Social Question
My brother refuses to help out the family , what can I do?
I am sorry for the long winded background, but there are so many details, i just want to paint a full picture..i really need some objective opinons. Thank you in advance.
My family has been in big financial mess for quite a while although I have contributed to part of the problem, i believe my older brother is the main culprit and his behavior is very frustrating and infuriating for both my mom and I. I live with my mom and my older brother since my father left a few years ago. Both my brother and I are of adult ages, he is 35 and I am in my late twenties and my mom speaks very little English. We have been in Canada for over more than 10 years now.
For various reasons, I have never had much luck with finding a job, partly due to my own lack of motivation discipline, as well as my mental health issues, not to mention that I am a pre op transsexual who has began to undergo gender transition in my early twenties. I have a bachelor degree in psychology. I graduated three years ago and I have been working at a part time job at the same call centre I‘ve been working for a year and a half now, I give all my money to my mom. My mom is working at a below minimum wage job almost 6 to 7 days a week and we both do not make enough to pay off the monthly bills and interest accumulated from previous credit card debts. I have began to use my own credit cards to pay off the overdue bills, on top of the student loans I have inherited. I am still looking for full time work everyday without success. My brother went to college and graduated many years ago.
To make matter worse, my brother is working at a full time job but he contributed very little to nothing, for example, he gave 100 dollar this last month even though he makes close to 2000 a month. My mom had to tell my brother to pay his fair share constantly but he does not listen. He has never contributed substantially or even consistently even though he has been working full time.
It enraged me that he decided to quit his full time job during the heat of the recession in order to start a failing business ventures with other business partners, the business lasted for a month, and it took him a while to find a full time job again. He has always wanted to be his own boss, and he has kept a failing business for years even though it wasn’t making money and he has piled up on his share of credit card debts and student loans debt.
He created another financial burden for the family when he bought a dog for his girlfriend. They broke up. Now the dog becomes the responsibility for my mom and I and we treat the dog as our own and we love him to death. But raising a dog takes a lot of money and my brother doesn’t even care or pay attention to the dog, we can’t imagine giving him away, or not caring for him.
The simple solution seems to be for my mother to give my older brother an ultimatum about paying for his share to the household. We have talked with him about his irresponsible ways but he gets very angry whenever we asked him to help out the family, he always talk about how my mom and I need to find better jobs or that I should have never tried to be a transsexual and that it was the fault of my father for leaving or that he has other debts he needs to pay, including his own credit card debts and student loans.
Secondly, my brother has been coming home very late and leaving early in the morning and try to avoid knowing or talking to my mom and I even when my mother feels sick from work. He spent significant amount of him with his girlfriend and he seems to only come home for sleeping and taking the lunch my mom packed for him daily. My mom will not ask my brother to leave because she continues to be the kind of mother who wants to keep the family together, because she told me we are the only three persons who are related by blood in Canada and we can’t afford to lose each other.
I feel very angry at my brother and I severely disagreed with my mother. I do not want to have an older brother for superficial reason. I am accumulating my own credit card debts because my brother has refused to contribute unless when asked by my mom and even than, he would only give 100 or 200 dollars a month. I don’t want to go against my mother ‘s wish to keep the family intact, and I don’t want to use my credit card to bail my brother out even though he has a full time job. I don’t know what to do.
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