I’ve been thinking about this question, within the context of the process I’m undertaking by questioning my gender identity. Anatomically, I am a woman. Yet, cognitively, I have moments of feeling ambiguous or more masculine than feminine. By this I am not referring to typical gender roles. I believe personal characteristics, interests, abilities, etc., are based upon the individual regardless of sexual or gender expression.
For me experiencing life inside my body, feeling more masculine than feminine means I have the desire to do things physiologically related to being a man. For example, sometimes I have the strong desire to shave my face even though I have thin, invisible peach fuzz. At times, without thinking, I lower my voice while speaking to someone who really knows me. Around those who expect me to act like a woman, my voice tends to be higher.
Sometimes, I have the urge to go into a men’s restroom and to use a urinal. In my mind, I have a real penis, even though I have typical female anatomy. For years, I’ve referred to my penis as my “imaginary penis.” But, I wouldn’t say it is a figment of my imagination. It feels real to me, and it is a part of me in almost everything I do – from wearing clothes to expressing sexual/sensual desires. I don’t need a packy to affirm this feeling. In fact, I feel more natural when I am as is – without any special changes in my appearance.
I am equally comfortable wearing a tie or wearing a dress, although I have not put on a dress in more than 4 years. I think men and women can wear anything they want, so I don’t limit apparel to sex or gender expression. However, I feel like I am putting on clown makeup when, in the distant past, I wore cosmetics. So, natural to me is to be sans cosmetics. Also, although I have worn my hair medium length and I have dyed it various colors, I prefer a buzz cut and my naturally grayish brown hair.
I have been casually processing the meaning of gender ambiguity and the desire to do the above mentioned typically male activities, etc. For me, in my body, I do not feel the need to go through a major transformation. I am comfortable as is. However, there are times I wonder what it would be like to physically transform my appearance to match the feelings I have inside. If I were to do this, it would be because of my sex (how I feel regarding my physiology), and not because of my gender (how I express the expectations of my sex).
Having said this, I think gender refers to how others and how the self perceives the way one should act according to one’s appearance. I think sex refers to physiological characteristics (whether observable or hidden), and how these characteristics function in terms of biological urges.