Should i break up with my girlfriend after 7 years?

buddy, I think she broke up w/you a long time ago

*sorry, I know we’re all a happy family here, and everyone’s super nice to each other [at Fluther] but someone had to tell him.

You can break up and not be with someone. How ‘bout that? You might need to take a year or so and just be your own person. Finish your studies and put some distance between yourself and this relationship. You’re not the same person that you were six years ago, and neither is she. People grow apart. I think that you should face that she grew away from you when you weren’t looking. Sorry. This may come as a blow and it will be painful for a while.
Your best bet is to concentrate on school and yourself. Think about a person in your life later. You don’t have to jump into a relationship because you’re not with her, even if she does. It kind of sounds like she has someone in mind already.

its probably time to end it. and this time with some clearly defined boundaries (not this ‘kind of roommates+ thing). you cannot just stay with her because you don’t like the idea of her with someone besides yourself. (and vise versa)

and as @windex said, it sounds like she has already ended it in her mind

obviously this is not an easy situation, and it will be painful and take a lot of getting used to… good luck though, it will be for the best i think

Is there anything in sight that is salvageable? Can you identify your problems, figure out what went wrong and why you guys are drifting further and further apart? Are there attainable goals and is there motivation to reach those goals? If yes, do you see the two of you happier if all proposed standards are met?

If most of your answers sound positive, why dont you try pumping the breaks, sitting her down and starting at square one – discuss that there is an indefinite problem that needs to be fixed immediately and try to convince her that the problem is worth resolving. Remind her of the love you once both had and illustrate to her (or if you dont know, ask) what happened and why you think things can be repaired. If not…

If you’ve already tried all of this, she refuses to talk/take what you have to say seriously, she sees no positive future between the two of you – perhaps you’re beating a dead horse. Think, you’ve given things an ample amount of time to improve and evidently time together wasn’t the answer. If you haven’t hit the “U-shaped recovery” you were hoping for by now given you’ve taken all available action and option to fix things, what makes you think in another year or two things are going to turn themselves around? I’m a very strong-willed person; once I grab hold, I dont let go. I could be very stubborn in that once I truly believe, I have a hard time disbelieving. Needless to say, I have a very hard time letting go and although I couldn’t even imagine letting go of someone after being together for 7 years, I understand that letting go itself isn’t very easy. Sometimes you just have to accept reality, drain your eyes out, take a deep breath and let it go.

What to do with the thought of her being with another person? Think, if that’s what she wanted after all, your idea of you two being happily ever after has expired. She’s already dealt with and tossed that idea if it’s evident that she wants to see other people. It’s a hard reality to accept and I would agree, it is a little sickening at first. After awhile, perhaps you’ll learn to acknowledge this and the thought wont seem all that foreign; it will begin to make sense despite the time you both have spent together.

How to advance? Adapt to a perception of a future without her. You’ll be getting your Masters degree in a field of study(meaning more higher paying, possible jobs) and you’ll be single. Your life is going somewhere, look through the window of opportunity and steer it in a desirable direction. That much is very valuable – if someone no longer wants to love, appreciate, respect and adore you, you’re selling yourself short.

I’m no love doctor and I could easily be wrong, but I hope my words of wisdom at least help give you something to consider.

You know what’s weird? In the old days, before it became commonplace to live with one’s girlfriend for years on end, things tended to last longer.
Probably no direct connection, but it’s an interesting correlation.

Is one of your main reasons for staying with her the fear that you won’t find anybody else? Because it seems like you’re not getting anything out of this situation, you’re being overly devoted, and she’s lost interest. If you believed that you could find someone more considerate and more interested, you would leave your girlfriend, right?

It does sound like it has sputtered out. She’s hardly treating you as a friend even when it comes to the going out stuff. Staying in relationships too long wastes your time and sucks the life out of you. I certainly agree with the poster who said that you need to be alone a while. After a relationship that long (an unhealthy one like this) you often lose sight of who you are and how to define yourself outside of another person. This post-breakup time could be a period of major growth for you. Speaking from experience here.

If she isn’t already letting another guy enter her, then it must just be a matter of time.

if you have to ask, then I think that means you should just do it. Sounds like she’s pretty much moved on.

You need to give her something to look forward to. have you ever discussed your real future together, thats not associated with college? she wants more and this is the missing link between you two. women want a man they can look up to. can she look at you and see her hero? if not, you need some serious adjustments. what interests you and her in life? fill out a job application at a location that will draw her interest and see what happens. life and love is not all about degrees.

wow, a lot of responses in a short time.. Well there are a couple of things need to be made clear, Since we talked about the break up 6–7months ago, things between us have been getting better but i wouldn’t call it a U-shape recovery yet more like a the J point. @Disc2021 thanks for your input i think i can relate to your views the most.
The thing is that we may not be having “quoitus” but intimacy is still there we talk all the time, go out for dinner , movies, buy each other presents, surprises. But it lacks the intimacy level we once had. And i have been trying to get it back, with no prevail.
If she really have moved on wouldn’t she have left and saved this turmoil of a emotional limbo? @xRIPxTHEREVx ?

I understand the fact that i need to achieve something that makes her proud @john65pennington but she knew what it meant for me to study and after this we do have plans depending on outcomes, but meanwhile i suspect she wants more than i have to offer in this period of time. This is the main issue i think..I suspect she doesn’t see me as a desired partner anymore, and i predict never will.
@crankywithakeyboard I think i will take your advice, for it does seem like it has sputtered out and this i knew even before the asking of my question on this issue. I hope that the change in my life will make me see the bright things in life and not the dark.
Its just almost impossible to muster up the strength to follow through, every effort i put into doing this breakup, i get flashbacks of everything we went through which involved the greatest time of my life.
@Haleth its not that i’am scared i wont get another girlfriend, its i know i wont feel that way about a person ever again, the level of comfort and sincerity and beauty + positive experience + romance and understanding that = the love that we had is hard to find and i know this for a fact. This is what i’am trying to hold onto this last few months but it is inevitable, i will do this split the end of this term, when i can leave and give her time alone for months where i will not be anywhere near, so she can either pack up or reevaluate. Cause it is draining and i have lost myself, don’t know who i am without her. and will have to find myself again. Thanks for all comments on giving me a foreign perspective on the issue. Did help.. Sincerely…

What you and your girlfriend need is to break up. I had been living in almost the same situation with my ex boyfriend and really sometimes that what you need to do is break up. there is no point in staying together. It may be one of the hardest things for you to do but in the end you will be happier.