Is something wrong with me?

I think your age could be a huge factor, if you don’t mind sharing that information.

@poofandmook No its ok.I’m in high school.

Yes

Sounds like a raging case of hormones to me. Teenage angst. You could always talk to your doc about it if you’re worried though.

@poofandmook Yeah because this has been going on since middle school.I’m always looking for a way to put myself down.

if you’re concerned you can talk to a school counselor for free, who can then advise you if you should seek additional help.

Sounds a lot like depression to me. Why don’t you think it’s depression? You put yourself down. You have crying jags. You mistrust happiness and you hold your anger and other feelings in?

I do all that. I’m being treated for depression. Now I don’t do it so much. I had the self-esteem of a clam for a while. I still don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Sometimes it feels like there’s something important missing in me that other people have—even take for granted. Other times, when I’m happier, I don’t notice the thing that is missing, but I still don’t feel whole.

I often felt like I had to be doing this to myself. Like I couldn’t be happy without being unhappy, if that makes any sense. I would deliberately (it seemed) try to sabotage myself. I’d do things that hurt myself just because that was so much easier than trying to justify being in good shape. I’m a lot older, but this may resonate with you. I’d push away people who loved me—especially my wife. I wanted to be thrown out, because that was the only way I could justify the feelings I was feeling.

When I was your age, I had no communication with my parents. They had no clue what I was going through, and I don’t even know if they would have done anything if they had known. I don’t know if I made this happen or not, but after I graduated from college, I went home and they threw me out. I felt like no one wanted me. Not my parents. Not any employers. I had few friends.

I managed to pull it together, and did all right for many years, until I got bipolar disorder. Then the depression—well, all I can say is that the way you describe what you’re going through—it sounds far too familiar.

So you might want to talk to a school counselor like @poofandmook suggested. You might want to talk to your family doctor. Or your parents—if you have a good relationship with them. Or ask to see a therapist or psychologist.

@wundayatta I dont think it is depression because it comes in waves, some way worse than others.And yes, it does make sence when you said you cant feel happy without being unhappy.I thought about that one day.

@XoXoMEXoXo: There is clinical depression, and there is teenage angst. Clinical depression, which @wundayatta described, is usually pretty constant but worsens in waves. I went to school with so many people who felt like you do now, and as they got older, it evened out. It could very well be hormones. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions just yet.

I would definitely see a school counselor first before shelling out the bucks for a therapist or psychologist, or even a doctor’s visit.

O.O Woah, there’s some one like me out there. I never thought there would be. I thought something was wrong with me, but I find that if I talk to my parents about my day, the ups and downs and all, I don’t get these enormous dam bursts of emotion of just built up tension. My moods have mountains and valleys, my dad has told me that if we continue to talk about whatever happens, my valleys won’t be so deep. I say just talk to someone you trust completely and utterly, maybe that’s just God, but talk to someone trustworthy, and I can assure you, it gets better. It’s been 3 months since my last dam burst of tears. Long for me.

@XoXoMEXoXo Sometimes the waves of sadness and depression do even out as you get older. However, that doesn’t mean you should suffer now, hoping it will get better. Having therapy can help you cope with your feelings more effectively, and help you make sure things don’t get worse.

I believe that when you have waves of depression, that each time, the bottom is a little bit worse than the time before. This is not a pattern you want to keep on happening. If it is depression, it is very serious. Depression kills far too many teenagers these days. Just for example, with the disorder I have (bipolar) one out of five of us die from suicide.

If your parents have health insurance, then there should be no problem getting care. But even if they don’t, please take this seriously. Better safe than sorry. If it is depression, and if it gets out of hand, you will find yourself doing things to harm yourself. In the back of your mind you’ll wonder why, because it doesn’t makes sense, but you’ll be unable to let that voice be strong, and it can become easier to hurt than to try to cope. If that happens, you are in deep trouble. Watch yourself. If you find yourself moving in that direction, please, please get the help of a psychiatrist as soon as possible. They can find medicines that can really help. Those meds save a lot of lives (including mine).

@wundayatta The truth is I really dont have anyone to talk to.If I tell my mom I want to see a therapist then she will say I’m overreacting.If I talk to the counselor she will say something to my mom.My friends think that I’m really happy because like I said I try not to show it if I am sad.I already know what my mom will tell me.I have nowhere to turn.So I try not to make a big deal out of it.And I know its not good but I feel like theres nothing wrong with the moments where I just get falshbacks and cry.
@PacificToast I’m glad you found someone else who feels that way.I feel a bit better knowing that I’m not some freak.

@XoXoMEXoXo: If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.

No, nothing is wrong with you. What you are feeling is a natural consequence of the gradual discovery that you are at the top of the economic and cultural pyramid that makes up the world, and you are concerned with the ‘how’ and ‘why’ of it all. This is a natural part of ‘growing up’ or gaining maturity.

There’s nothing wrong with you, you are pushing your emotions, feeling out the spectrum of what you can feel against the experiences you have so far and probably some anticipation built up of what’s to come. Work it!

@XoXoMEXoXo At times in our lives, it seems like we are on an emotional roller coaster and when there are periods of calm, we sometimes distrust that more than the periods of turmoil. Many young adults experience such feelings and it does not mean there is something wrong with you.

If your discomfort gets so intense that you start to feel like you can’t cope with day to day experiences and demands on you, then you owe it to yourself to ask for and look for help and to keep asking until you find the help you need. You must be your own advocate and you must tap into the resources that are available to help you. If you are not sure if you need help, then get a little help to see if that is what you need. If you are not aware of the help I offer, then look at my profile.

There are probably sources of help closer to you though your school or local community resources and you should avail yourself of those if you feel you need help. That’s why they are there.

Don’t worry that you are somehow defective or messed up. Life is a complicated and confusing thing but even with all the bumps it is worth the struggle to find your own path to satisfaction and happiness.

@XoXoMEXoXo But maybe we’re just two freaks skipping about through life. :D

aww man I forgot my password so here is my new fluther

@PacificToast Its been 1 year since my last anual crying burst.I guess we are just skipping through life. :D