Are trust issues causing me to over-react?

wait. your brother has physically, emotionally, and sexually abused you? does your friend know this? if she does why would she want to be AT ALL close to him let alone spend the night with him? if she doesn’t know it, are you going to tell her?

I don’t think you are over reacting, you have a right to feel that way and if your friend knows, why would she do something like that? The root of your problem, I’m sure you know, has to do with your brother. To put some real closure on this, you have to face your demons

@deni Yes, he has abused me. She knows about the physical and emotional side, so I suppose I feel very hurt that she’d ever go there. I’m so confused as to how to approach her. We talk every day so it’s not something I can or want to skulk away from. I feel nauseous with anxiety thinking about this.
@WolfFang Yes, you’re right. I’m trying to face those demons. I wish I could just walk away from it all sometimes. If only it worked like that :)
Should I keep quiet and deal with it by talking to a counsellor, as opposed to discussing personal details with my friend?
It’s not something I discuss much.

Either your friend did not understand the severity of your concerns about your brothers lack of character and his past criminal behaviour (which seems likely) or she has such low self-esteem that she would submit to a guy with a history or incest and physical and emotional cruelty. If you think she did not sufficiently understand the details, if you still care about her, you need to explain yourself completely. Do you have other friends on whom your brother might be inclined to prey? If so, you know what to do.

You need to work with a therapist with special skills in dealing with women who have been physically, emotionally and sexually abused by a family member. This is not something any woman should have to deal with without proper help.

If there are any steps you can take to prevent your brother from attempting to victimize other women, you may want to find out what can be done. His behaviour pattern does not typically stop until someone else (the authorities) stop him. I’m sure you don’t want other women and children to be abused because his behaviour remains secret.

I’m so sorry you have suffered at his hands. You can get past these things and be able to have healthy relationships with men in the future but you will need help and it will take some hard work on your part.

Even if she doesn’t know of the sexual abuse the physical and emotional side should’ve kept her from ever wanting to even know him. I would have to say she doesn’t believe you and you are just better off keeping away from her till she comes to her senses.

Thanks for the replies :) I appreciate it. I don’t think my friend’s actions were intentionally cruel, but I’m finding it very hard to see the situation with any clarity.
I’ll take some time in case I approach it in the wrong way

Oh, btw. I see it didn’t really answer your question. You are not over-reacting. Its called self perservation. You know what he is capable of and you don’t need to be dragged back in. Some family relationships are not worth having at all and her friendship is no acception.

No you are not over reacting. I dont know how your friend was able to do that either.

But stay strong.

Thank you

No over-reaction from my point of view. I wish you the best in resolving this, both on an immediate level with your friend and a long-term basis for yourself. You should not have to live with this shadow your brother put on you. :(

No overreaction on your part. Your friend needs to know that your brother’s motivation for sleeping with her was to mess with you, and she was duped into being a party to it.

She’s your best friend.I would tell her about him.

I don’t think you are overreacting. Your brother already violated you intimately and here he is sniffing around the intimate friendship you have formed with your best friend. You probably will never escape the creep unless this issue is spoken of with him and anybody else it might impact, like your friend. I’d tell my friend. Get it out in the open, make it a known thing in your world. Don’t hide the shame it’s not yours, it’s your brothers, give it back to him and tell him to steer clear of your personal boundaries. She went ahead with it because she doesn’t have the most important piece of the puzzle.

well, it seems as though your friend doesn’t truely respect your feeling, but she also doesn’t know what happened. many think girls dont want them to talk to their brother for some stupid reason. this is proubly what she thought. maybe what you could do is sit her down and tell her that you would really appreicate it if she did stay away and hint to her that he is abusive without telling her your story. well until your ready to do so.

You’re not over reacting, your feelings are valid but maybe your friend doesn’t know you and your brother’s history? If she does then she’s on her own for whatever fallout comes to her including less trust on your end to be her friend.