How do we come to get 'crushes' on people?
In my experience it is someone I have met for the first time (i.e. not an old friend), with whom I maybe joked around a bit, became acquaintances with, but never thought anything of it or the person in question.
Then maybe over the course of 2 or 3 months, and more of these jokey exchanges, something clicks and suddenly I see this person in a different light, they are just the same as before but suddenly I look forward to even brief meetings with them and I get crazy thinking over our conversations.
Now I am sure most if not all of you have been through something similar. What I am wondering is, what takes us from ordinary feelings to something more intense?
Why does it take time, if we know nothing more about the person after 3 months of knowing them than we did after 3 hours of knowing them, why not get the crush after 3 hours?
Also, when you realised you liked someone a little more than you ought to, did you act differently? Did you try and make them laugh more, did you pay more attention to them in what they say, do and wear?
I am just curious because if you think about it, crushes and whatnot are truly odd.
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
13 Answers
Crushes are that aha moment when something clicks and you realize that person is someone special. For me it happened many times and often with someone where either she or I were “involved” with someone which again as you say made it “truly odd”. For me having a crush always seems to make the time with that person shall we say…a lot more interesting!
@Cruiser For me having a crush always seems to make the time with that person shall we say…a lot more interesting!
You spelled it out perfectly! That is exactly what it does :)
I have to be really hammered for that to happen ;)
I think it happens when you realize that your feelings, hopes, and/or expectations for someone are strong, and that the actual relationship isn’t there. I.e., when you develop a relationship in your own mind that isn’t the same as the relationship between the two of you. That dis-alignment, and the potential for upset (if for example it turns out the other person doesn’t want the relationship to be like the one you’ve come to want by yourself), I theorize, is what that’s mainly about.
For me, it’s all about the fantasy of it. I could be really attracted to that person, their look, or their brain, so then my mind goes off in the direction of what it would be like to date them. I have OCD, though, and I tend to obsess on things, so then I would continue to play out scenarios in my head. All of this leads to some feeling of attachment to the person even though that really doesn’t exist. In a way, it’s brain entertainment; something to think about, hope for, make you feel good, etc.
I am pretty private, afraid of rejection and being laughed at, and I usually keep my crushes to myself. The whole playing your cards close to your chest thing. I hang on to it and wait for a sign that the person might be interested back, though I do automatically assume they aren’t. I try not to act any differently, lest they think I have a crush on them (how embarrassing). If they seem flirtatious, then I will open up enough to flirt back.
@MissAnthrope you have just described me exactly! Nothing wrong with playing your cards close to your chest :)
I think even if it’s just joking around, after 3 months you will know a person better than after 3 hours. Or at least grow used to talking to them, or seeing them a little bit, and then you find yourself looking forward to seeing them.
Even if you like somebody after 3 hours, or hate them, there is the chance of that changing with more time.
Of course I act differently – when I talk to most guys, I make sure I’m not being too friendly or doing things to give them the wrong impression. I’m a bit older now, so I’m less focused on making a crush laugh or paying them attention, but I think it also helps that I’m in university full time and I’ve got a lot of other demands on my time.
In highschool, I had more time to dwell on little things and make mountains out of molehills. That can get really distressing – I don’t encourage it.
Crushes are pointless to me. Maybe it’s just because I have literally no feelings for people. If I had my way… It would just be me and everyone else would be gone.
As you get to know that person more, and become more aware of who they are, their insights, etc. then depending on what your preferences are, you either like them in certain ways or just stay friends.
It is one of life’s mysteries… need it be explained?
@mollypop51797 very true.
@Adagio I know.. but I cant help wanting to dissect the subject a little! :)
@kekeke I think even if it’s just joking around, after 3 months you will know a person better than after 3 hours. Or at least grow used to talking to them, or seeing them a little bit, and then you find yourself looking forward to seeing them.
That sounds about right. And I guess depending on what the person is like, you are drawn closer to some than others. Hence we don’t go around falling in love with every last person we meet.
Like you said, you get to know them and you start to see the places where you connect.
Answer this question 
Composing members:
0
