Why are self-deprecating comments more acceptable than whatever the opposite of those types of comments would be?

This has not been my experience… Usually when someone keeps self-deprecating themselves, someone jumps in and tells them to stop, or prove them wrong… Whenever I hear a person doing this, I try to change their minds…. Masochism is never good…

@lopezpor It’s great during sex, but I understand what you are saying

I think it’s a Puritan holdover. Oh the sin of pride! Even the mere whiff of such things overwhelms my delicate nature!

I prefer a balance. Some good, some bad. All bad is a compliment fisher, all good is a braggart. I like a nice middle ground.

I usually agree with them right away,so as to save myself the trouble of listening to them try to convince me of how wonderful they are.
It works like a charm :)

Humans are pack animals. Through natural selection we acquired an instinctual need to despise arrogance (in those who do not deserve ascension) in order to keep everyone together in the pack – into a stronger fluther, if you will. I don’t think it’s cultural, I think it’s instinctive.

However, to those who do deserve it, we instinctively practice hero worship.

Modesty is considered a virtue. People respect and appreciate a becoming modesty in anyone.

But modesty and self-deprecation are different. Self-deprecation is usually something else in disguise, whether it’s whining and complaining or fishing for compliments. People usually see through it and get tired of the pretense and the implicit demand—for sympathy, praise, reassurance, or just attention.

Inviting others to celebrate and enjoy the news of your good fortune is also different from bragging. Perhaps it’s partly a matter of delivery and partly choosing your audience and your occasion. No one I know would be resentful or put me down if I announced that my son was graduating with honors. But I would expect only a few to enjoy hearing that he was graduating with the highest honors and at the top of his class.

Likewise, if the conversation is about health and weight, people will congratulate you if you report that you’ve lost 12 pounds doing yoga. But if they’re all moaning about their struggle, they don’t want to hear you say that you can eat half a chocolate cake and not gain an ounce.

Maybe we could put it in terms of giving and taking. Sharing good news is giving. When you answer a “how are you?” greeting with a hearty “I feel great!”, that’s giving. Lamenting and complaining, on the one hand, and demanding to be admired and applauded, on the other, are taking. Better save those for your closest chums and spare the rest.

I don’t want to name names (astro something comes to mind) but not everyone uses self-deprecating humour as well as I do.

I think being self deprecating can be funny, and bond people. It is telling the other person that you are aware you are not perfect and you can see humour in imperfection. It frees the other person to also not have to be perfect. I agree with @Jeruba That there is a difference between bragging and sharing good news. Some of it I think depends on the crowd you are with. Your parents will always be thrilled to hear about how their grandchildren are on the honor role, but a friend who has a child who is doing poorly and school and hanging around a bad crowd may not want to hear your wonderful news, but it might be taken as a comparison.

I also agree that it is a holdover from not being prideful as @gemiwing mentioned, one of the seven sins I believe. There is a wavy dotted line with pride it seems; we are supposed to have enough of it to have confidence, but no so much that it gives us a big head.

Also, back to the humour, I think some of it is cultural. Soen cultures and families use this type of talk a lot, some don’t, because they fail to see the humour in it.

@JLeslie The self-deprecating humor thing gets me. I hate it. I don’t think it’s funny. Putting others down, whether done in a joking manner or not, is unnecessary.

“The self-deprecating humor thing gets me. I hate it. I don’t think it’s funny. Putting others down, whether done in a joking manner or not, is unnecessary.”

Self-deprecating humour means putting yourself down, joking about your own flaws and not taking yourself seriously. It is very British.

@Facade Well self deprecating is putting yourself down, but I guess that can be expanded to groups an individual identifies with, is that what you mean? Like Jewish comics making fun of Jews, Mexicans about Mexicans, women about women, etc.

I’ve always hated this. Talking about yourself is okay, as long as it’s negative. That’s never been my attitude. Now, I don’t want someone shoving how great they are in my face, but I also don’t want them to shove how horrible they are either. If people could just be honest about both the positive and the negative, that would be ideal. When someone shares something positive, I enjoy hearing about it because I like to see people with high self-esteem and confidence. I’m attracted to that. This whole “I suck” attitude turns me off. I tend to steer away from people like that. Nothing wrong with being able to recognize flaws, but if that’s all you talk about, that’s going to seem unappealing to me.

