Am I jumping to conclusions about this guy?

Best thing to do is flat out ask him what’s going on. It could be that he is still interested and thinks that when you move closer something more could happen or it could be that he is just being “friends” in his mind.

Thoughts? Yeah. “Oy” comes to mind.

@zen again Sorry, I don’t understand your comment?

It sounds like in the current state, the effort to date you—driving, time, etc. is not an investment he is willing to make, but he does genuinely like you. Distance relationships are extremely difficult, and can lead nowhere fast, because for some people, proximity and access to a person’s time is important. He’s giving off signals that when you move back, he’s interested in spending time with you, but the dating meter will probably reset at that point.

For now, think of him as a friend who likes talking to you, and looks forward to spending time with you when you move home.

Well, just from what you’ve said, you could take it either way. Provided this is how he behaves with most friends I’d be inclined to say it sounds like he’s just doing what friends do, keeping in touch, chatting, etc. If you’re comfortable with it, just take it at face value, and enjoy your new found friend.

And if he’s looking to rekindle the past with you that will likely become apparent sooner rather than later.

It is never exactly clear what “just friends” means. I’d say that 75% of the time it is thought of as a nice way to let you down. That’s nonsense, of course. The end is the end and people should own up to it, I think. It is only that which saves people long stretched-out pain.

I think that if you do transition into friends, it happens on its own, without anyone defining it. Definition of a relationship is death of a relationship, I think. Relationships need to be free to grow and change. But the impulse to know what the other person thinks is going on; to label it; is very seductive, arising from our insecurities.

If you will be friends or if you will start dating again, you can not know. I think you should decide what to do based on your comfort level. If you are ok with seeing what happens, and you aren’t checking your phone waiting for a text every ten seconds, then let it be. Maybe friends. Maybe more. Maybe not.

But if you are all anxious about whether and when and what, then it’s not good at all. Some people like the drama, so they like to hang on, waiting and agonizing. Others know better, and are able to control their emotions enough to move on.

Anyway, that’s how I’d decide. I you are anxious, then cut it off. If not, let it ride.

blah – he dumped you and is trying to keep the door open – ignore him.
it’ll be good for both of you.

the currency of affection – scarcity increases value.

It’s hard to say. Are his texts downright friendly… or are they flirty? I guess that would give more insight about where he stands.

Hmmm…..

I always believe that if a guy really, really, really is interested in a woman, if she lives on another galaxy, he will find a way to see her.

However, he really could be a guy who just doesn’t like the idea of having to schlepp for dates. There are some anti-schleppers out there.

I think you should be honest:

“Hey, Clemford, thanks for the texts. I am moving close to where you live now. You weren’t interested in dating me because I lived in Altoona, right? You wanted us to be “just friends” when I lived far away. Now that I live in Scranton and down the street from you, does that change things…or do you still want to just stay friends. I won’t be offended if you say you’d like to just be friends.”

Even if you are offended——you have to get to the truth and be as nonplussed as possible. If he says, “friends” and you really don’t want to be friends, you wanted more…:

“Well, Clemmy, my dear…I have more friends than Noah did when he built that ark and it started to rain. You are a great guy, but the free time I do have, I would like to spend with someone who is as crazy about me as I am about him. I wanted that to be you. Since it sounds like it’s not——I think I’d be better off single so that new person and I can find each other. Thanks for your candor. I hope you will appreciate mine. Ta-Ta!”

Best of luck.

@DarlingRhadamanthus Thank you! That made me laugh so much but is so so true! He did say on our second date that he has a friend who lives near me and would come and visit me as he thought about how he could keep the dating going. He obviously must have changed his mind though! But thank you again for your response, I just need the courage to ask him that. I move back in 2 weeks, when should I ask him? I think it will sound desperate if I ask him the second I move back?

invite him to your housewarming?

Fantasy, perfect world answer: You could tell him you’re moving back, he’ll reply “that’s great!” and offer to help you move in. That will turn into a romantic evening and you two will live happily ever after.

Reality, world we live in answer: You could tell him you’re moving back, he’ll think you sound desperate and suggest that you two just strictly remain friends. You’ll later discover that someone else “popped up” for him and that he’s checking that out while keeping you on the back-burner.

Take your pick of perspective :). In my world, it’s usually the latter. I guess there’s only one way to find out. Let us know how it goes – make a believer out of me :P.

@hy5nmc…I’m glad I made you laugh! Sorry, I had not checked back on Fluther…will all the election stuff going on here.

Hmm…I understand that you don’t want to call him right away. Settle in, get everything unpacked, then contact him.

And really be prepared for the answer…okay? Do not take it personally if he is NOT interested…it’s not about you. There is no excuse now….if you live down the street, right? So, if he doesn’t come around or appears to want to date you, then you will know.

Most of all….start going out with friends, keep yourself busy…and maybe even entertain dating men other than Clemmie again.

You do deserve to be with someone who is nuts about you…..:)

Best of luck!