How do you personally keep your emotions in check?

Do you know if he’s been diagnosed as bipolar? Diagnosis or not, that reeks of him being bipolar. Maybe if you did some research on it, you could find better ways to communicate with him.

You can’t make sweeping generalized arguments like that without a mountain of evidence; it can be both men and women that may adopt this behavior. I think your description doesn’t connect well with the question, at least not for me.

As far as your question. My method is stepping back and logically examining the information present (emotions are just information in a secondary processing system – but with higher priority process/time-wise). What made me have that emotion, figuring out why – looking at the broader picture as well as the details of the reaction/response. I then think about what is required of me in the time of day/situation, what the current event is teaching me etc.
To simplify, what does this emotion mean? Is the initial reaction and connecting association relevant, or is it not? Is it helpful?

If not, I just switch to something else that is helpful: thought or behavior. Focusing on it, or focusing on not feeling this or what doesn’t work. Though personally I benefit greatly from an analysis before moving on.

Hope this helps.

@phoebusg Sorry for the generalisation, I found this a hard question to word. I’m coming from observations of people and wondered how people cope with themselves based on observations of others.

Thanks for the answer :)

People handle their emotions in different ways. That being said, from my personal experience, men tend to not be as outward with their feelings as women are. As far as your flatmate, what you described does remind me of a bipolar friend of mine. And what you described about your ex reminds me of a family member that has seasonal affective disorder (which basically means he gets depressed when winter comes).

As for me, whenever I feel like I’m being overly emotional, I try to take a step back and think about what I’m feeling and why I’m feeling that way. I also try to think before I speak whenever I’m upset so that I don’t say something I’ll regret.

I think I can understand your flatmates position. I experience emotions very deeply, but I don’t express them to others face-to-face. As a child, I never could learn to express emotions in a way that was acceptable to others; so I taught myself to withdraw from social interactions and not to express emotions in front of others. He may have experienced something similar.

Power of positive thinking. The people you describe are just that…positive thinkers. Think positive happy thoughts and you can affect a happy positive outlook on your life even though under the hood things may be all out of sorts. My mom taught me that and said to always say “I feel great” and you will feel great. I just wish I could remember to say it more often!! ;D

He sounds like a bit of an unwitting stoic, kind of like me. I have a firm grip on my emotions and hardly ever show them because I have to. My sometimes rather unstable friends expect me to be an unshakable rock for them to lean on, and I oblige. I do, on rare occasions much like your flatmate, have mini-breakdowns that I quickly control. This behavior is often socialized in men, but there can also be other reasons behind it. For instance, it could be a mild mental disorder, like some other members here have stated, or it could be that he is in a similar situation to mine and must maintain a stoic nature for reasons you may not understand or be aware of yet.

Either way, it’s probably not a healthy way to deal with things.

I mostly agree with @phoebusg. It may seem almost Vulcan-like, but if you take a controlled and rational approach to everything, you don’t feel as much of a need to express emotion, you just get on with it. That’s not to say that you don’t feel emotions, but you choose which ones you put on display, and to what degree. I’m sure that men are taught to be like this more than women are, and it doesn’t work perfectly for all of them, if your examples are anything to go by.

@iphigeneia yes. I think it’s mostly about understanding the reasons behind emotions, rather than expressing them blindly. Or letting them affect behavior without first knowing why. Not choosing what to display, it is best to look at the pure truth but given that truth is examined.
You can express emotions, while also thoughts pertaining to what you think they’re about. Sometimes it can be a bit harder to figure things out, where another can help in the discovery. Nonetheless, crude unprocessed emotion is way too reflexive. Which is fine if you’re in the forest and battling tigers, but not so much in our modern life.

I agree that men are expected to be more “macho” or similarly – not showing what’s going on.

For me its the observation that most of the time, people’s emotions (including my own initial ones) don’t mesh with the full story. People get pissed off that things and don’t realize why they are like that. So I learned to step back, and see why a situation is like it is. By the time I do that, the emotion fades and I find a way to cope with it. Its my urge to get all the information and the time it takes to do so that keeps me in check.

In my experience, some men have difficulty understanding, expressing or feeling comfortable with most negative emotions, so they will shout and get angry. That anger can be used to express a whole range of other emotions such as upset, humiliation, betrayal, abandonment. I think this is something to do with the ingrained cultural notion that “boys don’t cry”.

It sounds like he’s normally so unflappable that it’s surprising to see any emotion out of him. He’s probably very introspective. I’m that way- I feel emotions just like anyone else, but spend a lot of time thinking about it and dealing with it. Every once in a while, something really surprising comes along and I have an emotional outburst.

I suspect it’s a fairly common trait in men. For myself, I rarely show any negative emotions. However thats basically a facade to conceal the fact that beneath the surface Im all over the shot…. probably stems from all that nonsence we grow up with like, boys dont cry etc.

Basic emotions are hardwired into our unconscious brain. Negative ones are more important for our basic survival needs, especially fear. The desire to avoid pain is very strong. Only when we achieve this can we seek pleasure.

Feelings or complex emotions require rational thought as well. We can learn to kill anger if we really want to. We can also learn to focus on opportunities without underestimating risks.

I don’t think many men tend to wear their emotions on their sleeve. But, part of what helps me keep a handle on my emotions would be introspection and reflection. I’m a big believer in deep breathing and maintaining a close connection with your mind and spirit. As silly as it sounds, having some control or connection with that inner “energy” really goes a long way.

Bad or negative energy can easily be avoided if you learn how your mind works and pay close attention to the things that help calm you down!

I don’t think its a male thing. I believe every person has their certain way of dealing with emotions. Their way may stem from various factors like past experiences, intellect, mood/state of mind etc.I don’t think men are unemotional but that they find it difficult to express their emotions or talk about them.