Social Question

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

Anyone from or have lived in, Germany? I have an exchange student here & I'd like to tell him a joke in German that he will find funny.

Asked by rpm_pseud0name (8208points) May 31st, 2010

He is only visiting for a few days (host family is our extended family who are visiting us & leaving soon) & I have noticed that the jokes & humor that we enjoy, doesn’t really translate well. So if anyone out there is from Germany & knows a funny 1 or 2 liner joke in German, that would be considered funny in Germany, I would love to know it. He is about 17 years old. Doesn’t need to be a dirty joke, just a joke that he would laugh at, even if it’s a dumb joke, just something he would enjoy. I would really like to make him laugh & feel a little at home. Thank you so much for anyone who can help. Again, I only have a couple days, so time is of the essence. :)

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9 Answers

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

Addition—I asked what his favorite movies are, he told me 3 of them.. they are…

1. Der Schuh des Manitu
2. Der Wixxer
3. Neues Vom Wixxer

Hope that helps give you an idea of what he likes. He said they are comedy. I plan to watch them later, so I don’t know what they are like.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

Since that isn’t German & the humor comes from poking fun at the line itself, it doesn’t help too much. I was hoping for a quick joke that maybe he would hear from his friends at school.

Ltryptophan's avatar

lol, its a start…

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

:) Thanks for trying though.

whitenoise's avatar

Sorry to have to inform you that there after thorough investigation, I have to tell you that funny German jokes do not exist. ;-)

He might like this clip though. I bet you will.

this one, I like:

Treffen sich ein Engländer, ein Franzose und ein Bayer. Meint der Engländer:
“Unsere Sprache ist so schwer. Wir sagen ‘Empeier’ und schreiben ‘Empire’.”

Daraufhin der Franzose:
“Unsere Sprache ist noch viel schwerer! Wir sagen ‘bonschur’ und schreiben ‘bonjour’!”

“Ach”, meint der Bayer, “das ist doch gar nichts. Wir sagen ‘Woshastgsagt? ’ und schreiben: ‘Was meint der gnädige Herr?’”

otherwise: You may pick up a daily German joke here

whitenoise's avatar

looked a bit further;

Here are some shorter jokes.

http://www.witzdestages.net/witze/kurze-witze/

You might want to go for #33. Short and easy:
it is brown and dives: a U-brot (brot = bread)

mattbrowne's avatar

Es war einmal ein Schäfer, der in einer einsamen Gegend seine Schafe hütete. Plötzlich tauchte in einer großen Staubwolke ein nagelneuer grauer BMW auf und hielt direkt neben ihm. Der Fahrer des BMWs, ein junger Mann in Brioni Anzug, Cerutti Schuhen, Ray Ban Sonnenbrille und einer YSL Krawatte steigt aus und fragt ihn: “Wenn ich errate, wie viele Schafe Sie haben, bekomme ich dann eins?” Der Schäfer schaut den jungen Mann an, dann seine friedlich grasenden Schafe (es ist eine große Herde), und sagt ruhig “In Ordnung”.

Der junge Mann parkt den BMW, verbindet sein Notebook mit dem Handy, geht im Internet auf eine NASA-Seite, scannt die Gegend mit Hilfe seines GPS-Satellitennavigationssystems, öffnet eine Datenbank und 60 Excel Tabellen mit einer Unmenge Formeln. Schließlich druckt er einen 150seitigen Bericht auf seinem Hi-Tech-Minidrucker, dreht sich zu dem Schäfer um und sagt: “Sie haben hier exakt 1586 Schafe.”

Der Schäfer sagt “Das ist richtig, suchen Sie sich ein Schaf aus.” Der junge Mann nimmt ein Schaf und lädt es in den BMW ein. Der Schäfer schaut ihm zu und sagt: “Wenn ich Ihren Beruf errate, geben Sie mir das Schaf dann zurück?” Der junge Mann antwortet: “Klar, warum nicht.” Der Schäfer sagt: “Sie sind Consultant einer Unternehmensberatung.”

“Das ist richtig, woher wissen Sie das?” will der junge Mann wissen.

“Sehr einfach,” sagt der Schäfer, “erstens kommen sie hierher, obwohl Sie niemand gerufen hat. Zweitens wollen Sie ein Schaf als Bezahlung haben dafür, dass Sie mir etwas sagen, was ich ohnehin schon weiß, und drittens haben Sie keine Ahnung von dem, was ich tue. Und jetzt geben Sie mir meinen Hund zurück!”

mattbrowne's avatar

Here’s the English version:

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, “Sure. Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1586 sheep.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.” says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the shepherd says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a consultant.” says the shepherd.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the shepherd. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don’t know crap about my business….

” ... Now give me back my dog.”

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