How do you propose to someone in a same-sex polyamorous relationship?

I would guess in the way a monogamous hetero would !!
Why should it be different because it is an alternative lifestyle!!

The same way you do it with anyone…...You may need to elaborate more, because this question didn’t need to be asked.

How ever you want.

Are you planning any change in lifestyle? Do you want to become exclusive?

@Pretty_Lilly Because there’s 3 people in the relationship, & who’d do the proposing?

@Draconess25 Whichever one feels the urge.

@marinelife And who would said person propose to 1st? Or both at the same time? We’ve only been dating for 2 months, so yeah.

Whomever you decide to propose to first (or both together) make sure you contact MTV about a reality show first.

All kidding aside I think it’s great and wish you all the luck in the world.

If it was me, my first instinct would be to take the initiative and propose to both in unison.

Thinking about how… in a way that would express my love for them on equal terms. I’d try to instill the as complete an understanding as I could manage how unbalanced my life would be without their love and friendship and how much I look forward to sharing and experiencing life with them. As to specifics, that kind of thing is mostly inspired by the person (people in this case) involved, so I can’t really say.

To clarify – what exactly are you proposing? You can’t exactly propose marriage to two people. I mean to say…you can propose marriage, but you can’t legally marry both of them. What are your intentions, in the long run?

Two months seems awfully early for a proposal.

@Akiora Screw the rules.

@Draconess25 I take that to mean you’re proposing long-term commitment, but not a legally-binding marriage?

Polyamory is way more complicated than a casual relationship with multiple partners needs to be.

It sounds like you’re happy with the way things are. Why mess with what’s already working for you?

A proposal is the convention of straight monogamous people so I guess I don’t understand why polygamous people want to embrace the values of people who’s beliefs they don’t share.

@Akiora Not legally. Again, screw the rules.

if you understand the reasons why monogamy and heteronormativity are problematic in our society (which i am assuming you do if you are in a polyamours relationship) then how can you not know that marriage is problematic as well… why would you go from one extreme of saying “screw the rules” to playing right into the rules by wanting to get married? marriage is one of the oldest rules around, honey.

oh, and Dr_C is right. MTV would eat that up

@alive Well, screw the law. Screw the rules still sounds cooler….

Besides, life is problematic, but I’m not offing myself anytime soon!

what i mean is marriage is an institution, why are you letting an old tradition dictate the actions in your relationship. Emma Goldman on Marriage and Love

@alive….So I can wear a fancy dress & have an excuse to blow my money on a cheesecake that weighs more than I do.

you could just have a party

@alive Yeah, but a party for what exactly?

well, that’s up to you to decide… anything you want really… love?

@alive….Otay!

And what exactly are the problems with monogamy? We’re just going out because we all clicked. I didn’t know of any specific problems that we were avoiding!

You don’t. Simple.

oye! you are asking me way to big of a question…

how old are you? not in a mean way, but you seem kinda young.

@alive 19, almost 20. Age is just a number.

You’re asking for some sort of guidance based on social customs or rules, but there really isn’t much in the way of rules and conventions for this sort of situation. There are many kinds of involvement and commitment besides a traditional marriage, as you know. And you don’t seem too interested in rules anyway. So why don’t you make up your own? You can have a party to celebrate anything you want, and you can call it anything you want.

@Jeruba A Zombie-Marshmallow-Nuclear-Fishy-Spasmatic-Batdrunken-Octopusface-Badgering-Gopher Party!!!!

age is just a number until you realize there was a time when you were young and didn’t know as much then as you do now. read that emma goldman piece i posted if you haven’t already

Well, I know how I would propose to either one or multiple people….. but you need to do what feels right for you. You’ve an incredibly strong personality, a vivid imagination, & a wicked sense of humour. I don’t honestly think anyone of us could come up with something that would be perfect for you.

@Draconess25 I’ve been in a similar situation. A triad of bi lady, lesbian lady and hetero guy. We didn’t form the relationship(s) simultaneously, if it happened the way you propose it would have been structured differently. You’re wise to avoid marriage or civil union, as that would leave one party “out in the cold” because of bigamy laws. We had to create contracts and other agreements, involving lawyers, to provide as much equality and security as possible for the partner not legally “married”.

We used a combination of legally-binding contracts, wills, health care directives and other written agreements that were not legally binding but all held sacred. We were mutually exclusive sexually, exceptions (rare) by unanimous consent. All major decisions were made in a “family council” setting; some issues decided by majority, some by unanimity. Our goals in this setup were to promote equality, harmony and discourage jealousy.

You should realize that a three way committed relationship is not twice as difficult, more like four times the work as a monogamous pair. It can be done, it worked for us almost ten years, ending only with the death of one of the partners.I still consider myself bound by it’s terms, even though I’m not legally married to my surviving partner and our relationship is more like a close friendship than a marriage (our sexual orientations don’t match up).

It would be a great idea if you could all simultaneously “propose” to each other (would require a little behind-the-scenes coordination). That creates a nice excuse for a party. Then you could work out the details of the relationship, rules, etc. Write these down and set a date to formalize the agreement and come up with a ceremony consistent with your mutual beliefs (we sealed our agreement in blood). Then you can have an even bigger wing-ding.

Best of luck, I’m really happy for you. I hope that eventually marriage will be defined as whatever it’s adult, legally competent members define it as; with the state serving only as a repository for the agreements and having no role in defining what a marriage is.

PM me if you need details on any particular issues our agreements.