Do you find that those who are quick to judge (others), tend to be the most unhappy in life?

@jjmah personally, don’t ever judge others…I’ve enough problems with myself.

Double GQ’s sum it up pretty well.

“those who are quick to judge (others)”

Depends on what side of the fence you are on.
You might not see it as quick to judge, not having all the facts.

Could be they are very happy. Being able to cut through the bull.

I’m very judgemental, but turn it inwards. There may be good correlation between judging and unhappiness, but I don’t think it matters whether you are judging others or yourself.

If bitter = unhappy then yes. I find that many people who are quick to judge others myself included at times come across as being very bitter.

I’m around a bitter, judgmental person almost 24/7…and, I can tell you for sure and certain that he IS NOT happy. Even thinking the universe is centered precisely over them.

In my life experience, I find the happiest people are the ones with all working body parts and and easy going demeanor. It tends to follow that easy going, implies non-judgmental.

On the contrary, I judge all of you, all of the time, mercilessly, and I am among the happiest of men in the world.

Happiness blesses those who don’t try to obtain it.

Judging is what humans do. We like to categorize and delineate. It’s how we think.

Now, if you mean judging as in assuming the negative about each and every person one meets, I think it’s safe to say yes, they are more unhappy. It’s hard to be happy when you are surrounded by everything you dislike.

As to those who don’t give a shit being happier, I know that is false. My ennui and apathy make me very unhappy.

@dpworkin lmao…............well, i’ve a lot of imperfections to judge!

@all GAs

Those who are too quick to judge, and those who judge with unnecessary absolution usually have persecution issues. Even when it’s necessary to judge someone quickly, holding that judgment over the long term is something a healthy person rarely feels inclined to do.

“holding that judgment over the long term is something a healthy person rarely feels inclined to do.”

Like locking my front door every night?

Quick judgments are a rule of life and I know everyone does it. But it is those who offer their 2 cents when it wasn’t asked of them do tend to be sour pusses.

“What the fuck are you on about, @Cruiser?” asked @dpworkin with an enormous grin

I know a very judgmental person who tries to pretend he’s not. His judgmental personality has made it so, even though he’s quite charismatic and friendly, he can’t keep any friends. Now that he’s retired and lives mainly alone, he has very little social contact with anyone since none of his previous friends want to spend time with him. He’s a very lonely person, and rather unhappy.

So yeah, I guess you’re right. Constantly thinking badly of others makes you an undesirable person to spend time with, and there are very few people who can truly be happy without any friends whatsoever.

@ChazMaz Good point. But trust and acceptance are two different things in any large community.

I don’t think it’s related to happiness or not on my part, but I find that the older I am getting, the less judgmental I am becoming.

@janbb I agree. I’m nowhere as judgmental and intense in 2010 as I was in the 1980’s. Funny thing, that! Experience is a great leveller of rash actions and thoughts.

@dpworkin Here is change back from your 2 cents you nipplehead! <hands him a penny> ;)

They’re quick to judge others because they are unhappy with themselves.

There are certain areas where good judgment is vital.

And we all judge others privately. Once we have defined ourselves, we have set internal standards. This is different from calling a bad driver a muttonhead, at top volume out the open window.

How do we choose lovers, friends?
How do we deal with family conflict?
How do we deal with the myserious workings of our credit card co.?

We all make judgements, the trick is to catch them and see them for what they are.

Judging judgement is still a judgement. lol

I have never been very judgemental, am big on free spiritedness and never judge others on their looks, jobs, homes, vehicles, and all the other shallow surface stuff that gets misconstrued as some sort of definitive label of the totality of another.

I DO struggle on occasion with moral judgements…but am quick to catch them and release them back to where they belong…in the hands of the universe.

How do I know what is right or wrong for another in their very unique life school lessons?

Everyone makes mistakes and just because my mistakes are not the same as others I still cannot judge even if I iniitially catch myslef going down that path.

Little old me is no match for karma and universal law…

absolutely :)

That’s probably true. I’m pretty judgmental of myself and others, and it doesn’t bring me happiness. I’d stop if I could.

I don’t think that’s true, I am not saying the I always judge people, but sometimes I just judge people without maybe even noticing until when my friend pokes me and tells me to think of what I just said.
When you judge you always feel like you have more confidence and stuff, but it doesn’t mean that you are unhappy in life, it’s just that you are self-consious.

