How do you tell your family about some unexpected news?

There are times when your parents may not be the easiest people in the world to talk with, and it is even worse if the subject is something that you know will be upsetting.
The important thing to remember is that if you are pregnant, your mom or dad are the people who are in the best position to help you handle your problem and make responsible decisions.
Choose a time when you will have complete privacy with your parents, as well as their attention. Tell them that you have to talk to them about a serious matter and ask them if they will not interrupt you until you have finished. From the first word you utter, be completely honest with your parents. Tell them exactly what your problem is and ask them for their help. They do love you and after the initial shock and hurt they will want to be there to support you through this difficult time.
Start the conversation with the maturity that you will need from now on. You are in a tough situation and facing it in a grown up way will make the road a little less rocky. Avoid arguing if you can; remember that you will have to expect some anger from your mom and dad, but at this time in your life, they are likely the best friends you could have.
After the first waves of shock have faded; talk with your parents about how you will handle this situation. If you have decided to keep your baby and your parents agree to continue to let you live at home, what new rules will be involved? What can you rely on them for and what do you need to provide?
It must be understood that if a young mother decides to live with her parents and keep her baby, it is very important that all parties involved including grandparents know that the responsibility and care for that child lives with the mother. Things could end up very messy later on if a line is not drawn.
Remember, your parents will likely be upset by this news. All parents want their children to be successful and happy and having a child at a young age can make achieving your dreams more difficult. This will be at the root of their anger, but hang in there because that same love that is spurring that anger will win out and they will very likely want to stand by you through this difficult time in your life.
Remember to give your parents some time to absorb all this.
Keep in mind, your parents may not have even known that you were sexually active. Are you asking them to absorb and accept that their daughter has been having intercourse and is pregnant, all at once?
It’s very likely that their first reaction will reflect the anger and shock, but with time, they will come to the understanding that this is something they need to help and support you through, something that cannot be changed at this time. You need to remember to give them the time and space to make that realization’.

I don’t live at home, I live with my fiancé in CO. My parents live in Texas. So I can only talk to them over the phone and not face to face like I would like to.

I would attempt to set the tone of the conversation by saying, “Mom, Dad, Fiance’s Name and I have some really great news that we want to share with you. We are expecting a baby.”

If they react badly, end the call as quickly as possible. Say that you have to go, but you hope that after they think about a while, they can be happy for you. Don’t let their response get you down.

Since they are devout Catholics…tell them that between the choices: Giving their grandchild away, aborting it or keeping their grandchild (even if the timing wasn’t quite right)...put the difficult task of telling them and having them be upset…in perspective.

Get married now.

Lol I would but the date is set and the invitations have been sent. But thanks for that.

@2totango As devout Catholics, I don’t know how your parents would like THIS idea, but I agree with @perspicacious, could you go to the justice of the peace (i.e., have a non-church wedding to make the baby legal and minimize the implications of your actions in the minds of the parental units). Then have a church wedding later? . . .. hmmmm

How many months along will you be by the time of the church wedding? e.g., will you likely be showing in the dress that you have selected?

I am at seven weeks now, and I will showing. But I know it’s a great idea, but I don’t think that my fiancé will agree to going behind my family’s back. We both know that it is a tough issue with them but I think we will deal with the consequences of our actions. We do however have the full support of his parents, who are also Catholic.

Hasn’t the Catholic bride “up the pole” been kind of a symbol of the religion for generations?

I mean… you won’t be the first Catholic girl pregnant at her wedding. And I’m sure you’ll look ravishing in your dress, bump or no bump. You’re getting married. Your parents will get over it, and probably even be happy for you.

I sure I will look pretty, and I’m sure they’ll get over it, but it’s probably safer for me to wait till the first trimester is over.

Congrats…..tell them the day after the wedding.

How do you think your parents would respond to the concept of immaculate conception?

Tell them the exact same way I assume you’re telling everyone else. You’re thrilled right? Well be thrilled when you tell them. Don’t soft sell this, don’t let their potential disapproval cast a shadow on one of the happiest times of your young life. You are about to be a mother, a perfect time to stop catering to your parents, not that you do, I’m just saying. This is the beginning of your new life and I wouldn’t let anyone cast a shadow on this particular joy.

@2totango You are talking about a show. Why not concentrate on what’s important?

@2totango You say you live with your fiancee, surely your parents already know you two have been having sex. I don’t think they’ll be as surprised by this news as you think they will.

