If you're in a sex-less relationship, is hooking up with a former sex partner OK for meaningless sex?

If this is a personnel matter, you should turn it over to Human Resources.

No sex is meaningless. You are being as intimate as it is possible to be with someone, sharing fluid and breath and spirit.

What is okay in your relationship is determined by you and your girlfriend. Some couples would be okay with it while others would not. What things are you finding that make you think she is meeting up with other guys for sex? Have you talked to her about it? Have the two of you discussed the boundaries in your relationship (as in what you each consider cheating and what is and isn’t appropriate in the relationship)?

In my relationship, it is not okay for my husband or me to go have sex with anyone else. That is something we agreed to and we will stick to, even when we aren’t able to have sex with each other.

None of us can answer this question. You need to talk to your girlfriend.

Sounds like a great excuse to me. I’ll have to remember that.

No, it is not ok.

Ok for whom?

The obvious first step is to have a discussion with her (or three of four or more)

Nothing will be solved unless the two of you can communicate honestly and clearly with each other.

If you can’t do that then why be in a relationship at all ?

Communication is the lifeblood of a relationship.

Why don’t you just ask her??

The only thing that matters is whether or not you think it’s okay.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir is right. If you think it’s okay, by all means. If not, you need to have a talk.

I’m just wondering what things someone could leave lying around suggesting that (1) sex is happening (2) the sex is meaningless and (3) it is going on with a specific person?

If it was okay with you, it would be okay. It doesn’t seem to be, so then it’s not.

The 2 things that worry me about this question are that:
a.) You are making an assumption..
b.) She may be lying to you.

Talk to her about your concern.

@dpworkin and @Trillian – I bow down to you both, what brilliant answers!

If you can’t talk to her about THIS, what in this world CAN you talk with her about that matters?

If you two have agreed to be exclusive to each other then no, it’s not okay for her to be having stuff on the down low. The fact you two haven’t had sex yet together shouldn’t make a difference in how she respects your relationship terms.

@ZEPHYRA While you’re down there….~

@dpworkin You made my day with your answer!! LOL

@dpworkin Your answer made me laugh my socks off. I needed it, so thanks :)

@Trillian Has @dpworkin thanked you?

@MissA Um…no. Thanked me for what?

@Trillian Something gets lost when one has to explain…
It was your answer to @ZEPHYRA.

Thanks everyone. I’m going to address this with her and see if she really is doing this behind my back. i could simply be misinterpreting everything so i’m really keeping my fingers crossed. I’ll post what happens

Thanks and good luck. It’s really difficult to get up the courage to address a situation, particularly if it might be wrong. The peace of mind is worth it.

Only hook up for meaningless sex with exes…if the ex is George Clooney. Problem solved.

I talked to her. She accused me of going through her stuff. She gave me explanations for most of what i found, all of which are feasible, but unlikely. I’m scared i’m just allowing my paranoia to get to me at this point because i am still very scared. At this point i’m really just looking to be happy, so i’m going to disregard these things unless they come up again, and play it off as my mind playing tricks on me.

@iRemy_y What exactly did you find that made you suspicious and what did she say about those things? I understand you wanting to ignore it so that you can be happy, but majority of the time, it’s best to listen to your gut. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, there probably is something wrong.

@Seaofclouds is right, listen to your gut, my own has rarely been far off target and when I’ve tried to “disregard” and just focus on the shiny happy surface things then it’s been me who got played.

@iRemy_y Ok, well, I guess we’ll all be here to answer your next question the next time you find out some more unpalatable things. Have fun with that.