When is it acceptable to tell one's kids to get out of the car and walk?

If you are close to home, and know it is relatively safe – then ok – out in the country or unfamiliar area – no. I would follow them in the car.

I don’t use that particular method, but they know that if I have to stop the car, everybody is going to end up very unhappy.

I’d like to know how the always kindly @YARNLADY would do to make everybody “very unhappy”... I need that technique too. Whatever it is.

Three miles from home, ages 10 and 12…no, not acceptable. I’m having a hard time thinking of when something like this would be acceptable, unless the children are a lot older. If they were a block from home in a safe area and know how to get home from there, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad. For me, I’d have to know from previous experience that my kids were capable of getting home on their own from wherever they were.

When I read something like this, I always think of what I would do in that situation. If I was truly losing my mind, I’d pull over, park, and step out of the car to take a deep breath. Then, I’d deal with the kids when I felt calm enough. When we got home, they would suffer the consequences. I’ve had three kids bothering each other in the car before, and usually all it takes if for me to pull over and have a talk with them. They know once we get home they will lose privileges and be sent to their rooms. They are ages 11 to 5, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a problem with them in the car. They’ve learned better. :)

On the other hand, when I was 10 years old, I was allowed to walk several blocks to the local shopping center to buy candy or records. I walked to school, walked to the pool, and rode my bike wherever I wanted. If my mom had tossed me out of the car, odds are I could have found my way home. A kid who isn’t able to roam around might have more trouble and would naturally panic.

you know, it’s really the one telling them to get out, that wants out….but then who would drive the car??

@susanc My methods work best when started at a very early age. I start with mis-direction and distraction, and use confinement liberally. With the smallest child, confinement only need last a few seconds, just to get the point across, and as they get older, probably a minute per year of age.

I accompany any discussion of their misbehavior (such as saying NO) with a very sad face. They don’t like my sad face. However, by the age of three or four, I begin withholding something they want, and that is usually sufficient.

Don’t ever order them out of the car. Take them home and duct tape them to chairs. Then go out and enjoy yourself…:)

I never tell my son to get out of the car. I get out of the car. If he is throwing a tantrum, I tell him “Fine, I’m leaving.” And I get out. He throws his fit, I get in and ask him if he’s done, and he’ll start talking normal again and we can go on our way.
I can’t stand the screaming tantrums, it totally distracts me while driving and it would be dangerous to others for me to keep driving.

@casheroo I like that method.

Because I can think of acceptable alternatives I would say this is not acceptable. There are too many safety issues involved.

This is not acceptable for a parent to do. Pull to the side of the road, and let them squabble it out without saying a word. Eventually they figure out the car isn’t moving, stop fighting, and as you why the car isn’t moving because they’re going to be late for ballet/tennis/school/friends house. Once they reach that point, turn the car towards home, send them to their room, and fix yourself a nice drink.

@PandoraBoxx

GA!

No, I wouldn’t put my kids out of the car. I stopped the car a few times and then continued home in perfect silence. Sometimes you just need to scare the little angels.

It depends on the details. How far away did she drive off? How old were they? What were the surroundings like? What time of day was it? Was there a deal that the mother and kids came to an agreement about? “If you find us doing X, Y Z, we forfeit the drive home?”, and on and on.

In these times I wouldn’t say that to my own or anyone else’s kids even though it sooo tempting sometimes. When I was a kid in the 70’s and 80’s then it was normal for kids to walk to and from school, alone even. When a niece of mine wanted to walk the same streets to the same school area I’d gone to then my husband and I said no because we worried about drunk or innattentive drivers and perverts. She was a very stubborn teen but now that she has kids of her own I wonder if she feels the same.