I find that a lot of my opinions, and even some of my fairly generic statements are perceived as me passing judgment on others. That’s hardly the case, but you try telling that to people. =_=
I am, however, content.

Yes. Misanthropy isn’t fun if you’re doing it right.

No I don’t find that people’s tendency to judge others is a fair indicator of their happiness.

I have know many a fine folk who sit in judgment of oodles of others and are quite smugly happy with their perceived superiority. So much so that I am convinced that sitting in judgment of others is an integral part of their happiness.

“To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.” — Quentin Crisp

I think generally yes, those who are quick to judge are less happy. I think those people who always want to put others down, are really trying to boost themselves up. They tend to be insecure with low self esteem, and judging others harshly makes them feel superior to that person. I also think they might be more miserable because possibly they not only stand in judgment of others, but do of themselves also, looking for perfection, and that can be a tough goal to accomplish, seems to me easier to accept that we are all imperfect and all make mistakes, and we try our best. Unmet expectations can be a real downer, and I think people who judge have many times unrealistic expectations.

Now this is the story all about how….my life sucked in high school. You are now singing the Fresh Prince song in your head.

I was very judgmental in high school, and I still am, to an extent. I felt disdain for almost everyone around me. Most of how I got through those 4 years was through laughing at everybody else. I was unhappy. But I think the key variable here, the one linked with unhappiness, is not “a judgmental disposition.” Rather, it is the alienation and loneliness one feels from not relating to their peers. Elizabeth Bennet from Pride & Prejudice reminds me a bit of myself: “The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it.” In my case, “the world” was my high school, my town, my peers. What also sticks with me is her words to Jane, “Til I have your disposition, your goodness, I never can have your happiness.” If you’re like Jane, always thinking the best of everyone, you might very well be quite happy… but it is ignorant bliss. Jane is a caricature; her inability to see fault in anyone despite the evidence is beyond all reason. There’s a fine line between optimism and foolishness.

With that said, I think if one is prudent about their judgment, they can very well be happy. In my opinion, thinking highly of everyone is just plain stupid. It shows no discretion. Similarly, thinking poorly of everyone without reason is stupid as well. A lot of my judgment in high school was based on something: people’s behavior, conversation, values, attitudes. It’s natural to feel unhappy when you’re among people you dislike.

In short, I think the “cause/effect” implication of this question is off. People do not judge others because they are unhappy; rather, they are unhappy because they are dismayed by those around them.

I don’t think I’ve changed my outlook a whole lot since I’ve left high school. I still think kids I grew up with are shallow and ridiculous. I think the same of a lot of people at my college. But what has changed is my ability to cope with it. I can laugh at people without letting the hate take over me, without letting it bring me down. I no longer feel alienated; I’m more secure and confident. It’s not necessarily the outlook that brings you down, but the way you handle that outlook.

@le_inferno I liked your answer. You made me think that for me having an opinion is not the same as judging in my mind. You can have the opinion that your peers are interested in meaningless things, but that does not mean you have to look down on them, it just means you choose to spend your time differently. What do you think? If you were indifferent to the people around you who are not interesting to you it would not affect you emotionally, you would as the OP says, “not give a shit.”

From my own experience, yes, I do find that to be true. As people have said, correlation doesn’t imply causation, but there certainly does seem to be a correlation from my experiences. No one is denying that everyone makes judgments. Of course everyone makes judgments; that’s part of being human. To me this was referring to quick, usually negative, and often baseless assumptions made about people. The people I’ve met who do this tend to be bitter, unhappy, and constantly criticizing other people’s lives when their lives are highly problematic, but they refuse to see that or do something about it.

Reading others’ responses has made me want to clarify. I don’t judge people or myself as a way to put people down or just point out their flaws. I do it in hopes that they and I will see what they are doing wrong and fix it. After years of trying to figure out why I’m so judgmental and unable to sit around and pretend to be ok with “flaws” that could be fixed, I’ve come to the conclusion that I just want to do what’s right, and I want others to want and do that as well. And like I said, I’d stop if I could.

@JLeslie Well, I did look down on them. But the difference was I let hate bubble over inside me; I was angry and bitter. Now, I may become slightly annoyed with what I see, but I don’t let it bring me down. I’m happy, I have good friends, a boyfriend, an enjoyable life. In high school, I think the hate was all I had. I didn’t have much to make me happy. I felt lonely, insignificant, awkward, ugly, underappreciated. My judgments haven’t changed, but my happiness has. The relationship between my perception of myself/my life and my perception of others is very important in terms of overall happiness.

