Is it ok to look at porn (by yourself) when you are in a relationship?

This could fall under ‘consenting adults’ or what ‘he/she doesn’t know can’t hurt you’.

It may say somehting about the depth of your relationship. Whether or not you do it is up to you though.

Have you talked about it? One of my housemates has an agreement with his girlfriend. She doesn’t want to have sex as much as he does, so she lets him look at porn. It’s a mutual agreement. (I’m sure theres more involved than just that, but I don’t ask.) I personally don’t see a problem with it. Just talk about it.

I don’t think it’s inherently disrespectful, but if your partner thinks it is, that’s the opinion that matters as far as your relationship is concerned. Perhaps you should talk it over with him?

Maybe he wants to be the only one you look at? Maybe he’s insecure? Personally, I don’t think it should matter where you get your appetite from as long as you eat at home!

I wouldn’t say that porn in relationships is either “ok” or “not ok” – it depends on the context, and on your partner.

Talk it over with him. Explain the function porn has in your life, and ask him about his feelings on the subject. Discuss possible boundaries that might make him more comfortable – you only watch porn on days you don’t see him/ you only watch porn when he’s not available/ you only watch porn once or twice a week/ you only watch softcore porn/ whatever.

Usually there is some kind of compromise people can make so that both partners feel okay with the situation. If, however, porn is a moral or deeply held ethical issue, he might not be okay with it in any circumstance. If that is the case, you really only have two choices – abstain from porn, or break up.

as long as you have your feet in warn water and martha Stewart on and the washer on its okay. No but for real, just talk to your partner. Communication is the key

If your partner is comfortable with it, go for it. If she doesn’t want you to, don’t sneak – that will ruin the relationship.

If anything talk with your partner about using it as a learning tool.

yes its okay because it prevents you from thinking about cheating on your partner.. The porn just gives you what your significant other cannot.. Fulfilling fantasies of threesomes and outdoor sex..

I noticed that gay was one of the tags you used for this question. Is this because you are watching gay porn? Just curious. I will tell you what I’m thinking after you answer this .

@de3bo ya but if you hide it it could cause trust issues. And you forgot 2girls1cup.com don’t go there if you have weak tummy and are under 18.

discuss the issue with your partner first..you have to respect his or her feelings.

sure its fine

I think it’s a healthy way to get any frustrations out without actually going out and finding someone to sleep with. Looking can’t hurt.

Now if it is becoming an obsession then thats a different story.

Heyu1021: Let me ask you…what frustrations are you referring to(sexual?) and what is considered obsessive?

if you have fluther up and porn up at the same time and martha Stewart is on all at the same time…......you might need help.

Who cares if your looking at porn while in a relationship. Seriously i think it would be horrible if your significant other said you werent allowed to and should consider getting out of said relationship. It’s not like your going out and getting with other people. I say as long as you can maintain a healthy and happy relationship its irrelevant. On the other hand if say you’re no longer interested in your partner because you’re to busy thinking about your little video stash thats a different story.

deepseas72: Obsessive would be looking at porn on the laptop while your partner sits next to you watching TV. Thinking you’re watching TV too. I think porn should be viewed on your free time, alone.

Sexual frustrations, yes.

Oh. Now I see. I get it now! Thanks, heyu1021!

@ uberbatman
Thank You!
I’m kinda shocked by some of the posts, here. All this talk about making sure your partner is ok with it before you watch porn. In all honestly, I think watching/looking at/downloading porn should be expected. If you don’t want your partner to do this, then you should bring it up early in the relationship. Pornography has been around since cave man times, and I don’t it’s realistic to ask someone to not view porn.

Futher, if you do have a problem with your partner viewing porn, I really think you should look at your own insecurities and work on those. Now of course this doesn’t include, live one on one web cam-ing, or exchanging nude pictures. I would consider those forms of cheating (unless agreed upon as acceptable in the relationship) And I think one should have a little tact with how, when, and where they watch porn.

to scamp: yes, I am watching gay porn because I am a gay male with a gay male partner.

If neither of you feels it’s disrespectful, then it’s okay. For you. Everyone is different, and every couple is different. Each couple has to work on their own unique set of issues. As long as you don’t prod him into watching porn, which you say he doesn’t like, then it sounds like things should be all right. If he’s being honest with you about it not bothering him. If he’s not, you’ll know soon enough.

@Noon: what it comes down to is, both partners have to be happy with the arrangement. It doesn’t matter who is right: if your partner thinks porn is degrading and exploitative, and you think porn is healthy and fun, someone is going to be unhappy: either you, when you don’t watch porn even though you think you should, or your partner, who is upset that you’re watching porn.

Depends. Are there animals in it?

I don’t like using the image of another guy to get me off because I am in a monogomous relationship and I feel like I’m being intimate with someone else, other than my partner. If Michael wants to, that’s fine. I’m not going to force him not to. I know he loves me and only wants to share his intimacy with me, if he looks at porn on his own that’s fine.

My only insecurity is that, over the years he will start wishing he could have one of the guys on TV, compared to me but anything could trigger that. Porn is certainly not the only one.

@deepseas72 Forgive me. I assumed you were female for some reason, and that your partner may not have liked girl on girl porn because he could not compete with that. I had a boyfriend years ago that was very paranoid about time I spent with my girlfirends for that reason, and I wondered if that’s why your partner didn’t like porn. Sorry, I was way off on this one.

@yellowbrat789 Welcome to Fluther where we discuss things, but we don’t call each other morons. That’s what is inappropriate my friend.

Personally, I disagree with all pornography. My sister did some research on its affects on the mind and there is physiological evidence that it produces addictive behaviors and desensitizes a person’s ability to see the difference between love and objectifying another human being.

