How do i overcome my anger when my mom insults me?

How old are you? What grades are you getting when she yells at you (you said if they aren’t an A+, but are you getting A-‘s or F’s or something in between)? Have you tried to talk to your mom calmly about it? When you say you write down your feelings, do you mean in a private journal or somewhere else?

You could try saying “Thanks Mom, I know you love me and are concerned about my future. It is not in my best interest to be compared to other people.”

If you stay calm in the face of her outburst, perhaps you could help her handle her anger.

You can tell her that she can either choose to have a relationship with you or push you away. But no matter what grade the other kid gets, he will not be her child. Also let her know that you could compare her to other parents but that she is your only mother and you love her for who she is flaws and all.
Tell her you will always try your best but that you will only do it for yourself because no matter what she may want for you, you want it more for your future, however you know perfection is not always going to be achievable and you refuse to beat yourself up over something you know you gave it your best shot.
Tell her she may desire A+ all the time but all you desire is a mother who respects your hard work and loves you no matter what.
Remind her that the other kid very well may be smarter but she doesn’t know if they are happy.
Then let her know that as a mom you would think she want you to be happy and making you feel second best to a stranger hurts your self esteem and makes you feel unworthy of her love for you. In the end it can only destroy your relationship.
Btw. My dad although awesome did the same thing to me. He always compared me to my cousin. I told him he should go adopt him so he have the kid he always wanted since I was such a failure as a daughter. Lucky for me, he got the idea and stopped and apologized. He thought it motivated me to work harder and I told him it only motivated me to try to fail because it hurt less to fail by not trying than to feel like a failure after trying. It was actually over typing. I hated typing and my grades sucked but the more he pushed the less I tried.

“Hey mom, I can only do my best for me. Not because you want me to be like someone else”.

Mom,

When you are willing to listen, I will be willing to talk. When you turn off the yelling, I will be willing to listen. When you are willing to treat me with respect, I will be willing to try to understand your points of view. When you are willing to create an environment conducive to learning, I will be better able to learn with enthusiasm.

As it stands, by constantly comparing me to your friend’s son, you are creating a distance between us that may not allow us to be close.

If you try to do better, you’ll get more of my best.

Love, Miss Pouty Face

First of all your mum really shouldn’t be comparing you. Maybe the other boy is naturally gifted, hence the A+ grades.
All you can do is your very best. Are you working as hard as you possibly could? What are the grades you are attaining?
If you feel you are doing all you can to achieve, then I would say to your mum that you are doing your best and ask her not to compare you.

Tell her you understand her anger then point out how you see things.

Dear Mom, I don’t exist to make you feel better about yourself and win a competition with a lady down the street about ‘Who’s child is best’. I’m your child but I’m my own person.

Oh the childhood memories…

I remember being compared to other kids all the time. I remember other kids being compared to me. I remember all of us kids thinking this was crazy.

Seriously, I don’t think any of the above will work, at least not if its a situation similar to what I had. Just keep remembering the good times you have with your parents and when things go wrong, sometimes you have to roll with the punches. Parents are human too and they have their own hang ups and imperfections.

@roundsquare I think you hit the nail on the head. In my situation, I was too afraid of my Mom’s wrath to even begin to contemplate a confrontational approach (and, likely as a result, I am not very confrontational as an adult).

@misspoutyface It is uncomfortable now and will blow over soon. Unless you have the type of relationship where you can actually talk to your mom, there is probably very little you can do to have her see your point of view. At some point, you will decide if the energy is worth it or if your time is better spent just waiting for it to go away. This is not an emotionally healthy response. If you can talk to her, it is probably worth the attempt so you grow up to be a mentally sound adult who can stand up for herself but you have to understand that you may have consequences for standing up to your mom until you learn to do it in a way that also works for her personality.

It is also important to know that childhood/being a teen is the time when we are supposed to learn how to share our feelings and bounce them off trusted others and take in their feedback, etc.

I can’t imagine that grade cards come out more than 4–6 times a year . . .

Try telling her that you can only do your best and that you get trouble achieving your goals whenever she compares you to anyone else. Try telling her this when you two are doing something fun together or when she is in a good mood. Also you can let other members of the family who you are close to in on your problem. They also can talk to her and she would be more inclined to listen. And…only as a LAST RESORT, try when you two are together and with other members of the family at a big event like a dinner or BBQ party or something, and tell everyone that in front of everybody. Say loudly” Whenever I get less than an A in my exams my mom yells at me and I dont know why she always compares me to other children” It may seem embarrasing but in my experience it will help tremendously….but like I said earlier do this only as a LAST RESORT.

“Hey Mom, neither one of us want to remember you as the lady who always yelled at me to be like the other kids. I’d like to remember you as one of those great Moms that supported her children on their own path and life choices. You know, like the way all the most successful people in the world talk about how their Moms were the most supportive person in their lives. Not one of them says anything about their mothers yelling at them to be like other kids”.

Also, PLEASE remember this @misspoutyface. If your Mom is talking about you to her friends at work, that means she’s really really proud of you. She may not let you know it, but put it together smart girl!

Mom’s have a way of getting competitive. One says something good about their kid, and then another has to say something about their own. It becomes a contest. They’re like two sets of crazy sports fans that forget about the game in favor of strutting their team spirit.

The real star is you! Don’t forget that. You are a star of the universe. A very precious gift to the cosmos. You do know how rare life is in the cosmos… don’t you? And it’s even more rare to be so intelligent and passionate about the things that concern you in life. I see great things in your future. Just remember, it is your future that’s being built today. Do your best to build your future, and watch everyone else be shocked in amazement and wonder at what you do!

I think all of the above is all generally good advice. But just learn to be yourself, worry only about you, and work to the best of your potential while your in school. You will eventually grow up one day. Everybodys different, and once your done with school twenty years from now nobody is going to care who has all A’s or who had a higher grade in whatever subject, all that is going to ultimately matter is if your happy with yourself or not. I use to stress out about things like that too, but I just realized that theres no need to stress about things as little as that. As long as Im not completely failing at what Im expected to do, Im just going to wake up in the morning everyday, go to school, go to work, do what needs to be done, then come home at the end of the day, and if anybody has a problem with it then so let it be.Learn not to care so much. Its all up to you.

Pick up a book on boundaries and leave it laying around. Often, parents live vicariously through their children, usually without being aware that they are doing it. They view their children as an extension of themselves. Let your mom know how you feel about her contest with this other mother. Tell your mother she should look for a different way to keep up with the Jones because you are doing your best and the pressure to out do (insert boys name here) is starting to get you down.

She’s never going to change. I have to brush off my mothers ridiculous comments to me, or I’d dwell and never get anything done.

I love the “Book on Boundaries” idea @Silhouette

I think it would look great sitting right next to the Kama Sutra

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Thanks

Why don’t you try to apply the law of cause and effect? For example, when you get angry, do you achieve the effect or respnce that you desire. If not then getting angry isn’t working for you. You can control your thoughts. Feelings are thoughts therfore you can control your feelings. Practice controling your anger by reminding yourself over and over that anger will take you to a place that you don’t want to be. If you can do that, then you will have learned a very good lesson that will help you all your life. Good health!