How do you handle rejection?

I would have to care in some personal way about the one doing the rejecting, and then decide if it was worthwhile to attempt to repair the rupture, or better to let it go.

I take rejection very badly, and I have no idea how to deal with it in a healthy way.

I have a healthy (or unhealthy, depending on your POV) self-hatred, and I expect rejection.
The last thing I expect is happiness and security.

@filmfann I’m very sorry to hear that…when you feel that way, sometimes your thoughts are self-fulfilling.

Like dpworkin, I’d have to care about the one rejecting. It would matter to me if it just came out of the blue…or, I knew ‘something’ was off for a while. I’d rather be rejected than betrayed.

In my line of work we get rejected (depending on how often you work) on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. Because of this, I had to quickly teach myself to not let it affect my self-esteem, confidence and happiness, negatively. If you do, you might as well pack your shit up and go home because you probably won’t survive.
As far as being rejected by a guy, it’s happened a few times and I got over it almost instantly.
I’ve just never taken the time to dwell on those situations for very long. It’s just a mindset that takes time to develop. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel things like sadness, frustration or heartbreak, but I allow that rejection to fuel my ambition/determination to pursue what I want to pursue even further.

I don’t do well with it and I usually hate the person who rejects me and I then hate myself for reaching out to them. It’s vicious and ugly.

Very very poorly. I have no idea how to not take things personally.

I’m with @SeventhSense on this one so I try to stay away from a situation where it could happen.

It seems like it takes some sustained emotional state to counteract it and I probably should flex those muscles more for the sake of growth. Lately I’m thinking I really need to start stepping out of my comfort zone. I’m too comfortable with this shit. I’m just a big baby.

badly.

Badly.

I have never been rejected so I don’t know how it feels:/ Is it really that bad like I see in movies?

I’m used to social rejection, been experiencing it since childhood. It’s not enjoyable, but I’m used to it. I normally avoid it by not seeking acceptance or rejecting anyone who gets too close to my “comfort zone”. Sort of a “reject before being rejected” strategy.

I beat the living hell out of them.
or just not care,move on ,you know? ;)

It’s heartening to know I’m not the only one that doesn’t handle rejection well.

I handle it very badly. I end up wanting to know exactly why I’m rejected and it’s usually not that easy for someone to explain. I try to avoid getting attached or caring about anyone anymore just to avoid this shit.

@chyna – I know exactly what you mean.

As has been mentioned, I have to have feelings invested in the person doing the rejecting. It’s very difficult and my self-confidence, esteem, etc usually take a temporary knock. When I’m in that situation, I think the most helpful thing to do is focus on me, as opposed to the person doing the rejecting or their reasons for doing so. It is something that’s going on in their life, not mine. It’s painful, but the more esteem you or I have, the easier it becomes to accept that these things are usually out of our hands.

What @dpworkin said.

Something that has helped me a great deal with this, and other challenges, is a book…
“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruez

He was a surgeon who returned to his Toltec family heritage and became a Nagal (Shaman). He has dedicated his life to sharing the wisdom of the Toltec.

The second of the four agreements , which he says are a distillation of this ancient Toltec wisdom, states:
“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing anyone does is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be a victim of needless suffering.”

Whenever I’m feeling especially vulnerable, I dig out this book. Reminding myself of this agreement, as well as the three others, gets my head back on straight.

That book is a nice distillation of the human condition.

@eden2eve I’m going to look this book up. It sounds very interesting. Thank you

@Facade, I’m the exact same way.

I am not very good at it either. Unfortunately, that is easily manipulated. I am getting better, but every once in awhile I let it eat my brain from the inside out. I hate it.

@eden2eve – Thanks for the book recommendation. It looks right up my alley.

Depends on what kind of rejection, but I’ll answer the question in a broad sense.

Usually, not so bad. I understand that I’m not perfect (Goodluck to anyone searching for someone that is) and in the event that I dont hold up to whatever standards I’m being criticized by, what is there to be so upset about? Doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with me or the standards themselves – it means I simply just didn’t meet the criteria. Doesn’t mean I wont meet any other criteria or I wont work out better somewhere else.

You could only sulk about things you cannot change for so long, then it’s time to pick yourself up and try again somewhere else.

I generally feel like an outsider to begin with. Even after being involved with a group I don’t ever feel enough a “part” of it for rejection to matter to me. I’m a loner.

I hate it.

@Trillian
I feel that way too and sometimes it’s just odd. I know I’m accepted but still the nagging doubt persists. I think it may be a really deep seated defense mechanism. There’s always this part of me that feels like a rogue element within any organization, group or relationship I participate in. It’s this basic and really generalized fuckedupedness. But at the same time this very attribute allows me to pull back easily and allows me freedom. Maybe that’s the part I have such a hard time relinquishing. The power of choice and the freedom of thought and movement.

@SeventhSense
These sound like attributes of atonomy
i.e: self rule, freedom, independence, free will. (synonyms from MS Word ‘s Thesarus)

So maybe not fuckedupedness, but essential qualities in a free thinking and self sufficient person.

@eden2eve
Yes I suppose but to experience a general sense that you are never really part of any culture is unsettling at times. In some other ways I feel fine about it though. One example is honesty. I am constantly amazed at how most people will lie to your face or make a commitment, promise etc. with no intent to follow through. I take personal pride that my word is bond even if I find out later it’s at great personal cost. In that regard I am glad to stand apart from the crowd.

In a word, badly, but I knew someone who asked girls out on a more or less random basis and reckoned he succeeded with one in ten. I suppose once you work it out as a mathematical probability it isn’t so bad but I don’t think I will ever manage that.