I’m not sure blame is a particularly helpful or constructive thing to look for, in this, or any situation – at least not in the long term.
Obviously, the loss of a limb is a horrifying and tragic event, particularly for a person who is young and just starting out in life. However, we can’t change things that happen to us or the things that we do, and when we are wronged by others, being able to identify who’s fault it is doesn’t really change things either, not in the long term. To me, blame just fosters unhelpful emotions that tend to be retrospectively focused, like regret, shame, and resentment. Whilst it’s totally natural, in a society that values fairness, to be sensitive to unfairness and injustice and thus look to blame when we feel wronged, I don’t think it is healthy to dwell on it for too long.
Others have (in my view, correctly) identified that the drunk driver is probably the one at most fault here. However, I don’t see how making that identification is particularly constructive, in terms of healing both emotionally and physically from what has happened. Of course, it gives the son and mother licence to feel angry at another person who has wronged them, it potentially gives the chance for them to see the state deal out justice, but what both the mother and son will take with them for the rest of their lives is their relationship with each other, and how the son will live with the disability that he now has.
In this situation, the mother has identified concerns about the relationship with her son that existed prior to this accident, and will continue to exist in the future, unless behaviours are changed. I think what’s important for the mother is that she focuses on achieving the improvements in the relationship with her son that she seems to want, and that she does all she can to support him in through this extremely challenging time.
Don’t get me wrong, I think justice is incredibly important and I think it is terribly hard for those who have experienced injustice and terrible harm to move on without really knowing and feeling that justice has been done. All I’m saying is that in the long term, a focus on pointing the finger of blame can keep people stuck in the past, unable to move on in a positive way.