[NSFW?] How do you sublimate your desires?

I don’t. I fulfill my desires. But I don’t have any desires that I think are wrong – there are plenty of details in my sex life that others find inappropriate but if I worried about that, I’d never sleep so I don’t care, instead.

what desires?

I’m with @Simone_De_Beauvoir on this one. I don’t view any of my desires as being wrong or having negative outcomes from fulfilling them. I don’t care what other people think. As long as we are happy and healthy, it doesn’t matter what other’s think.

Ordinarily, I am like @Simone_De_Beauvoir in that I fulfill the desires that I have when I have them. However, there are times when it is not apropos for me to fulfill my desires sociology class is hardly a good time to hump that hot guy in the first row and during these times, I throw myself into whatever activity I am doing and content myself with fantasies until I can, ahem, jump into action.

@KatawaGrey It is the perfect time, lol

Nothing and everything.

uh… i’ve an arthritic left hand due to my attempt to sublimate my desire!

Seriously, before i consider my desires, i always think about the consequences of my actions. Could my actions hurt another person. Believe me, when i was younger, never gave it one thought. Life has taught me to always consider the other person’s feelings before involving them with my desires. But, having said that, if i’m open and honest with the person, that negates some my responsibilites!

I have this terrible desire to run around and pinch everyone I see on the bum, and then, when they get angry, to kiss them. As you might imagine, this activity is not always responded to with happy acceptance. In fact, sometimes, people become downright unfriendly. I’ve been taken off by the police several times and once I was sent to a facility for psychiatric observation.

In fact, I am in analysis. Yes, Freudian analysis. It still exists. You can imagine what my shrink has to say about this. Although he is kind of the quiet type. For a shrink, anyway. Which is to say, he does precious little more work than the couch does. I wouldn’t do it except for that court order.

Still, it is next to impossible for me to sublimate this desire. There is such satisfaction and release when I shock someone and then make it all better—all within five seconds. Although the make it better part is increasingly rare. I blame the rise of stalkers. Why once I had this stalker who… but I digress.

The urge creates this electric feeling energy around me. Other people—friends—say they can feel it. If I don’t give into it, my stomach turns all greasy-feeling, and sometimes I get acid reflux. There’s nothing that can fix me except “pinch-and-kiss.” Even as I write this, the fingers on my right hand are twitching (making it difficult to type), and I feel this electric energy in my lips. Sometimes I even pucker them.

I do yoga and meditation and guided meditations. They give me squeezy things to keep my hands full and I eat a lot of cotton candy, which, for some reason, seems to relax me.

But I need it so much. Like an addiction. You can not believe how strong that urge is.

Anyway, perhaps one or more of you lives near me. If you happen to be in our park one day, and you see this guy in shorts and running shoes run up behind someone, pinch them, then when they turn to look, kiss them and then run off—that’s probably me. Not a lot of people out there with this desire.

Oy.

For most of my life sublimation was not the issue, but lack of opportunity due to hopeless social skills. Now the side effect of antidepressants do the same thing.

So not one person on Fluther does any of these things because they can’t do another:
Eat?
Drink?
Watch (it) on TV?
Get overly involved in their kids sports results?
Fluther?

@6rant6 I’m trying to meditate rather than smoke a cigarette, if that’s what you mean.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land
I suppose so. Although I think the analysts who came up with the idea would want to know, “What would you really like to have in your mouth?”

@6rant6 A certain lovely lady’s nipple.

I’m eating instead of smoking. And don’t ask me what I’d rather be eating.

I’m like @BoBo1946 in that I try to think who will be affected and in what ways by me fulfilling my desires. It hasn’t caused me any regrets, not yet.

Sometimes instead of smoking a cigarette, I just take several deep breaths. Half of what’s satisfying about a cigarette (to me) is that it makes you slow down, concentrate on what you’re doing, and breathe deeply. I also take tae kwon do, which is amazing for melting away stress. After an hour or so of sparring and drills, you’ll feel invigorated and exhausted at the same time.

