How would you have handled your child in a situation like this?

I would have spanked him and told him to get in the house. I wouldn’t have cursed at him tho. I wouldn’t put this past my nearly 8 year old son…that’s why we keep their fireworks hidden and only let them use them under our supervision!

Okay, so I’m not into beating/spanking my kids for any reason so I wouldn’t do that. We don’t have a car either so it’s hard to imagine but let’s say they set that off in the room. I’m assuming my kid’s 9 here and hangs out with friends after school or something at our place or goes to park- no hanging out with friends for a couple of days.

I would have had a long talk about proper places for smoke bombs and fireworks and the what could have happened differently. I always explain why I am upset or disappointed to my son and then determine a punishment once I am more calm. Usually talking about it gives me a chance to calm down. I definitely would have told him to get his butt in the house right that minute. Then once the smoke was clear, if there was anything in the van that needed to be cleaned up, my son would have been the one doing the cleaning.

I think I’d be more panicked because he could have hurt himself. I’d certainly march him into the house for a start.

Screaming? Oh, no. I’d bend down to look him in the face and ask quietly, “What did you just do to our van? Explain yourself.” in Mom Voice™. And then I’d just look at him. While he came up with an explanation for his behaviour, I’d be calculating how many days to dock his allowance, ground him (no telly, video games or DVDs) and deciding what extra chores he’s going to do.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Well, no. It was in a car. What if he’d done it while you were, say, on the highway, doing 70? :)

@Seaofclouds Absolutely getting calm before you react is SO important! If you’re still pissed to the max 30 minutes later, then they deserve that spanking or whatever!

These days I see a lot of parents cursing and yelling at their kids regardless where they are. I would only admonish my children at home, be it a spanking or yelling (never cursing). That way I could do it my way without prying eyes.

And yes, that kid ^ needed some serious discipline but not to the extent of being embarrassed in front of his peer and neighbors.

@aprilsimnel You got the “mom-look” and the “mom-voice” down? That is the biggest weapon of ALL!! You GO!! (It works wonders in the class room too!)
And yeah. I would have been saying “Get your butt in the house NOW too!” But I wouldn’t have said “a**...”

@Val123 Well, I’d stop the car the first chance I get – until then I’d scream my head off.

I can’t imagine the 9 year old purchased the smoke bombs himself?

I’ve never cursed at my children (Well, once. When my oldest was 16. It didn’t help the situation at all.) But yelling, yes. Revoking privileges, yes. That would probably rate mom and other kids going to whatever was planned for the 4th, Dad and son staying home, at least long enough for him to feel bad about what he did and the consequences to register.

That being said, when my husband was nine, he accidentally threw a firecracker down the back of his father’s shirt, where it went off. (His father happened to be the one to buy said firecrackers for husband and cousins.) The son of our Director of Religious Education at the church I used to belong to received a magnifying glass as a present for his 9th birthday. He promptly brought it to school, gathered up dry leaves and grass, and set the soccer field next to the school on fire, using the magnifying glass to start the fire.

After the initial panic, I’d march the kid inside for a serious discussion. He’d certainly be grounded, and would have to do extra chores every day until he “earned” enough money to pay to have the car detailed and/or repaired of any damage. I’d also make him write an essay detailing why setting off a smoke bomb in the car is dangerous. Just because having to write something like that would be torture for my kids. We don’t spank or swear at our kids.

Then I’d sit down and think about a) where my kid got the smoke bomb and b) where he got the means to light it. If from a friend, that friend’s parents would be getting a phone call. If at home, I’d have to seriously think about what my kids have access to.

Then I’d privately laugh about it for years.

There is general agreement in the field of Child Behavior, after many, many controlled and peer reviewed studies, that physicality, even a spanking, is not useful. That is an Authoritarian method of parenting (My way or the highway.)

Permissive parenting is nearly as bad – the kid interprets the permissiveness as neglect. Kids need rules and limits in order to feel cared for.

