Regarding close friendships, how do you react / respond to change?

I’ve never had a problem with frequency of contact with friends, be them close or not. Life can be complicated and busy. If I want to know how someone is doing I contact them. If I want to see them I contact them and make arrangements.

I know that not everyone is like me and I am pretty up front with all my friends that the frequency of phone call ect. is not a problem with me.

I have some friend that I don’t see or hear from for months and then we meet and we have a lot to catch up on. That is nice.

I’ve had a few long-distance friends eventually stop keeping in touch. I know they are busy with their lives in another city and I in mine. I suppose if they had wanted to keep in touch they would have. Likewise with a friend who moved half way around the world—she makes a point of keeping in touch every so often.

I guess some friends just value the relationship more than others, and you have to take it with a grain of salt. It can feel a little hurtful, but after many years people change or have new priorities or worries, and sometimes you just can’t take it personally. It’s life I guess.

I have a tendency to get attached to people. I can barely go for 24 hours without contact from Rachel or Ellie.

Even if a friend has wronged me, I still feel loyal to them deep down. A lot of former friends hate me, but I would still give my life for them. Ellie & Rachel come before them, though.

Though it would be hopeless to salvage a friendship with these individuals, I still find myself thinking “what if we were still friends?”.

I have had a friend for over 15 years who dropped me between one day and the next this year with no explanation. It was very hurtful. With other friends with whom I am secure, the normal ebb and flow of communication doesn’t bother me.

I’ve experienced this when my 7 friends from middle school split up amongst 6 high schools. I was lucky for having one buddy from the 7 with me. I dealt with the stress of it pretty horribly. We organize get-togethers specifically so we can keep our friendships strong through face to face contact rather than just our website. I do wish I could see them more often though. When I miss them, I sing “My Favorite Things” or “Pure Imagination”. It cheers me up.

Depends on the change. When my friends and I went to college, we barely kept in contact while we were at school. We’d update each other every now and then, but mostly, we wait until we get home for breaks to reunite. The time apart doesn’t diminish our closeness. When my best friend got a boyfriend, that took a lot of adjusting, because she wanted to spend all her time with him. I got closer to my cousin during this time. I gave my friend space and just built my other friendships.

My closest friendships have changed dramatically over the past five years; basically since we graduated from University. When I was a student we lived together, six girls and various significant others! Inevitably we have all ended up in very different places doing very different things. I am the only one out of my friends so far to have got married and had a child, so this has changed our interactions somewhat. One close friend has very recently split up from her long term boyfriend (who is also a good friend) and started a relationship with a woman. A couple of them have settled in the city where we studied as undergraduates, where as a few of us have moved very far away indeed.

All of us have had some degree of difficulty in dealing with these changes. For my part, I had accepted long ago that things couldn’t possibly stay the same between us. It is a sad but inevitable part of life that friendships unravel and feelings change as the situations do. Those friendships will always matter, as they have helped shape who I am, but nothing ever lasts forever. I have learned to take a strange comfort in the fact that change always comes.

@jeanmay

Yes, learning to live with uncertainty is part of our mental/emotional evolution.

I don’t jump to conclusions with my long-time friends, and they always get the benefit of the doubt. If things have changed significantly I ask about it rather that living in uncertainty. Friends do seem to drift off sometimes, over the years, or make changes they aren’t comfortable in sharing. It can be painful, but I always try to be direct and honest with my friends.

I realize that we all have immediate family which should always be first priority. I want my friends to know that I’m here for them…and, it has nothing to do with frequency. My close friendships are beyond that sort of thing.