Would it bother you if your s.o was saving voicemails from their ex?

How “ex” is this ex? What are the voice mails about? Are there any other hints that make you feel like your s.o. isn’t over his ex?

To answer the question, no. My hubby’s ex is a good friend of his and I’m not in the least bit jealous of their friendship.

To answer your details, it’s hard to say without knowing what the content of the voicemail was. He could very easily have been uncomfortable because he feared you were the insanely jealous type that would freak out over a voicemail that said “I saw my grandmother yesterday, and she asked how you were doing. Thought you’d like to know. See you around!”

Yes I think it would bother me. Did you ask your SO why they wanted to keep the voicemails? Were they intimate messages?

Would it bother me? Yes. I wouldn’t be happy about it at all. Not that I wouldn’t understand – I would.

Would I command them to delete them? No, would be their concern/problem to deal with on their own.

My girlfriend, some weeks ago, was going through some boxes of postcards, photos, notes and the like that i just keep for old time’s sake.
In it was also stuff that my former girlfriend wrote and send to me, obviously some of it of the romantic and/or sweet kind.
I had no problem that she read them, i had no problem that she found them, she had no problem that i kept them, and she had no problem with the contents.
No problem.
I guess it is all a matter of trust (-ing each other).

Edit: I forgot to answer your question.
No, it wouldn’t bother me if the voicemails are dating from before us..
If they were recent (and of romantic kind) then it would bother me, of course.

Yes, it would bother me.

Why is he even getting calls from the ex? Why would he be saving those messages? Why not ask him flat out?

To clarify, I am male and this is a question about my girlfriend.

@tedibear They were together for 5 years, we’ve been together for 3. One of the voicemails was from last Christmas just saying: happy holidays, the second was from 3 months ago saying he was gonna be in town and wanted to know if she wanted to go out to dinner. She asked me if it was ok, I was fine with it, I told her it was ok to go out to dinner with him. No, no other hints.

@partyparty, no I did not ask, and I’m debating whether or not to bring it back up. It would no doubt cause a fight, so a sub-question to this is: is it worth causing a fight over?

Commanding her to delete them would go nowhere, you can’t change a person. If she wants to keep them, that’s what she wants to do, I can’t change that. It just caught me completely off guard, there’s never been an issue with infidelity. My only guess is that she likes hearing the sound of his voice, and that bothers me.

Why the HELL didn’t she invite you to go to dinner with them?

This girl would be so gone.

And yes, you can change a person… Yourself! This BS will continue as long as you allow it to. Get rid of her before she has dinner with me… with your permission of course.

I’ve had my fill of scandalous people, both men and women alike. Too many good folk out there to waste time with insecure SO’s that need to keep the ex’s voice mail around just to feed the fragile ego. Get rid of IT.

No it wouldn’t bother me.

“My only guess is that she likes hearing the sound of his voice, and that bothers me.”

I can see where you would be bothered by this a little but I don’t think you should feel threatened. Her past is there whether there are physical reminders laying around or not. Doesn’t have to have anything at all to do with your relationship.

Normally I’d agree with @Silhouette who seems to have a pretty good handle on being laid back and all. But at this point I have to say that it isn’t so much the vm’s themselves, btu what they tell me about what’s going on in her head. And the first disagreement with @Silhouette is the word “past”. Here is where it seems to fall apart. I read significance into the fact that she’s kept them for so long. It almost reminds me if a trophy that the serial killer keeps. It helps him to relive the experience for a while until it loses its savor and he needs to go out and kill again.
It just seems a little hinky to me. Physical reminders like this should have been tossed out long ago. The fact that she’s going out of her way to keep them is nothing to do with your relationship, that’s true, but the fact that she’s nurturing this detracts from your relationship for the wrong reasons. I’d give her the boot and spend time on someone who wasn’t trying to save echoes from the past with someone else but wanted to focus on a future with me.

@Trillian
How about my ‘trophies’ then?
Are they considered that too?
Do you think that once a (romantic) relationship is over one should throw away all reminders of that, now ex SO?
Just asking what your opinion is on that.

@rebbel Not at all. Written postcards, love letters, movie or concert stubs, are slightly different. They are in the same category for me as my original letter from 1982 from MTV signed by all the VJ’s. They are just that, memorabilia, and trophies.
These vm’s are post break up and seem to have a very different flavor. I thought I made that clear in my post. I don’t know how else to articulate it. If an ex somehow found out my number and called me to go to dinner, or say Merry Christmas, why would I save the vm? We’re broken up. Even though I have no current SO in my life, I still have no earthly reason to save a for chrissakes vm from an ex, unless…...
You see? Would I play it over and over again? Or just once a week when I was going through and deleting messages? Either way, I’m sitting around listening to his voice, and to what purpose? To keep or revive something that died a long time ago? To have the thrill of hearing him say my name? I just can’t come up with a legitimate, benign reason to save a vm from him.
Trophies, pictures, pre-break up stuff is a different matter. They go in a box or scrapbook or something, and get looked at when you clean out the closet or are sharing things with someone. “Oh, this is from when we went to….” or whatever. Unless you’re keeping nude pictures of her on the fridge, or her letters stuck to a cork board. That would indicate to me that you weren’t finished with that aspect of your life. Keep your trophies sugar.

@Trillian
Ah, now i see where i misread it.
It’s the post and pre break up section.
You made a good point, thanks for clarification!

Anytime rebbs! You know we’re sharing wedding entertainment expenses at some point whenever Mr Bowie has a free afternoon!

I agree with @Trillian. That she’s kept them is a bad sign. You should talk to her about it and try to find out why. You have a right to be concerned. It wouldn’t have to be a heavy conversation but how she handles the inquiry would give you another piece of information. I also agree with @RealEyesRealizeRealLies. She should have invited you to go out to dinner with them. It would be up to you whether you went or not.

It sounds like she is still carrying a torch for him and, perhaps, he does for her hence the phone calls and the dinner.

That’s just weird. The content of the voicemails aren’t anything significant, no need to keep them (Heck, I delete any voicemail unless it leaves important information..but even then, I can write it down.)
I’d confront and ask why they feel the need to keep them.

Yes it would bother me if my partner felt the need to save anything from his ex, they haven’t any sort of ties worthy of saving or building on.

Why didn’t your SO invite you along for the meal? She really should have included you.
Is her ex aware she has moved on and is now in a relationship with you?