There’s a difference between high self-esteem and arrogance. Arrogant people think they’re better than other people; it’s about comparing themselves to others and elevating themselves above others. People with high self-esteem just think they’re a good person and are able to recognize their strengths and not be completely discouraged by a flaw. Everyone has flaws and when people can recognize those, that’s great. Pretending you don’t have flaws is never a good thing. But neither is pretending you don’t have any strengths.

Kind of went on a tangent, but the reason is 1) that people want to know there are others worse than them. Hearing positive things about another person makes an insecure person more insecure. And 2) that unfortunately many people are arrogant about it, but too often seeing positive things about yourself is mistaken for arrogance.

“In the words of the psychoanalyst Martin Grotjahn: Aggression turned against the self seems to be an essential feature of the truly Jewish joke. ...

@zenele Yes, but why not joke about something else? Why go straight to putting each other down? I can only imagine that the people making these jokes are projecting from their own insecurities.
@JLeslie I’m honestly not sure. And I’m not saying that have never done it. I’m questioning everyone’s behavior, including my own.

@Facade I question it sometimes myself. I tend to think people are too sensitive and too easily offended. But then, I’m Jewish to @zenele point. And, what I realize is that I need to be sensitive to the fact that not everyone sees the humor in such things.

Do you find shows like Seinfeld or The Nanny funny? Which kind of makes fun of Jews culturally? Or, do you not even realize that it is being done on those shows?

@JLeslie I think the opposite is happening, and people are becoming desensitized. I’ve seen The Nanny and Seinfeld, and I thought they were ok shows. Not really my cup of tea. I love Frasier. And yes, I realize it is being done, I’m just trying to figure out why.

We just find it funny. We have been raised that way, conditioned.

Here’s a story. I was driving with my husband and my window was open. Anyway, all of a sudden I felt something near my neck and I flipped out, thought it was a bug, grabbed it and threw it out the window, and as I was throwing it I realized it was smooth and it was like slow motion as it left my fingertips, it was my earing! I told my husband what I just did, and he was almost angry, calling me an idiot. I turned to him, and said, you don’t realize it, but this is funny. I don’t know if that story is self deprecating, but we obviously see humor in different things sometimes. I don’t mind makiing fun of something I did that was ridiculous.

@Facade, is self-deprecating ethnic humor included in the scope of your question? I didn’t understand it that way. I thought you were talking about the sort of thing @DominicX described so vividly.

@Jeruba It’s included, but I was also talking about what @DominicX mentioned.

I have to do it and I do it all the time as the more I talk about how great I am the more people want to beat me at my own game and I found it is the only way I can get a decent challenge on the golf course! Now all I have to do is to get @lucillelucillelucille to agree with me! ;)

I guess maybe a balance is what is necessary. No one wants to be around the guy who is always negative, whether it be about themselves or other people, but I think people also get frustrated when other people take themselves too seriously.

Both @Jeruba and @JLeslie have wisely highlighted the importance of balance. Balance and imbalance is easier to detect in the behaviour of others than it is in ourselves!

It also requires being able to correctly read non-verbal social cues and adjust your own behaviour accordingly. There are some of us who, despite high intelligence and formal education continue to struggle and fail in that area. I, for one, have recently learned about this lifelong deficit.

I too suffer from this deficiency,
I just can’t hide my proficiency,
at, with characteristic efficiency,
forcing inquisitions, see?

If we could conquer this condition, we
might be in better positions, free
to harness our cognition… “Gee”,
Excuse the lyrical omission…

P.S. You’ll know when I should be working, when I start writing verse. Back to cramming, exam in 9 hours =_=’

It’s a way of cutting off criticism. If you criticize yourself, others are less likely to.

I suppose it makes you seem harder to offend, if you are already acknowledging your flaws in good humour (or not).

life is a leveller…this is learnt over time…we are all the best, we just learn to accommodate others for the sake of a successful society…when society breaks down is because some of us offend others by not dealing with our superiority adequately…in other words we are seen to flaunt it offensively… this why wise people say less…said with complete humility and utter anonymity…