What are modern-day definitions of ladies and gentlemen?

In my opinion, those terms don’t refer to a look, but instead a set of mannerisms and class. You can look how you want, but if you can look people in the eyes during converstation, not talk with food in your mouth etc. that makes a lady or gentleman.

It’s probably best just to ignore rude and ignorant people like that. But if you feel you must reply, then your last response is probably the best. I think short hair on a woman is attractive and sensible, and tattoos are sexy!

I wouldn’t mind doing away with these terms all together. I don’t think they apply to many in our society and are almost always used in a way to say ‘oh but I’m a lady and she’s a whore’ or ‘I’m a lady therefore I have manners’, ‘he’s an actual gentleman, he opens doors and makes me feel protected..like the lady that I am’ etc – dumb statements that have nothing objective or useful in them and are limiting to many people. And I hate those ‘so you don’t want to be a woman, that must mean you want to be a man’ statements – people are incapable sometimes of getting out of binaries. I want to be and look like me, this person that I am and it is you who puts the term on me and views me in your comfort zone around gender – yet I don’t exist there. As always, if you want to call yourself a lady or a gentleman, fine…but don’t walk around saying ‘oh sigh, where are the good old days when women knew their place? there are so few real ladies around, blah blah blah’.

A lady is a female gentleman, and vice versa.

I believe that the terms have nothing to do with social standing, good taste, or the rules of etiquette. A lady/gentleman is someone who:

Treats other people with respect and dignity
Behaves honestly and honorably
Is true to his/her word
Doesn’t abuse power in any form
Doesn’t condescend or flaunt intellectual, educational, or financial dominance
Has a sense of humility and humor
Is never deliberately rude, hurtful, or insulting
Tries to forgive, even if he/she can’t forget
Helps if possible but, at a very minimum, causes no harm
Makes people feel comfortable, not embarrassed or uneasy

It’s conduct that makes a lady. You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.

I like the distinction of “lady” and “gentleman”. A gentleman removes his hat inside a building and stands when a woman enters the room. A lady refrains from vulgarity. It’s more about manners to me than a certain class or feminine or masculine. You can be a woman without being a lady. you can be a man without being a gentleman.
I certainly don’t go looking around saying “She’s no lady!” or “He is certainly not a gentleman.” Rather, that quality calls itself to my attention when I see it displayed. I’ve always thought that Kathryn Hepburn was a great lady. When I think of a gentleman, I think of a couple guys that I know or someone like Sir Anthony Hopkins. They are few and far between, certainly, because we as a society seem to have less value for those qualities. I don’t seem to have enough polish myself to pull it off, but I can admire it when I see it.

Think about the following words: crass, indelicate, vulgar, boorish, insensitive, uncouth, witless, selfish, cruel.

Then, picture someone who can’t be described by any of those words; I believe you’ll have found a lady or a gentleman.

The lady in my name just stands for “that lady who needs yarn”, but I just use the word ‘considerate’ when I am speaking of someone else. I don’t really use the words ‘lady’ or ‘gentleman’.

The definitions are probably very close to the same, except that they’re probably less stuck up or prudish now than before, but I see that as a good thing. The flip side of that equation is that I have seen ladies and gentlemen who were boorish, selfish and vulgar at times, so those labels can be rather subjective. With friends I am allowed to be myself without worrying about some uptight asshole judging my performance. When I’m in public or dealing with someone I’m not familiar with, I will alter my behavior as the situation requires.

The key word in your text, for me, was “stereotypical”. I don’t know anyone who longs for attaining that description. If someone says that to you, you don’t need to respond. A lady wouldn’t think of it. Neither would a gentleman. The rude party would be beneath the lady or gentleman’s dignity.

The terms lady and gentlemen are defined to some degree by the era. Regardless of the proper definition, I identify both terms with goodness, honesty, polite manners, absolute compassion and sensitivity.

You sound like a nice lady!

Those people who feel free to walk up to a total stranger and confront them about how they look physically are rude in the extreme and are neither a lady or gentleman themselves so you can feel perfectly free to totally ignore them if you choose.

But I do like your answer about looking like yourself. It was perfect.

If you are conducting yourself with dignity and respect for others it should make no difference which gender (or no gender) your physical appearance resembles.

BTW. just a little side observation on “stereotypical”.

The very word “gentleman” springs from a much better source than our current culture of admiration for machismo.

To many, the notion of a man who acts in a gentle manner is anathema when “that’s so gay” is one of the most common taunts to be hurled at any male perceived to be gentle (ie: weak, in their eyes)

I really like the PSAs done by Wanda Sykes which poke fun at that over-used taunt. I cheer a little every time one of them airs.

