Would you drop a Facebook friend under these circumstances (details inside)?
I have a friend whom I’ve only known as the other half of a committed couple. Things seemed to be going very well in their relationship (I won’t describe details because I don’t want to identify them.) Then, out of the blue, they broke up a few months ago. Just recently, this friend has another lover and is wasting no time bragging about how wonderful the lover is. Meanwhile, this friend and the ex are on FB, and I read their status updates all the time. The ex isn’t writing anything fantastic, just normal day-to-day stuff. There are a lot of mutual friends in the entire dynamic.
I think what the friend is doing, by constantly updating about the fabulous new love, is not at all considerate to the ex (they are still mutual friends on FB) and is just plain rude. Even if the ex is okay with it, it hurts to watch the whole thing unfold. I’m becoming really disappointed in this friend’s behavior. But, I’m hoping it’s just temporary—the side-effects of a new love.
Thoughts?
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7 Answers
It sounds unkind at the very least. It could also be rubbing it in the ex’s face. He could well be very angry with his ex. Do you know who broke up with who?
Have you considered raising your concerns with your friend? Perhaps your friend doesn’t have any insight on his or her’s actions. At the very least, you can say you don’t like it.
In the end, it seems like plenty good reason to drop a facebook friend, to me. But you probably should pay much attention to my advice. I’ve dropped a lot of fb friends (and closed my account), so I don’t have any friends any more.
It sounds like foul play, but to be honest it could be based in insecurity..like a “well i’m hurt that we’re still together…i’m embarrassed that people know that we were in this long and fruitful relationship…that i need to boast about this new relationship so people are able to detach me from my old relationship…and stop asking me about the break up”...kind of thing.
I think it has nothing to do with you what-so-ever. You have no way of knowing how the ex feels about it, or what kind of private discussions the two of them have had.
If you actually knew that the ex was hurting, or that the other person was intentionally being mean, that’s insight into your friends’ characters. But it sounds like you really don’t know at all.
You could talk to the friend to see if they realize what they are doing if you are really concerned. If the ex isn’t saying anything though, I would probably stay out of it.
If you don’t want to completely drop them as a FB friend but don’t want to see anymore of their wall posts for now you could just block them from posting anything on your wall.
It would depend on how close I am to this friend. If they’re in my inner circle, I might just choose not to get updates on my wall from them for a while. If they’re not someone I’m close to, I probably would drop them.
I have little patience for the stupid, immature games people play with each other on FB. I’ve had friends kind of diss me in public during moments of anger, I was angrily confronted last year by my ex right after our breakup about a picture and status update I’d posted, both having nothing to do with her, and I really don’t feel like you should air your dirty laundry in public. Ditto for using FB to make people feel like crap through passive-aggressive means like that.
Also, I forgot to mention this. If you’d like to keep them around as friends but you’d just not like to read their statuses, you can hide them too!
If it bugs you, then defriend them. I get annoyed at mushy couples on my facebook, but that’s how they choose to utilize it..their choice. If I don’t want to read it, I can ignore it or get rid of them as a friend (on facebook).
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