that stuff on you. Nothing wrong with always being prepared, eh? You never know when you are going to be stuck on an island with a bunch of crazies right?

Ordinary jeans, @rangerr, and I have this stuff on me all the time, plus a few other things I didn’t mention. For instance, the 4-foot chain with the LED light on it also has a key on it. And I have a malachite pebble and a small piece of marble from the Roman forum.

Damn right, @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard. Carrying this stuff for years is all worth it now that you’ve finally asked. Anything for my fellow jellies.

@Jeruba How does it all FIT?!

There will be so many ipods on the island that we could almost open an Apple shop! Just saying.

@Rachienz, lol, I noticed that.

@rangerr OF COURSE CANT WAIT

@rangerr, none of those things is big or bulky (they’d make a lumpy silhouette in Cate’s sleek evening gown, but not in my 5-pocket black jeans). The notebook is smaller than a man’s wallet. I do take some time unloading my pockets before getting on the scale at the doctor’s office, but it makes a pound of difference.

I use all that stuff, too.

Oh, hey, I forgot about the snuggling. I’m an amazing snuggler. In fact, Snuggling is my middle name.

@Jeruba Mother Macgyver of the island? :D

@rangerr We can forage together for plant things.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard We have enough to go on for survival, right? So can we start making a play now? I think there might be some serious things that need addressing, such as body image issues, possible suicidal tendencies and at least two potential cases of sex addiction.

@ucme I’ll serve the tea, but I will not be concubined.

@jeanmay, it’s your time to shine now.

Let me go ahead and add Star Wars references to what I could add.

Random, I know. The title just made me think of it.

Great. Who wants to play Widow Twankey?

@Symbeline Zombies have to be shot in the head, right? You identify them and I’ll pick them off. Anybody who wants to eat you for dinner will have to get past your humble shield-bearer first. :^D

@dverhey I take your Ackbar and raise you a Leia

Perhaps while keeping watch I would end up like TK-421.

@dverhey Not if you have skills like IG-88

why ya got to player hate on ig-88

@uberbatman Shit, that’s awesome.

/threadjack

@uberbatman MC Chris is my favorite person ever.
@dverhey We are stranded on an island. It’s cool.

mc chris lowercase not dots rewind….

@uberbatman I feel weird not capitalizing. Regardless. He’s lovely. I am going to see him on my birthday.

On an island, and it doesn’t look like we’re going anywhere soon, or surviving much longer… ^^^

YAY! Rescue has arrived!

@jeanmay Well you say that now…..

Someone shoot that helicopter down. I’m not ready to leave the island, yet! We haven’t even gotten to the Fluther orgies, damn it!

@ucme Looks like @augustlan is open to some concubining.^^

@augustlan, are those the same fluther orgies we already had or different ones?

I was looking for some new stuff, of the same ilk. ;-)

I’m sure there’s plenty more where that came from!

@jeanmay What with the manager? Good god no, that would be like making out with teacher, no no no no, we can’t be having any of that.Tantamount to insurbordination.Better she rally the peasants. The men folk are bound to be a little on edge what with me bagging all the most gorgeous gals.Yes all things being equal I think she’ll be best served fulfilling her role as island matriach.Happy days!

@Jeruba, Whisky Tango Foxtrot! Who stole my question! @Haleth?
The nerve~!

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Yes, you must destroy the brain. A shot to the head, a hard blow to the skull, even decapitation works. While it won’t ’‘kill’’ them, it renders them pretty harmless, just don’t get close to the head, or go all Kung Fu on them. XD

@Symbeline Should have brought my Conan the Barbarian two-hander. Oh well, I can get 18 of them before having to get creative. Got a spare sleeve you want me to wear on my helmet? :^D

Do you actually have Conan’s broadsword? Cuz if you do that’s awesome.

@Symbeline I sure do. Meghan gave it to me for my birthday about 8 years ago. It’s a replica of a two-handed Scottish Claymore broadsword from the 13th century. With a 42” blade. it’s too long to carry in a belt scabbard; has to be carried across the back in a baldric. It can cut a side of beef in half in one stroke. It’s the same type Arnold carried in the films. I’ve also got a Viking-style “bearded” battle axe.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Do you have any pictures? That sounds awesome. I have a replica of one of the daggers from the comic books, belonging to Thulsa Doom. It’s not real, but I’m sure you could still hurt someone with it. It’s got skulls and shit engraved all over it plus fake rubies, it kicks ass. :D

@Symbeline I’ll find one and put it up. :*D

Dude that kicks total ass. :)