How to deal with a nosy and controlling work friend?

I was annoyed reading this. Until I got to the part about her telling you how to wear your hair, and now I’m just angry. I know this may be diffcult, especially in a work setting, but you need to assert yourself. This girl obviously has issues with control, which you did state. The problem is that people can’t bend for her, and that means you, too. If you decide where you’re going for lunch.. then you stick with that. If she wants to argue, you should tell her that she is welcome to join you where you’re going, but otherwise you’ll go without her. Don’t reward her bad behaviour by doing what she wants. That only makes her more likely to do the same thing to you again repeatedly. It is NOT you, it is definitely her.

Tell her to mind her own business,ignore her or better yet, ask her why she wants to know…if you’re in the mood for entertainment. ;)

Stab her in the neck.

@had a lady in our office that did the same thing! Just totally ignore her! Silence Is Golden! Saying nothing is a great intimidator!

Always ask her why each and every time she asks a question. She will soon get fed up with pestering you, and perhaps move on to someone else.

She’s no friend, but a work colleague, at best.

But just for a second, put yourself in her shoes. Why would someone act like this? Most likely because they’ve got personal issues. People put out what is inside them. Sometimes, as you’re seeing, it ain’t pretty. You can show true compassion, which is not the same as pity, and also doesn’t mean that you can’t tell her “no” for lunch dates, or smile and say, “I’ll be wearing my hair the way God gave it to me, thanks,” or “I don’t have to answer that question, and I think you know that.”

You don’t have to like her, answer her questions, straighten your hair, go with her to lunch or anything like that, but however you choose to stand up for yourself, be kind. People like her are trying very hard to not look at their own problems.

Her behaviour has nothing to do with you.

Stabbing might lead to personal consequences. Shove her into the elevator shaft.

I hope you are not feeling intimidated by this co-worker. She needs to be told just where to get off and you need to learn how to tell her so with diplomacy. Do not avoid talking to her about how you feel and make it plain that sometimes she can be annoying and offensive. Office friendships should be just that—if that is what you prefer. Also, I’m almost reading into some of these scenario’s, Missy might have a bit of a superiority complex.

Also, if you do decide to make your feelings known, be sure its one on one away from the job, as things might get a little heated. We don’t need no stinkin’ witnesses;-)

I agree with @lucillelucillelucille ! To most of her questions inquire, “Why do you ask?”

That should handle the nosey questions.

To her questions which are meant more as statements (rhetorical), resist her pressure and do what you want and allow her to join you, if it pleases you to do so.

Use her butthole as a makeshift pencil sharpener, she should then get the point & it may even draw a better attitude from her.Ya never know.

You’ve made a list of this? How do you have the energy?

Oh no! I’ve had to deal with people like this in the past. It’s draining to say the least. It’s everything to do with her and her own issues. However, I think it’s important that you assert yourself moer around her. She sounds quite pushy. Show her that it’s not okay to treat you in any manner, other than a respectful one.
As for comments about your hair, well I wouldn’t hold back there. I’d let her know that it’s entirely your choice what you do or don’t do with your hair. Oh my, she sounds like a piece of work
I hope the situation changes and the energy improves in the near future
Good luck :)

I’d start to answer her inquiries with the either a pointed question in return or the most random and outlandish things I could come up with.

1. What does my boyfriend earn? He’s earned my respect that his private business is just that…private.
2. Where are the people from the office? I don’t know, I thought it was your day to watch them.
3.Where should you go for lunch? Oh, I don’t know why don’t you choose like you normally do?
4.When she labels people as boring because they are quiet. They may be boring or they may be plotting revenge against the chatty cathys/big mouth bettys of the world.
5.My life is so boring! Look at the bright side, it gives you plenty of time to be all up in everybody else’s lives.
6.When she questions you/or someone about their private lives. “Thank you for your interest but I already have a biographer writing my life story.”
7.Calling you and your friend antisocial. We’re not antisocial…an antisocial person is someone who has a tendency to violate the boundaries and rights of others and has an inability to tolerate boredom. You know anybody like that??? Huh? Huh? Do ya????
8. She used you as a shield to avoid answering personal questions about her illness. “No, I don’t want to go to lunch with you. I did it that one time when you were recovering from chlamydia and that was enough for me.”best said loudly in a crowded area
9. Invited to your wedding? Of course you are! And your bridesmaid dress is $1,500.00..upfront, cash if you please!
11. Straighten your hair. “okay, I’ll straighten my hair when you get rid of your mustache. Deal?”

You get the idea….do enough of this and she will run the other direction when she see’s you coming.

When you get really fed up with it you’ll tell her gently but firmly to mind her own business and have a little respect for your personal boundaries.

I have a similar co worker and when I’m fed up then I pretend to be absent minded, not understand, not know what’s going on or not hear him right the first time so I can say with flat voice, “excuse me, what was that?”. He gets annoyed and leaves me alone. Trust me, these people know they are prying and pushing the envelope but they’re used to getting their way and will keep on as long as people fill in their own boredom.