My parents don’t know that I am sexually active. But I personally don’t believe it’s any of their business. I usually keep things to myself, but I figured I needed some advice on what I should do, since nobody here knows who I am.
I am however actually scared of what their reaction is going to be, because my brother is gay, and he told them. It’s been four years, and they won’t talk to him, and I am scared that will happen to me because I broke a “rule.”
But you all are right, and I do need to get my priorities straight. And right now the future of my fiancé, and my child is more important. I know his family will be there to help support me, no matter the outcome with my own.
Thanks you all for your advice.

@2totango ” because my brother is gay, and he told them. It’s been four years, and they won’t talk to him, and I am scared that will happen to me because I broke a “rule.”

Jesus, what kind of people do that to their children.

@Silhouette I’m sure it’s hard to understand if you are not in a family who follows a tradition such as the Catholic faith. I am not either. I respect people who live a certain way because they sincerely believe that it is correct way to live. I don’t have to agree with them. Yes, it sounds as though their treatment of their son was extremely harsh and closed minded and I can understand 2totango’s fear now.

Silhouette, they do. I love my brother and I am able to communicate with him now that I don’t live with them. I don’t care he’s my brother, and he already knows and is very happy for me, but he is worried about how they will react.

perspicacious That is correct. They are very closed minded, and my fiancé and I aren’t going to push it that far. The sacraments are important, but the extreme “hell fire damnation” isn’t.

@perspicacious Me too. I have the luxury of age in my pocket, I know having ties cut with parents who choose their religious convictions over their children is not necessarily a tragedy.

I also know many of those parents come to regret that choice.

Well.. when my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant, I was 19. We weren’t engaged yet… I went to my closest family member first, my mom. I told her and let it sink in a little. She cried a lot, and after a week she started getting that excited new grandma feeling. We’re also Roman Catholics and my grandfather my dad’s dad is a retired minister for the United Church of Christ. She thought it would be best to slowly start telling people.. So we sat down after dinner for desert one night and told my dad together. My boyfriend wasn’t present for this. My dad is very strict and he probably would have thrown a sharp object in his direction or something. My dad cried too. Neither of my parents disowned me. They were more concerned with how my life was about to change and how I was going to be able to finish college. I’m still working on that one. I graduate next semester! Because of how young I was, my mom and I told the rest of my family together one by one. Then we started telling our friends. Everybody was very accepting. My grandfather the retired minister was the last one we told because of his religious views and to our surprise, he was the most accepting of everyone we told. He said “God has a reason for everything. He meant for this child to come into the world.” He was one of the first people to come visit me in the hospital after my daughter was born. =]

Now… the bad thing about telling your family the way I told mine is some might get jealous because you didn’t come to them first or all together. It really depends on your relationship with your family.

I wish you the BEST of luck and congratulations on the engagement and the baby!!! It’s so exciting! =D

You have to treat it like you are pulling off a band-aid. You just take a deep breath and yank.

The more you wait, the greater the anticipation is going to become. What’s going to happen is going to happen no matter how long you wait. Kick the door in and get it over with.

Devout Catholics or not, I’m sure your parents have accepted there’s a strong possibility intercourse would happen between fiancees who live together. Do as @marinelife suggests and go with the quick positive announcement and then move on. You also had to have considered ahead of time when you chose to have intercourse that you ran the risk of getting pregnant before your wedding so obviously you accepted then whatever fallout with your parents might come. Good luck, I’m sure your folks will be forgiving once they have a grandchild, most of history is on your side whereas most of history has not been on the side of your brother’s position which is sad.

Marinelife has it spot on. When I got pregnant we were not married and he was a Catholic, I was Christian so I know how you feel. His parents reacted badly , mine were ok…. But what you need to know is that other people’s feelings about it are not yours to worry about. Your baby will be loved and that is paramount..ignore everyone else as much as you can, but when you can’t touch your tummy and hold onto the one thing that is true…a gift of life…and no doctrine can overcome the importance of that miracle. God gives life does he not… xxx.

Why not go get married at the courthouse? As a married woman, your pregnancy would be none of their business. They couldn’t prove whether you were pregnant before or after your marriage. Then, if they insist on the sacraments, have a big church wedding after.

Personally, I would just tell them, with joy. If they don’t like it, tell them that you aren’t going to allow them to ruin this experience for you, and go home to your new family.

Just tell them that though you understand you should have waited until marriage (as if), you appreciate the values you were brought up with (more bs) and would never consider abortion. They’ll see this in a positive light, don’t you worry.

Just tell your family the truth. They will be mad at first but they will understand your situation afterwards. Besides, they are your family. And it’s even a good news that your family will soon have a new member. As long as you apologize and explain everything properly, there’s no way that your family can’t understand you and your situation. Saying the truth is basically a healthy family tradition.