@DominicX

ZING!

Damn…all that wisdom in such a young guy…you are a very bright star!

Not only do people who are quick to judge others tend to be unhappy but they are more prone to coronary heart disease because of their frequency of hostile interactions with other people.

Along with watching your mind/thoguhts in general..a very eye opening excerise is to spend one day watching all the judgements you make, mostly unconsciously..and bringing them into conscious awareness.

Pretty amazing!

Keep a judgement journal for a day….wow!

@Facade I think you are critical and analytical, and trying to learn from your own mistakes or that others have done, it does not have to be judgmental, you don’t have to frame it that way I don’t think.

@le_inferno well, I identify with being lonely, and feeling insignificant, or out of place, especially when I was a young teen, I became very depressed because of the very things you describe. I didn’t really dislike the other people around me,I didn’t judge them, they were never mean directly to me, I just didn’t fit in. They were partying on the weekends, and I didn’t feel comfortable doing that, and my former close friends began to kind of drift away, their interests were different than mine. I think it is great that you have such a good atitude now, it only gets better as you get older. I am in my 40’s now, and I have more happiness now than I ever have, even though I have had a lot of really shitty things happen to me.

I’m not saying I never judge people, but it isn’t often.

I learned that most people who are judgemental (including me) are using that tactic to not look at their own issues; the fear of that being they wouldn’t like who they really are (because who wants to think any part of themselves are “bad”?), that whatever badness they have is beyond their control to fix anyway, and not understanding that everyone has a shadow and it’s better to accept one’s shadow than to curse it. You can’t accept or change something you refuse to examine. The idea that one’s behaviours are fixed and unchangeable is so much balderdash.

It’s seemingly easier just to project stuff onto others, but after a while that catches up to one.

I see whole groups of people who sit in judgment of others, day in, day out, and they give every appearance of being quite content and happy with themselves and the rest of their flock.

But heck, who knows, maybe it’s the cookies after their morning service rather than the act of being judgmental that makes them happy!

@aprilsimnel well said.

@aprilsimnel

Yes, another very valid point, well said!

The more self accepting, warts and all, the more other accepting.

I don’t like to think that I could ever be a killer, and I most likely won’t be in the sense of a violent premeditated act…BUT…if I woke up to a psycho standing over my bed in the middle of the night, you bet could rip his nose off with my teeth and then some! lol

When one fully accepts that they too have the ability to commit any number of acts loathe to most, it allows a greater ability to accept the flaws in others.

Absolutely! People project their insecurities onto others all the time. They don’t have the brains (or b*lls) to own up to disliking the person staring back at them in the mirror, so they make everyone around them the target of how they really feel inside themselves.

G/Q

@Coloma what a great idea. That would be a very worthwhile learning experience!

@aprilsimnel
@MrsDufresne

I don’t dislike myself. Never have. Sure, there are times when I regret my actions or thoughts. I readily acknowledge my faults. But I learned very early that I had better learn to accept myself for better or for worse, because I have to live with myself for my entire life. There’s no one who knows me better, no one who I depend upon more, no one who I spend more quality time with than myself. I’m my best friend. I see where I go wrong, and I strive to further perfect myself. I never understood the notion of hating yourself, because you’re the only one who can change you. I try to modify my character so that I like who I am.

I don’t doubt that some people behave in those ways. But I sure as hell doubt that what you said is universally true, and I know it’s not the case with me. Believe it or not, it’s quite possible to dislike people without disliking yourself.

@le_inferno well said!

I’m pretty sure everyone judges, even if they like to think they don’t. It doesn’t mean it has to be bad. I’m pretty sure judgment is normal human behaviour, as it helps us seize up and evaluate a situation or person, like a scanner, whether that’s based on intuition or experience. Whether that’s wrong or not I can’t say, but I think it does become bad when you act on that judgment without any confirmation beyond your perception of the judgment. But all our decisions and shit come from some form of rationalization or another, even if it’s mostly based on emotive factor.
That said, if I’m wrong and judgment is an anomaly in mankind, I have no idea if those who do it are any happier or miserable than everyone else.
I’m thinking that the self projection effect does indeed hint at insecurity and sorrow, which blasts away everything I just said, unless psychology might suggest that there are several legitimate levels of degree in human behaviour.