Authoritative parenting has the best outcomes, empirically. This is when there are reasonable rules, no corporal punishment, no name-calling or emotional abuse, but strict, immediate, contingent, unavoidable and rational consequences when there is an infraction.

(That being said, a spanking isn’t abusive – not an open handed slap on the butt, anyway, and some parents feel that it works for them. I make no judgment, but the reports do say that it is not effective.)

I don’t do spanking – my first reaction is to be horrified and let them know by my actions that whay they did was very dangerous ”Is everyone OK? Shall we call the fire department?” in a very scared voice. Then “We have a mess to clean up here – what do you suggest we do first?”
Finally, “Since you can’t use the fireworks correctly, you will not be allowed to participate later.”

I guess I am the only one that sees some humor in the situation….I wouldn’t be pleased but doubt that the smoke could really harm the car, maybe smell like sulphur for a few days.

I would be more concerned about the childs potential of catching the entire car on fire or burning themsleves.

Of course there might have been a driving hazard, distraction and that could have had more serious consequences.

All in all though…smoke bombs…you gotta admit that might be a hard to resist moment for a vibrant and wiley 9 year old in many ways. lol

He obviously was smart enough to choose a relatively harmless firework for his mischeif.

Of course, bear in mind this is coming from a woman that spent 2 weeks lighting mortars and other wild pyromaniacal fireworks during chinese new year in asia last Feb. Iol

@Coloma You have the most interesting life! I just wonder where the parents were in this situation. I hide my fireworks in the house better than I hide Christmas presents. The last thing I want to wake up to is my son trying to light a Roman Candle in the TV room or something.

@knitfroggy

Haha..when my daughter was about that age we lived in the mountains, same county I am in now with strict prohibitions on fireworks due to the forest fire dangers.

My daughter Emily and her best friend Mallory had never had the opportunity to set off their own fireworks in a neighborhood scene as I did as a child.

Soooo..I went to the city, bought scads of fun stuff and cleared out the garage and closed the door. The kids got to play with sparklers and all sorts of exciting things…with intermettant breaks to air out the garge before the next go round. lol

@Coloma Oh my! My firebug husband just lit a Roman Candle and stood at the backdoor watching it. It made the whole room smell of sulphur! I really don’t think you’re supposed to hold those things…especially while you’re in you’re boxer shorts in the house.

@knitfroggy

Haha yeah, might be a hazard to his personal ‘Roman Candle’.
Come on baby light my fire…lol

@Coloma Roman Candle is a really generous description! :P

@knitfroggy
OH you are killing me now…. ;-)

@Coloma My husband would kill me if he knew I posted that! hahaha! :)

@knitfroggy

Mums the word! lol

too funny…...

I don’t have a child yet but all child from family are well disciplined and will never do such thing. But if I’m in that situation then my tactic is to make a melodramatic situation like this:
(If I’m the mom) XXX why you did such thing to me?(with teary eyes) have we done something bad to you?,you know you can also talk to me if you have a problem,I’ll always help you and you know that <snif snif>. so let us go inside and talk about this,okay? I promise I won’t tell other people about this and I’ll explain the situation. But promise me you would be a good guy,OK? That my lovely honey! <KISS KISS>.

The Smoke Bomb Kid, 30 years from now.

@Doctor_D

Aaaak….with that kind of guilt tripping and manipulation you are going to have one neurotic kid. lol

@Coloma How come? My family used to do such thing to me when I was a child. I guess it depends on each child.

@Coloma I thought it was hilarious too! Of course, it happened to someone else!

@dpworkin Well, spankins worked for me. So well that by the time they got to about 7 years old, all I had to quietly say was “Stop that or you’ll get a spankin.” And they stopped.

@Doctor_D

It depends on how you felt being treated that way as a child yourself.

If you feel unhappy at the way you were parented then you get the chance to do things differently with your own child.