Sometimes I have to go for a walk to prevent myself from yelling at my father. Being the caregiver of a non-compliant adult with a shitload of health problems is not fun.

@Haleth: Sometimes I wish I smoked simply I would have an excuse to leave a situation for a few minutes.

Everyone would behave slightly differently if they did not operate in a social context. The truth is, other than in truly bizarre circumstances, there is no such thing as a human being that is not brought up in a social context. Thus, our personal desires become tempered by the expectations, based on myriad variables, of the social context. There is no way to know exactly what people would do if they lived totally outside of a social context, because we would not know that they were there. And at the instant that we became aware of their existence, a subtle or not so subtle demand would be placed upon them and to a lesser extent upon us.

isn’t sublimation just a fancy term for accepting that as adults we have to give these things a place and a time? not big on freud…sounds like just applying a bit of common sense to me…

@13thpagoda I’ve never heard of sublimating with cotton candy before, I am curious, where does one find cotton candy readily accessible? Do you live by a circus?

As long as ones desires cause no great harm, indulge away.

The only desire I should probably sublimate would be fudge cicles. ( Just stocked the freezer with 20 or so ) lol

@liminal

‘Do you live by a circus?’ lmao

@6rant6 very good question!

@liminal There are such things as home cotton candy machines, available just about anywhere.

@Coloma In my family, we call them “fugicles.” Which raises the issue of popicles.”

I, for one, never sublimate a desire. Perhaps if I had, I wouldn’t be living in this cardboard box.

Naw. Really—my desire is for bon-bons. I sit at home in my housecoat, watching TV and eating bon-bons and kissing my pet poodle Socrates. I go through about three boxes a day.

Ok. You caught me out again. In truth, I have no desires. I have been living in this monastery for the last 16 years and have finally managed to conquer my every wish. The only reason I am on the internet is to share my knowledge.

Sigh. Don’t you people believe anything?

Ok, now. The truth. My greatest desire is to be loved and appreciated. I suppose I could sublimate that by joining a monastery, but why? Why not be loved?

Ok. Anyone out there in the love business? ;-)

Clothes would be tops on my list. Having to wear appropriate clothes just blows. Give me terry cut offs, sandals and a comfy T-shirt and I am golden. To hell with dress slacks and ties! except for that hot date night! ;)

@josie I hope that “Fudge circle” isn’t what I think it is.

The distinction between “normal” or “adult” behavior and sublimation might be that with sublimation there is an “Unwitting” substitution of one thing with another.

So if you think, “I’d” like to go trap shooting, but I have the kids this weekend, so we’ll all go to Disneyland instead,” that’s not sublimation,that’s responsible behavior. But If your lover cancels because “We’ve been spending too much time together” and you find yourself eating Sarah Lee standing in front of the open freezer door, that’s sublimation.

Sublimation is unconscious. We don’t decide to sublimate, but we may notice after the fact.

So yes, we all DON’T do things that occur to us. I’m curious though, what are the things you DO instead?

@envidula61 How fun!!

@6rant6 For me, it isn’t Sarah Lee standing in front o the freezer it is usually chocolate and the almond butter jar.

I also will find myself kneading things that have texture to them. It cues me into noticing if I am feeling thwarted or unsatisfied about something.

If I were to divorce at this time I would become impoverished immediately. Going from living in one of the top 100 places to live in America to total poverty is enough of a negative consequence for me to subvert my desire to divorce into hyperfocus on my children’s well-being and producing artwork. I am probably sublimating my libinal desires by eating since I have not indulged in years.

@Joybird So you’re happy but sexless, or miserable and well-dressed?

@6rant6 I am in the moment and usually content but not happily esconsed in a romantic relationship that includes lots of sex. I am not miserable. And I dress like a Priestess of Venus…everything is long and flowey like Edwardian dressing gowns…I don’t know if that qualifies as well-dressed…probably not.