Do you know of any instances where a teenage boy got into a physical fight with his father, or physically challenged his father out of anger or frustration?

I finally punched my father in the face when I was 14, and that was the last time he ever put a hand on me in anger.

When my best friend was about 16, he punched his dad in the face, and his dad completely deserved it. His dad fought back, but my best friend ended up winning and it was the last time his dad ever hit him.

All my children (even my daughter) have outgrown me and could very likely kick my ass. That being said they don’t because they respect me. I’ve never been a corporal punishment guy. I think it does more harm than good.

I’ve known fathers who fight back and make themselves the child’s equal. I’ve known father’s who have remained the adult and held their son with gentleness until they have calmed. Then they have calmly listened to their sons and walked their child through their frustration. Guess which one earns my respect.

My two oldest brothers went at it with my father more than once. I vividly remember my oldest brother and my father moving through the house beating the crap out of each other. My dad would slam my brother’s head against the wall then my brother would throw him off with body blows. They would repeat the same process over and over – taking turns banging each other – until one was too exhausted to go on. To my memory it happened at least twice with both of my brothers.

My brother-in-law shot his father to death. He was 16 and had fallen in with the bad kids at school, and had somehow reasoned that if he made it look like a break-in, he’d get the insurance money to buy drugs. Of course, the insurance money was split between the dad’s new wife and the oldest son, who is the one I married. I don’t know if this counts as an altercation (since it was pretty one-sided), but it should count for something.

As a juvenile, he spent ten years in jail for manslaughter, and then got out. He was 100% different. He married a nice woman with four at-risk kids, so he could raise them up right and ended up being the best man at our wedding.

No one shoots his father in a vacuum, for something as prosaic as money. I guarantee that boy had been abused.

They were latch key kids, not given much in the way of attention, but while they largely raised themselves, that neglect was the closest thing they got to abuse. He turned to rebellion, drugs, and mayhem as an alternative, and the one I married turned into an introverted sci-fi geek who joined the Army to get out of there.

Neglect is certainly abuse.

@laureth – Holy Toledo!

My cousin lost a fight with my guardian/aunt when he was 16 (I was 14), and he started it with a few choice words for her after she “grounded” him from seeing his friends. For once, she was right, they were losers. She had used violence to keep us in line throughout our childhood, and while I submitted because she outweighed me by about 150 lbs., he’d had enough on that day. He went to slap her in the face and it was on. She beat the snot out of him – and he was about ~8 inches taller.

At one point, she threw him onto the living room wall, held him by the neck and gave him a solid left hook in the face. I had had no idea she was even capable of that or had had that kind of strength, and I simply had to leave the house and stay away for a while. The violence of it all really shook me up. She was fighting him, well, like a man, and gave him no quarter.

My son one day decided to break everything in the house. I had to beat him off the property with a 2×4. After he reached in the back of the jeep and hit me over the head with the first thing he could grab. Thank goodness it was an ice scraper and that the crowbar.

Needless to say he was a troubled child.

It is a horrible feeling to have to be put in that situation.

I wish parents were more consistently aware to the struggles and problems of their children. Both of my sons reached a point in their lives (around 11–14) where they felt the need to challenge the dominant male… that being me. There were many opportunities for physical encounters, yet I diverted them every time into something else.

I would ask them to help me move something, act like I could not carry it, and shower them with praise at my amazement of their strength and willingness to help. I’d follow it up by filling their minds with glorious tales of how proud I am that they would one day soon be the heads of the family. We consistently discuss the issues in their lives, and I let them know that no matter what, I am their for them.

We’ve never traded blows aside from lots of wrestling and physical combat training. I’ll get a pop in the jaw every once in a while, and I must admit it hurts pretty good. But they always say sorry, and I know it’s just part of the wrestling. I actually make a pretty big deal out of how much it hurts me because I want them to be very aware of the damage they can do. I want them to feel the champion inside of them. I will loose the fight just to ensure that happens.

When my father was (once again) in an alcoholic rage and about to throw the room separator at my mother and me, my brother fought him to protect us.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir @ChazMaz

I can’t imagine. I’m sorry that you had to deal with those issues. I just can’t imagine. I’m glad you did what had to be done. I hope there is reconciliation and peace to the end of your story.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Not much. My brother passed away shortly thereafter and my father caused me much more grief until his passing last year.

My guess is very few teenage boys don’t challenge their dads at some point, just about all I’ve known have. When my brothers and cousins did then it was a one time deal, they talked it out and grew better from there.

