(nsfw) How to deal with a guy who is kind of obsessed with losing his virginity?

Dump him. You’ve told him he’s doing something you’re not comfortable with, he’s ignoring your discomfort. He’s pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do. He does not care about you or how you feel. He wants use of your vagina and nothing more. He is not worth your time. Dump him. Dump him now.

Tell him it is not appropriate to discuss sex at work, and if he doesn’t cut it out, you will be forced to tell the boss.

Do not listen.

If he starts to talk about it, get up and leave.

He is just pressuring you.

Get away from him, pressuring someone to lose their virginity is not cool.

You are not required to talk about or do anything you don’t want to do with him, or anyone else. Should he bring the subject up with you again, say, “I will not discuss this.” And mean it! Then walk away. He’s pressuring you because, somehow, you are coming off as timid and he thinks he can wear you down. If he persists, then yes, tell your supervisor.

As @marinelife is saying, it’s not appropriate to discuss sex at work. Let him know in no uncertain terms that he cannot talk to you about this stuff.

Since you mentioned that you already told him that you feel uncomfortable talking to him about it, and since threats may lead to an even worse relationship, I would instead play on his emotions:

Tell him that what he’s been doing is really immature and unattractive.

Walk to the nearest mirror and look into it and ask yourself if you respect the person looking back. Then say you do, look him in the eyes, and tell him if he has any respect for you as a person he’ll back off on the issue. If he doesn’t dump him.

He’s not even your boyfriend but you already consider to commit sex with him. I think if he’s your boyfriend and you really like him or if you both love each other and ready for the consequences then whether or not you should do sex with him is the matter of your choice.

I sense this guy is blowing smoke your way. by this, i mean he probably lost his virginity a long time along and this is just a bull___ line, just to get you in the sack. if he is really interested in you for you, then he will ask you out for a regular date. talking sex straight out with an almost stranger is strange. i suspect there is more to this guy than you have discovered. ask his friends about his behavior. his male friends will have answers you are seeking.

What an ass.

It’s also possible he’s not actually a virgin, but just wants to take your virginity.

Sex means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. For some, it’s to show a powerful, shared emotional connection. For others, it’s simply because it feels amazing and there’s no emotional component whatsoever. Neither way is right or wrong, it just depends on what works for the individual. Personally, there’s no way I could sleep with someone I have no emotional connection to.

So in my opinion, if this is just a guy, “who [you] get along with pretty well,” that’s not the time to lose your virginity. You need to be really blunt with him, that’s the only way to do it. Don’t beat around the bush. Five words, “I won’t sleep with you.” If he laughs, make sure he understands you’re serious. NEVER, EVER have sex unless you are comfortable. That is when regret kicks in later. You need to be ready for you, not for someone else.

Well I would recommend trying masturbation, lol… but thats a whole different topic.

Tell him again firmly that you don’t want to do it, and you don’t like that he’s trying to pressure you at all, and that if he continues you’ll stop talking to him entirely and possibly pursue help in getting him to leave you alone.

If that doesn’t send the message, then do those things.

Why hang around some guy that wants to use you as a masturbatory receptacle and nothing more. Tell him to pound sand and never bring up the subject again! IMO that first time should be with someone you yourself would want to be with at that right time not as some convenient let’s get it over with to just get it over with.

@Doctor_D : Since when did I consider it?

@Cruiser : Its not like I hang around him out of my own free will. He didn’t used to do it, but…

Tell him that if he mentions that again,you don’t want to be friends,then follow through if he does it.

Do what you are comfortable with. Which sounds like not having sex with him. You don’t even like him all that much.

Second, it is totally inappropriate for him to be making sexual advances to you at work. It’s called sexual harassment and employers are supposed to protect you from that kind of thing.

I don’t know how big your employer is, but if they are big enough to have an HR department, then report it there. They should take care of it.

If it’s a small company and your boss seems to be on the right side of such things, you could report it to your boss. If your boss would laugh it off, then you’ll have to handle it yourself.

Tell the boy that you do not want to hear any sex talk again. Say it very firmly. Tell him it disturbs you and makes your work very unpleasant. Stop laughing at his talk if you have been laughing at it in the past. Don’t threaten the first time, but if it continues, you might consider telling him you will report him to HR if this happens again.

You don’t need to put up with this, and you have a right to have it stop. You can try to take care of it on your own, and if that doesn’t work, get help.

@halal_ious Please reconcile these two statements:

“There’s this guy that I work with who I get along with pretty well, and we’ve gone out a few times to get coffee and whatever”

“Its not like I hang around him out of my own free will”

Is he dragging you to the coffee shop kicking and screaming?

