What is the key to make a relationship work?

No, that’s not right – I don’t get why people think there are these two distinct phases – one should always be passionate with and taken with/inspired by one’s partner. We should be ‘real’ from the beginning and our real selves are the selves others should fall in love with. I don’t know why perception isn’t a priority for some people but one can see a person’s flaws pretty early on and you make peace with them or communicate about them and it doesn’t take away from your relationship…but I guess that points to one of the keys that make a relationship work: open communication where both parties feel safe and heard and validated. Other keys include: shared goals for the future, respect and trust for one another and if you’re into that kind of thing, a good sex life/intimate physical connection.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir is correct. Communication is the key to making a relationship work. Honest, caring communication.

I think we could see our girl-/boyfriend’s bad habits or characteristics, but we don’t (in the beginning) because we are blinded with (being in) love.
And even if we see them, we label them as being cute and adorable and clumsy.
Well, i do.

Besides love, of course: openness, trust, respect and balance of power.

I’ve given this lots of thought over the years and besides the obvious, that being love, being good friends is at the top of my list!

I agree with BoBo. Treat each other as you would a good friend and the relationship just falls into place.

@Aster GA for you my friend! First time today someone agreed with me!

thanks, BOO BOO ! Tune in tonight and you’ll have some GA’s I suspect.

@Aster LOLL…should have named myself BooBoo!

It’s easy to lose the intimate connection with a partner. It takes active work to maintain that connection. You need to continue to have fun together. You need to solve problems together with humor. You need to not be afraid the other person is going to ditch you when things get bad.

Yes, communication is crucial, but knowing what things you need to do, and where the danger signs lie is also very important. I believe that the number of damaged/sullen relationships out there is astonishingly high. I believe that happy, intimate relationships are the minority. I mean, half of all marriages end in divorce, and of the remaining marriages, so many people stay in them and suffer because they are afraid of divorce.

The key is being willing to work on the relationship, preferably before things start getting really bad. The key is being willing to get help, preferably from a trained marriage counselor. The key is talking and being open, and listening to each other with out being defensive. So many keys. So little time.

Oh yeah. I learned this the hard way, and I’m still making mistakes.

I think the fact that you’re (general you, not actually pointing at you) just finding out bad characteristics after the honeymoon is the first problem. I feel like marriage should come after a couple has been together for a long time (some years) and has been able to live together. Taking someone as your husband or wife is a big decision and I think you should be comfortable with the ups and downs of a person before making that decision. Yes, there are always unexpected reactions to things but in general, before marriage, you should know if you can the SO’s living habits, if you two agree on career paths, if you agree on babies, if you agree about the major things.

Past that, communication, ability to be with the person 24/7 if necessary (i include the friendship thing in here), and trust. The spark and love parts are important too but remember that sometimes those two fade or need to be reignited due to outside circumstances (like work schedules, etc).

communication, honesty, realism, nobody’s perfect

@Simone_De_Beauvoir‘s answer is excellent.

I would add that relationships require consistent effort and attention to all the little things that keep it healthy and growing. I requires that both parties work on that relationship on a regular basis.

Respect, tolerance, communication.

What happens with the traits in yourself that you don’t like? You tolerate them or change.

Haha I’m not an expert after Honey-moons,but I guess I can give this a shot. In my opinion I think that you always want to have honesty with each other no secrets what so ever, Respect, without it you might as well forget about, you always want to listen to each other. It shows that you care for each other and that you’re not tired to listen to each other in a day. People break these things, but often forgive each other later on, but just keep the main three in mind.

No Idea! :-/

Mutual respect and common goals. Physical attraction casued the release of pheromones and other chemicals that cause intense feelings of attraction that is sexual in nature. After about six months, that stops happening, and if you have nothing else the relationship will inevetably fall apart.

thanks for all of your replies
ps: I meant “honeymoon” as in first months of being very much in love in a relationship, not an actual marriage honey moon

@mary84 : Ohhhhhhh haha thanks for the little thing you said about the honey-moon. Explains a lot lol.

Accepting and dealing with imperfections.

It’s crucial that neither partner be what I’ll call a “difficult personality.” I mean, let’s face it: there are some people who can’t be tolerated. They must live alone on another planet. If you have two relatively stable people that like each other you can make it through. Or better.

@Aster LOL “there are some people who can’t be tolerated. They must live alone on another planet”. LOL GA and a mountain of hugs honey, I know a few people like that and two of them are married, to each other. That is NOT a fun household, thank God they decided against kids years ago.

I’ve been going GA crazy in this thread because there areso many wonderful answers above. I always say when asked by folk that I married my best pal, and its true, but yes there has to be a certain physical attraction too, as well as a meeting of minds with regard to morals and ethics. Sometimes its best not to analyse it too much, just be happy that you love the person you’ve chosen to share your life with, and if they love you right back there is no feeling on earth like it.
hugs all xx
ps: a friend at work recently asked me what I was thinking about, “whatever it is it must be lovely because you’ve been smiling to yourself like the cat that got the cream”. I had been thinking about my hubby and you know what, I did get the cream purrrrrrrrr….. :-)

Communication definitely. Keeping the spark going and making sure you learn about someone on a deeper level is what makes it work
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