If you suspect someone you love has a drug problem, how would you handle it?
My brother moved out of town about a year ago. He’s almost 21 and lives with a roommate. He used to smoke pot when he was in high school, but I dont know if he used any other drugs. Anyway, he called and asked me for money the other day, saying he couldnt pay his bills. (He’s supposedly working 2 jobs and only pays half of the apartment bills). I told him I would help him if I could but Im not in any position to at the moment. I told my mom he had called and it seems she was the first one he went to but she told him no (apparently he’s ALWAYS asking her for money and she usually gives it to him). The next day I find out he tried to hit up my grandmother for money, knowing that she’s going senial (sp?) and has no concept of money anymore. I personally thought that was very low and completely out of character for him, which now has me convinced that he’s using (The kid has 2 jobs and can’t come up with $400 a month for his share of bills?!?) I suggested this to my mother and she agrees that he probably is on drugs. We are disagreeing on how to handle this. Dr. Phil says that people need to hit rock bottom before they are truly ready to clean themselves off (and Dr. Phil is ALWAYS right!! ;-) ) My mother doesnt feel the same and wants to help him out. (Which Dr. Phil would call enableing!!). What would you do in this situation? Sit back? Intervene?
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Dr. Phil? Anyway…
You are jumping to conclusions. If you have suspicions go to his house, spend some time with him, maybe even ask.
@tinyfaery He lives out of town. Besides if I were to come right out and ask him he would deny it up and down
So go visit. He is your brother. You do care about him, right? And again, you are assuming he would lie.
@tinyfaery Just because I’m not able to visit him doesnt mean I don’t care about him. And Im not assuming that he would lie, I KNOW that he would!!!
I’d suggest talking to him first. You can’t be certain that he has a drug problem based on him asking for some cash. Ask him how he’s doing, why he’s struggling to pay the pills, despite having two jobs, etc..
Does he have a history of drug abuse?
It’s a pretty extremem conclusion to jump to.
Regardless, if you’re very concerned about him, it might be a good idea to offer support – when he feels like reaching out, he’ll know you’re there for him
@stardust Yes…he does have a history of using marijuana, pretty much all through high school. I just dont like the idea of him not paying his bills, but I would not forgive myself if I gave him money that I didnt have and found out it wasnt going to the water bill you know?!?
Not giving them money is a good start.
Besides his marijuana use in high school, is there any other reason why you think he’s using the money for drugs? There are a lot of other reasons people get desperate for money… loans, gambling, alcohol, maybe something happened at work that he’s not telling you about, etc. In any case, I agree with @Captain_Fantasy – just don’t give him money.
@Captain_Fantasy That’s what I’m trying to get across to my mother!!! EVEN if it isnt drugs…it’s time he stood on his own two feet already!!
@xxii The thought didnt even really cross my mind until he tried to manipulate my grandmother. Then I had an “A-HA” moment. I do hope I’m wrong though
Just talk to your brother see what’s what’s going on.
Regret sucks. Good luck.
You can’t force him to quit, it’s a choice he needs to make on his own…....just make sure everyone knows not to give him any money and let him reach rock bottom on his own.
Dr. Phil is mistaken every now and then a person can quit the sh*t beore they hit rock bottom. The kid is 21 years old and if he is using drugs you could be in for a long dangerous haul waiting for him to hit rock bottom. What exactly is rock bottom anyway? Homeless? Prision? Dead? If you think your brother is using drugs you need to make it your business to find out. And, if he is, everyone in the family needs to make it their business to try to get him help now.
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