Be that as it may, even if you do feel that pornography is OK to view, watching porn while in a relationship is blatantly disrespectful of the affections of your significant other. If you can’t see the inherent problem in this, then you clearly do not understand love and fidelity. I am really that confident in the axiomatic quality of this statement that I feel it needs no other justification. But, I will provide at least this much—have you ever known a couple where porn was an active part of the relationship and they did not have significant relational problems? As of yet, I have not had the opportunity to observer otherwise. Researchers have found that porn has been shown to destroy marriages and relationships.

i agree with the godfather to a degree. watching porn (alone) when married does lead to detroying marriages. as far as relationships go, i think thats why we are all in relationships to begin with. taking people as they are to see if any of us are the right fit for eachother. In a marriage you make adjustments for one another. in a basic relationship. i believe you should be who you are and not hide or feel ashamed about looking at porn. again i only patially agree with the godfather.

The real question is, is it ok to star in a porn when you are in a relationship? The answer, of course, is yes (assuming that the price is right).

I agree with cardinal…“What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him”.

my GF and I watch porn together. start with something softcore and move your way slowly to the raunchy stuff. who knows, she / he might be totally into something you didn’t even know about. explore together. its a great way to spice things up.

but to better answer your question, its totally fine. as long as you aren’t thinking about the porn more than her / him. just put it this way, you could be cheating.

and to add, masturbation is very healthy. infact necessary. relieve some stress and watch a little porn. if he gets jealous, just put it on him like hes never had it before. he’ll shut up real quick.

I may be way late in the discussion but I think there are all sorts of reasons it IS ok. One would be to remain faithful. Rather than look outside the relationship to satisfy.

There is and should be no shame in porn or in your relationship. If you have been together for any length of time you should be aware and your partner should be aware of what you enjoy. There is no need to hide porn and if you have to hide the fact that you like one of the largest industries in the world then I would say you should not be together due to some major security issues. I watch porn alone or with my wife. Sometimes I even wank to porn. It does not mean that desire to be with anyone in the video, I am just visually stimulated and enjoy the audio sometimes.. Don’t get me wrong, it is not like I am at home watching 2girls1cup or anything like that, but I do enjoy the hell out of www.redtube.com and youporn.com
Enjoy yourself. We are not here for a longtime, you might as well have a good time.

I beg all of you to consider the option of not viewing pornography at all. Abstaining from sexual immorality (even from the the “mere viewing” of it) can only have a positive effect on a marriage or a relationship.

A partner in a relationship should find all of his or her fulfillment in the other person. Their love and sexuality should only be reserved for each other. Furthermore, as a Christian, I would urge everyone to wait to have sex until marriage. I am getting married in December and my fiancee and I are both virgins. It will be such a great feeling to be able to share that for the first time together and not have to think about anyone else.

To wrap things up, I want you to know that I understand that not everyone reading this is a Christian—I would expect that a majority are not from the responses—so I don’t expect agreeance; however, if anyone is on the edge, and may be feeling something in the pit of their stomach while viewing pornography, you should read what the Bible has to say about Sexual Immorality. Even if you just KNOW you won’t agree, try to check it out anyway and maybe read some surrounding passages. Happy Fluthering!

@deep——good for you. Knock yourself out. Do what you need to do to get off.

What worries me are folks like chutterhanban, folks that care what you do in your bdroom are the real problem….” my fiancee and I are both virgins”——sure that is what you think! You have no idea!

That feeling in the pit of your stomach is…..latent homosexual desire? Or blueballs? Great comedy, I enjoy the view of the 11th century.

@chutterhanban waiting until your married is a horrible idea. What happens when you find out the sex is no good?

Maybe thats why Christians have a higher divorce rate than anyone else.

I love that I’m automatically wrong because I’m not a liberal. Okay, so I don’t actually love that, but the sarcasm fits right in, eh?

Happy fitting in!

@ uberbatman: search for the question “Does anyone wait to have sex until they’re married anymore?” Have fun.

@ allengreen: to keep it short… what worries me are the people who rail on others who are simply presenting a goodhearted opinion with no mal intentions.

@ chutterhanban – while I may not agree with your choices or statements I appreciate your being brave enough to state them here. I also believe in the others right to counter and express their opinions. Your convictions are admirable and, in the end, yours to follow.

I think the most important think when it comes to viewing porn is how the people involved in viewing or not viewing it feel. That may be you and your girl/boy friend, a guy and his hand or a couple and their god. If there is communication then things should be ok for you.

My take.

@ Bri_L: good call :)

You can do whatever you want. But just realize, you are obeying your flesh. It shouldn’t be that way; your flesh should obey YOU. While porn is powerful & invigorating…just remember you are:
1 – giving the sexual energy your relationship needs, to porn, with no return investment.
2 – conditioning yourself to adopt unrealistic “sexpectations” on what the human body should look like.
3 – likely creating a sense of jealousy in your partner.
4 – you are having sex in your mind, with fictional characters, when all the while, you have a real character you could have sex with.

Your decision.

I don’t believe obeying your flesh is the first step in the decision process.

Also, all off your points could be as false as true. That is why communication is important.

Porn is actually pretty pointless. At least that is what I found. It was fun for a while, but just got more and more boring. I found it actually it more entertaining to see how I can stimulate my self with out it. Seeing as my girlfriend, and I live in a different city, so being together whenever we want is not an option. But, never would I knock someone for being into porn. I think that males are just more visual creatures than women.

only if it is ok with him.. otherwise it is not a good thing to do

ABSOLUTELY!!!! ask your partner to join! If they do, great!!! If not, oh well!