Anybody got any good vagina jokes?

A guy was busily engaged in the sexual act with a woman of somewhat “loose’ proportions when he actually fell right in! Disoriented, he sat up and looked around, and a bit off in the distance he was surprised to see another man looking lost. He sent over to him, disbelief all over his face. The other guy says “Wow, you too huh?” The first guy agrees and says,
“Why are you still here?” The other says how he can’t seem to find his way out. The new guy says, “Damn, I had a flashlight in my pants pocket, that would help us see our way out.” The other guy says; “Hell, if I could find my keys, we could drive out!”
Yeah, I know. Sorry.

It’s just one fucking thing after another with you isn’t it?

::shakes head::

I don’t know if it qualifies as a joke, but this video certainly made me laugh.

Beer or Vagina:
Which is better, beer or vagina?

————————————————————————————————————————

1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.
One point to BEER

2.Warm beer tastes awful.
One point to VAGINA

3.A really cold beer is satisfying.
One point to BEER

4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit.
One point to VAGINA

5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There’s definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances. I’ll just call it a DRAW for the time being.

6. Ten beers in one night and you can’t drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don’t want to drive anywhere.
One point to VAGINA

7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may suffer. If you eat any vagina in public, you become a legend.
One point to VAGINA

8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer. One point to VAGINA

9. You normally don’t find old beer.
One point to BEER

10. Too much beer and you’ll think you see flying saucers. Too much vagina and you’ll think you’ve seen God.
One point to VAGINA

11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is fun.
One point to VAGINA

12. In most countries there’s a tax on beer.
One point to VAGINA

13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off.
One point to BEER

14. You can always be sure if you’re the first one to open a bottle or a can. One point to BEER

15. If you shake beer it’ll get all agitated but eventually it settles down.
One point to BEER

16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark, pilsner, ale, lager, etc… with vagina you also have a choice, white, black, asian, hispanic, and eskimo…
Call it a DRAW

17. You always know how much beer is going to cost
One point to BEER

18. Beer doesn’t have a mother
One point to BEER

19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you
drink it
One point to BEER

FINAL SCORE: BEER: 10 VAGINA: 9
That’s it! The matter is settled, the unfortunate yet tasty winner is: BEER

PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or discriminated against, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them.

An extra point for BEER

Why is the internet like a vagina?

The more people use it, the bigger it gets.

@Vunessuh Fancy meeting you here. lol

@Silhouette Are you following me and my vagina?

@Vunessuh To the ends of the earth, I like your vagina that much.

@Silhouette Well, if you look at my vagina horizontally, she’s smiling at you.

Anyone else suddenly hungry?

@Adirondackwannabe Nom nom nom. @Vunessuh <wink>

Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: ” RETURNED UNOPENED ”