The current definitions are the same as they’ve always been ( with less emphasis on dress and manners ):

treat all people, regardless of station in life, as worthy of respect and kindness.

C. S. Lewis (I think) once wrote something to the effect that “Lady” and “Gentleman” referred to aristocrats, and that applying them to any other group was technically a misuse of the terms.

Running with that, I’d say that the terms would apply to our modern social and political elite. Especially in places with a functioning aristocracy.

The sooner we get rid of gender roles and gender stereotypes the better. I can’t even wear a lousy pair of tights with out being harassed by some fucking weirdo because I am a man. Fuck those people just fuck them the sooner they drop dead the better.

Personally, I think the terms “gentlemen” and “ladies” are used too blindly these days. For me, a real gentleman is a man who lives by a code of honor, treats his fellow man with kindness and respect, is honest, upstanding, and hardworking. He is faithful to the woman he loves, and treats women with respect and consideration. He is mannerful in public, mature, and takes care of his appearance through proper grooming and dress. A real lady is a woman who also lives by a code of honor. She treats others with kindness and respect, is honest and considerate, and is faithful to the man she loves. She appreciates the fact that a real gentleman respects and treats her well, and in kind treats gentlemen with respect too. A real lady is mannerful and graceful and refrains from vulgarity. A real gentleman is mannerful and committed and also refrains from vulgarity. No one expects a man or a woman to be confined by such definitions of “gentlemen” or “ladies”, but to “strive” for such ideals is always a good thing in a civil, productive, compassionate society. I sometimes look back to the 1950s and early 1960s for inspiration——“gentlemen” and “ladies” were commonplace then. Sure, life was far from perfect in those days, and dysfunctionality existed too, but at least people STRIVED to be gentlemen and ladies back then. These days, if a man tries to be a gentleman and opens a door for a woman, that is considered a “sexist” thing. And if he doesn’t, he is frowned upon for not showing respect to women. Unfortunately, men and women, but especially men, are given mixed messages on what is proper behavior for a man in public. That is why you see a lot of men today acting like kids——they’ve grown up without the proper role models to be real gentlemen. And women not acting like ladies, because they are fed up with men who act like kids and who treat them disrespectfully. Sigh! :(

@shf84 A lot of people like gender roles and their attendant expectations. Who are you to impose your will on them?
And wishing for someone to drop dead isn’t terribly polite. Even the people who criticize you for wearing tights don’t want you to die.

@CaptainHarley Assumptions and they aren’t funny!
@shf84 No need to wish death on people!

Wow, why are people so angry about this? @shf84 why would you think that wearing tights has anything remotely to do with being a gentleman or not? Have you not seen Colin Firth? There’s a guy who can pull off wearing hose, being at the same time a gentleman and leave no one in doubt of his masculinity.
Or are you wearing tights for a different reason? Maybe I’m not understanding what you’re saying…Ok, I just went and read your profile. If you wear tights just to make a statement and “shock” people into your mind set I’d say that you are being counter productive in your approach. The ways to promote tolerance do not include militant in-your-face “This is how I am so deal with it!”
I don’t know the climate where you live, but I can guess that it is not as relaxed as, say, San Francisco. You plainly have some anger and frustration and I don’t say you’re not entitled to them. I only say that you seem to come across as angry and defiant. I’m left with wondering; do you really want to change people’s minds and promote tolerance and understanding, or do you just want to ram your views down people’s throats in some sort of retaliation? In which case, how are you any different than the “Christians” or other groups who have intolerance for gays?

Removed by Gloria Steinem

@HungryGuy HAHAHAH!

And THAT, friends and neighbors, is how to illustrate what is NOT proper behavior for gentlemen and ladies! : D

@Primobabe I support your definition of the kinds of behaviour that distinguish people worthy to be called ladies or gentlemen from those who do not deserve such a moniker.

There is nothing perjoritive about these terms as so defined.

Being a Lady does not imply weakness, subservience, or a lack of any other positive attributes.
Being a gentleman does not imply anything about sexual orientation, competence or power.

I admire people who conduct themselves with dignity and treat others with respect.

I don’t believe the definitions have changed much. What has changed or should have changed, is the baggage we assume is attached to these terms.

@CaptainHarley – Unfortunately, due to the Fluther censorship, we can’t see the illustration of NOT proper behavior of gentlemen and ladies. And that’s one of the problems with censorship.

@HungryGuy I don’t need to see the actual words to get the picture.

A gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out.—George Bernard Shaw

My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent.—Ruth Bader Ginsburg

@Nullo Here, here. I couldn’t agree with you more. There are a lot of people, including myself, who like gender roles and the expectations that accompany them. A woman can still be strong and independent and still be a proper lady, with class and femininity, and a man can stilll be expressive and strong and still be a proper gentleman, with class and masculinity.