What should I do to feel like I'm a part of his new life?
I’m sure some of you know my history with my bf but just is case you don’t I’ll explain. I’ve been with him for almost 5 years but almost 2 years long distance. Since he’s moved he had no friends so I basically took up a lot of his time on the phone.
Since he joined the army he made a friend. Through her, he made so many friends and they all have their own little circle now and spends a lot of time with them. I don’t know any of them. I met his army friend once when I visited last month.
I feel like he has a new life, new friends, new EVERYTHING and I’m the only OLD thing. I’m just used to knowing everyone and everything in his life and understanding it. I’m so far and I can’t be a part of his new life. I’m introduced to his new life (friends) but I’m not a part of their circle at all.
I just feel left out since he has a life that sounds exciting and changing. I’m just the old gf from his old life…He tells me about his day and includes me in on it. I feel like if I moved I could be a part of his new life but I can’t right now.
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If this is the way it has to be for the foreseeable future, then that’s the way it has to be. Either you accept it and have a life of your own to talk about with him…or, mire yourself in a depressed mindset. You need to create a life that he will want to be apart of…distance or not.
The one thing about being in the military is that about every 3 years or so he will move. So you will be the only thing that remains constant in his life. Let him enjoy this time. Its not guaranteed to last and most of the friendships will fall the the way side when he gets reassigned to his new duty station. Just write a lot and visit as often as you can. It sounds like he very much wants to keep you involved in his life so don’t worry so much. If your are both meant to be than a little time and distance can only help you strengthen your bond.
He is living away and he has found new friends, BUT he is still wanting to include you, albeit from a distance, in his life. He obviously still wants you around, so all you can do is accept this is how it is.
Do you have friends locally who you could socialise with? Perhaps this would help you until you are in a position to move to where your SO is now living.
“I feel like if I moved I could be a part of his new life but I can’t right now.” Try.
@Pandora Well you say he moves every 3 years but he doesn’t. He’s Army Reserve so he stays where he lives and the only time he’ll be away is when he’ll be deploying. You’re right about the friendships not guaranteed to last though…I’ve known him for several years and all his friendships faded away and he keeps in touch with very few.
@Perspicacious I’m still in school finishing so I can get a good job. Hehe
You need to focus more on your current life than you boyfriend’s current life. You need to be out doing things and being with people. Then you will understand his doing that and not feel so left out. You can’t put your life on hold while he is away in the military.
@chelle21689 Are you a senior? If not, you can transfer to somewhere close to him. If you know that with him is where you should be, do it.
In the same way you get to “know” us jellies then make a point to mingle online (if possible) with his friends out there. Are you all on facebook together? Let me tell you it can work. My ex husband is my best friend and is friends with some people I’ve only ever met online, we all just mix it up and find some commonality and share a lot of good feeling. You can do the same by slowly mixing with his “new crowd”. Do that and a maybe on your next visit out all will feel very different to you.
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