Tell him the whole sex talk thing makes you uncomfortable and is straining your interest in whatever friendship or acquaintance you have with him. Tell him you’ll probably get the feeling in time when you want to give up your own virginity and who with. Tell him it’s not about him.

If you’ve waiting this long to have sex, why on earth would it be with someone you don’t even care all that much about? He doesn’t care at all about you, he just wants a place to put his “heat seeking missle” and then he will move on, laugh about how gullible you were to his pals, and work on another virgin. As the others have said, tell him to stop talking to you about sex or you will report him and I would just stop talking to him about anything other than business. I would not go out for coffee or whatever you have been doing with him after work again. (How does one bring up masterbation over coffee? Pass me the sugar, so want to watch me masterbate?)

Tell him to stop and if he doesn’t, report him for sexual harassment (usually HR handles those complaints). You’ve already told him you are uncomfortable. If he will not respect you enough to stop on his own, take it to the next level.

Sweatheart this kind of behaviour is completely inappropriate, and actually very creepy. Honey you have to be careful. Have you told anyone at all? A friend? or maybe your Mum or Dad? Believe it or not, a girl’s Dad/uncle/brother/guy pal can be her best resourse in this kind of situation, he’d make sure you weren’t bothered again for sure. Either way, you need to make sure that you tell someone ok? and then avoid being on your own with him. Tell him you won’t have coffee with him again because he’s made you feel uncomfortable and as other jellies have said above, if he speaks to you again after that, you need to try to tell someone at work, get them on your side, so that you’re not dealing with this on your own.

Honey, I don’t know what to say, I was terribly gullable when i was 18, trusted people far too much but I’m so, so glad that I waited till I met the man I knew was the right one for me and I am still with him nearly 30 years later. Wait till you met the right one honey, you’ll be so glad you did. This guy sounds like a real low life. A real man, a decent one, wouldn’t talk to a lady (and thats what you are sweetheart) in that manner. You don’t have to put up with it. Just remember to stay safe, do you have a girlfriend you can have lunch with? safety in numbers honey and creepy guys work best when they manage to isolate their victim. I wish I was there for you I’d see him on his way, but thinking about it, back when I was your age I don’t think I could have. Life lessons are harsh at the time but you learn from them. Learn from this one honey and stay away from guys who get too personal too fast.
hugs honey xx

Uh, weirdo much?

I’d tell him to feel free to lose my number, and possibly direct him to your town’s closest red-light district, so he can get it over with and leave you the frak alone about it.

@MrItty – I don’t think that you’re helping very much… that would just make her feel worse.

And I’d just tell him again, and then if that doesn’t work, get some more authority to back you up. (:

@troubleinharlem excuse me? What would make her feel worse? I’m trying to understand the situation, because she’s now given two very different descriptions of the situation. First she said she was voluntarily going out with him, that she liked him, just didn’t like the things he was saying. Then later she claimed she wasn’t spending time with him voluntarily.

The reality of the situation dictates how she should be responding. If she’s going out with him, spending her free time with him, the answer is obvious – STOP DOING THAT. If she’s not, if she sees him only at work, and he’s harassing her at work, it’s time to talk to the boss, to HR, and quite frankly to the police.

His persistent, unwanted sexual discussions at work constitute sexual harassment in the workplace. Warn him that if it happens even one more time, you will report it to your employer.

Keep your distance from him, he wants to use you.

@halal_ious If you really didn’t consider to do that you won’t ask this question. I believe you might just need justification for your decision. Letting people know something that is definitely wrong about this guy just lead people to bad mouthing this guy.

@Doctor_D : No offense, but you don’t know anything about me or why I asked this. So please stop judging me.

@MrItty : I only see him at work, now – I stopped since he started the whole subject. Thanks for believing in me.

Thank you @Dr_Lawrence, @Seek_Kolinahr, @bunnygrl, @Seaofclouds, @chyna, @troubleinharlem, etc. for the nonjudgemental answers.

Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders….try just outright telling him you like him as a friend ( or however you feel about him ) but you would like him to stop making everything about sex. If he doesnt respect that, he isnt much of a friend. Good luck!

You have to approach it like this. You obviously want to continue to be friends with this person, and that’s cool. But you have to tell him that if he continues his persuit in this way that you will have to end the friendship. and you must be prepared to do that. I don’t think he is obsessed with losing his virginity per-say, more so he wants You. put it together if he says it’s reserved for you. because if it were just his virginity that he was worried about then, he would have lost it by now. with someone else. Non-the-less, you have to be firm with this person and explain him how you feel. As I beleive you have. so the last step is to basically give him the ultimatum.

If he doesn’t take the hint, get a restraining order.