Phony tears and making a child feel like thay have personally hurt YOU is a very manipulative way to handle a situation. The child did not do something ‘to you’...they just did it! haha

I think you’re half right…talk about things, let them know you love them no matter what they do, but don’t make them personally responsable for your feelings. They are not, nobody is.

I’ve been thinking about this question from the perspective of an 8 or 9 year old. The child more than likely didn’t say, “Hey! I want to do something really bad! I know! I’ll light off a smoke bomb in the car! Then my behavior will really embarrass my parents!”

More than likely it’s two 8 or 9 year old boys, with smoke bomb. One says to the other, “Do you think these things really make a lot of smoke?” The second one responds, “I think so. They did when my dad lit one last 4th of July.” The first one says, “Let’s light one and see.” Second one responds, “I’m not supposed to be lighting matches. If we light it, my dad will know I’ve been playing with matches and bust my butt.” First one responds, “Well then, let’s light one somewhere where he can’t see it. I know! Inside the minivan! They’ll never know.”

Sometimes it doesn’t take two boys; it takes one boy with curiosity. You have to punish the right thing, which in this case really is lighting matches or a lighter unsupervised. You can’t punish an 8 or 9 year old for not realizing that smoke is contained in a closed environment. At age 9, the way you learn that is by doing or seeing someone else do something equivalent that demonstrates that point. And you certainly don’t want to punish curiosity. We’d have no scientists if parents rewarded “I wonder what happens when you…” by smacking a child.

My answer depends on a number of things:
~under what conditions was the smoke bomb set off? while I was driving or after we parked? if while driving, was I on the highway or neighborhood road?
~kid’s intentions. trying to be a brat or doing it accidentally?

My mom spanked and cursed with us when we were young and it did its job. Yes, it took us until we were teenagers to fully appreciate our mom’s methods but my sister and i can’t deny that we turned out really well and love our mother for her decisions.

The hazards with the smoke bomb in such an enclosed space are obstruction of vision and breathing. He may have also hurt his hand or started a fire (depending on the type of smoke bomb). So, if we were just driving through the neighborhood and I was able to pull over immediately, it wouldn’t be too bad. I would know my kid’s personality. If he was doing it to be destructive, definitely would have gotten a “whoopin”. Did it to be silly… well, I’d be angry and would ground him with allowance removed. Did it accidentally… maybe ground him for the day for messing with the smoke bomb at all.

If we were on the highway… I’d have to let my husband handle it because I’d be too upset. I’m terrified of driving as it is and doing anything like that on the highway would nearly give me a heart attack. I’d pull over, air out the car, and be quiet until we got home, where I’d send him to his father.

I wouldn’t actively avoid cursing… I don’t use a number of curse words as it is and limit myself to the basics: damn, hell, ass. (I do use shit and fuck too but limitedly. Probably wouldn’t use as often with kids.) It would probably be along the lines of “What the hell happened?!.... Okay, get your ass in the house…”

And whenever I finally calmed down, I’d explain the possible dangers of what he did. And that that’s why he’s too young to play with them: he wouldn’t be able to handle the first aid required to play with them responsibly.

@PandoraBoxx You probably hit the nail on the head! The biggest issue is teaching the kid to think ahead! Consider the consequences of his actions. It took for_ever_ to get that into my son’s head! But he finally came around when he was about 12. Sort of. Well, he’s 23 now, and he’s still alive, anyway! Also, @PandoraBoxx I’m sure the kid didn’t buy them himself. That’s probably where they were coming back from, buying fireworks.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I sat on the deck last night creating a worse and worse scenario! Yeah, 70 mph on the highway AND an asthmatic two year old sister in the car seat next to him AND a little brother in the far back of the van who is prone to seizures whenever he gets startled or scared!! :)

Somebody give me a GA or something, PLEASE? I only have ONE POINT!!

Heh heh! I just gave myself a Great Answer! Heh heh! I’ll get Val123 to 20K yet!!