Some sons do it symbolically, like finally beating the old man at a game of tennis or chess or whatever might be their battlefield of choice. Some reach the point where they have to take away the car keys and the checkbook for Dad’s own good.

Some never have to engage in a direct struggle. Instead the baton of power passes quietly and respectfully. That’s the transition I’ve witnessed the most.

Not only do I let them know that I’m there for them, but I also let them know how proud I am and important it is that they are there for me.

We must, as parents, build character into our children.

I have three sons and with all of them at some point during puberty they have beat their chest at their father, and dad beats his back. There is lots of posturing and fighting words and sometimes a grab or a shove.Thankfully it has never come to blows.
I think it’s a natural thing, it could be handled better or worse, but it seems that there can only be one man of the house, and the alpha male has to let the pups know that it’s not them.
Testosterone, isn’t that what it’s all about?

I’ll give testosterone a great deal of the credit. But sometimes being the Man of the House means that you are sensitive and considerate as to why the pups are beating their chests.

There may be other issues at play.

I agree @RealEyesRealizeRealLies , it upsets me when I see them challenge each other.
I would much rather have their father handle their, growing into manhood issues, the way you describe, but that isn’t happening very often around here.

I had an exboyfriend who was annoyed with something his father said and kicked him in the shin! He was 26 at the time Can you believe it? I don’t think his father was every violent, his dad did not react violently. My boyfriend just had a serious problem.

The OP’s story just reinfroces to me that corporal punishment is a bad idea.

The OP’s story just reinfroces to me that corporal punishment is a bad idea.

Same. Violence begets more violence.

I personally have never heard of anything like this happening to anyone I knew. I’ve yelled at my dad in anger before, but that’s about it, and that only happened like once in my whole life. No one in my family is very physical.

my ex has always pushed and hit our kids- my daughter lives with me now but my son elected to stay with his dad. He told me that he is bigger and stronger than his dad now, so his dad leaves him alone.

I have seen many altercations with fathers and son’s but I also have been in one with my own father when I was 15years old. I however deserved what I got. My mouth ran and I was harassing my sister to the point of being mean and he slapped me across the face. That was the last of that for both of us. I come from an upper class family, no drinking or drugs.

@addictionsfb, “no drinking or drugs”—I sure got a different impression from your username, then.

When I was in high school, my father would get extremely angry at me for a wide variety of reasons, and sometimes wound up using his fists on me. I never tired to defend myself, but just let him vent his anger on me. I joined the Army and wound up in counterinsurgency operations where I was trained pretty well in hand to hand combat, among a lot of other things.

When I came back home after two years in Vietnam, my father predictably got angry at me shortly after I got home. When he stood up to come at me, I stood up too, and in a very calm voice said, “You don’t want to do this. You really don’t.. I definitely do not want to hurt you.” He looked at me for a moment, then sat back down, and was silent for a long time. Finally he looked at me and said, “You wanna go for a beer?”

It was the last time he ever threatened me with any sort of violence.

How about a teenage girl?

My mother slapped me across the face when I was 14. I opened my mouth, and the wires on my braces caught her hand. The cuts got infected, and she had to go to the doctor and get penicillin. One of my friend’s father was her doctor, so he knew what happened. She never slapped me on the face again. She used to throw canned goods at us, until my sister learned to duck, and my mom broke the kitchen window with a can of peas in the dead of winter.

Several of my daughter’s friends have hit their fathers, all of them were from “spare the rod, spoil the child” households.

I’ve almost been there. My father and I have gotten to the point of being face to face with each other and yelling, “FUCK YOU” back and forth and shoving each other. My father and I still will argue, but it never escalates into anything close to what it used to.

To the “Violence begets more violence” idea:
My parents never hit me, but I was a very angry youth growing up. It started to chill out when puberty hit, though. The rage is still there, but I lash out with insults and mean jokes instead of fists now.

It was not in anger, rather teaching me to fight which turned out to be very useful. My father started teaching me to fight when I was 8. I had two options: 1) lie about what I am (my ethnicity), to pass for something else, 2) tell the truth, learn to fight, how to avoid fights, etc.

He started my training when I was 8. It served me very well over the years, me going into the martial arts when I was barely 18.

The last time I sparred with my father was when I was 17, heading towards 18. I finally beat him in a fair sparring match. We walked down from the hill behind our house, me very sad because I knew he was going to die soon. He did.

I come from an upper class family, no drinking or drugs.

@addictionsfb, you’ve obviously never seen Traffic by Stephen Gaghan. That’s the day school crowd in my town.

My grandfather punched out his father when he was 13. I don’t know that he ever saw him again after that as he died in the war when he was 18.

No boy should ever hit his father.