What will I do in my Wal-Mart orientation?

You will sign papers that allow Wal-Mart to take out life insurance on you that pays Wal-Mart money if you die while employed by them! This is a fact.

In addition, you will be taught how to act while at work and will be trained to recite chants that build team strength.

They’re going to reach deep, deep down into your throat and remove whatever that part of you that makes you decent. They’ll sacrifice it to the Sleeping God so that we may revel and be free once again… Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!

… or maybe they’ll tell you what the job entails in terms of hours, wages, expectations, attire and behavior.

Hah, Loveccraft. Anyway, that’s what I’m guessing will happen. Has to be a cult, right? Anyone know if I will get paid for it? It’s from 9 AM to 5 PM.

You will get paid for the orientation.

@johnpowell sounds like the only good thing about it.
@Dr_Lawrence really, life insurance that pays THEM? for what? for the rest of the workday after you croak?

You will also get paperwork that they call benefits, but really it is instructing you how to apply and get welfare, public assistance and food stamps. Walmart’s success came about because they catered to the poor but there is a problem with that business model and that is, it needs to create more poverty to grow, therefore creating bad jobs world wide.

There might be a video on the history and glory of Wally World and their aims of customer service. How to lift with your legs…...
Congrats on the job!!

Little is known about the Wal-Mart assimilation technique prior to 2006. Observations since that time demonstrated that the Wal-MArt assimilated an individual by projecting a pair of assimilation tubules into the victim’s neck, injecting nanoprobes into the bloodstream that began connecting the new drone to the hive mind. This was accomplished the moment a Wal-Mart drone was within arm’s reach of the target

First, WalMart will teach you not to wish a customer Merry Christmas. it could cost you your job.

They will oppress you. They will rip you off. You will be, under pretext of public utility, and in the name of the general interest, placed under contribution, trained, ransomed, exploited, monopolized, extorted, squeezed, mystified, robbed; then, at the slightest resistance, the first word of complaint, be repressed, fined, despised, harassed, tracked, abused, clubbed, choked, imprisoned, shot, fired, judged, condemned, deported, sacrificed, sold, betrayed; and, to crown all, mocked, ridiculed, outraged, dishonoured.

I’m a card-carrying Wobbly (a member of the Industrial Workers of the World), and an official delegate with the power to sign new members. If you would like to have a go at unionizing your workplace, feel free to send me a private message and I can wave my magic wand and turn you into a Wobbly and (depending where you live) get you in contact with a Wobbly local which can cover your back and help you in unionizing.

@Drcpb Good luck with the new job. I’m not for or against Wal-Mart, but I do have an Aunt that started working at a Wal-mart as a cashier and is now a millionaire from them. It can also turn into something if you want it to. Good Luck!!!

Neither. She worked hard, showed ambition, invested in stock and got really, really, lucky.

I didn’t realize that there were any Wobblies still left.

Oh my god, I had a dream last night. A fucking nightmare. I was applying for a job at walmart.

Bad, right? No, it got worse. I went into the back room of the deserted store. A huge screen was set up in like a private cinema setup. The lights went out and the film started up. I do not exaggerate when I say this might have been the worst nightmare I have ever had. It was like The Ring video, but so so much worse. Skinless horses giving birth to midgets. And that was the less scary part. It was like my brain got full permission to show the worst shit it could come up with because it was on the Walmart orientation video. Might tell you what I think about the place. I think Patrick Stewart was there…

I was going to post this on a recent question about nightmares asked by @Jeruba but found it too weird. It’s probably weirder posting it here, but fuck it. It’s too much of a coincidence. This is your warning: WALMART IS A GATEWAY TO HELL!

good luck at your new job

Walmart actually tends to reduce the problem of inflation because its low prices put pressure on other retailers to do the same. :-)

@ItsAHabit oh yeah reduce inflation also by putting small businesses out of business…they walk into a small town and devour alot of businesses in that small town, Walmart is akin to Galactus devourer of Worlds

They will show you how to take a picture without being detected to catch the people of wal-mart in their finest.

I would be willing to bet that general stores, dry good stores, hardware stores and other retailers were very unhappy when Sears Roebuck began selling nation-wide through mail (and freight) order practically everything: clothes, tools, farm machinery and even pre-fabricated houses.

And I would bet that some local vocal residents were outraged that Sears was competing against local retailers and putting them out of business.

But ultimately, it was the consumer who benefitted from the wider selection of merchandise and lower prices.

Some people always oppose social and economic change. They opposed automobiles (they put many people out of work), unions (they would be too powerful), refrigerators (they put icemen out of work), and the list goes on. Currently a major villain is Walmart. This is understandable and to be expected. There is nothing new about it, only the target.

How about going to that Wal-Mart and asking some of the employees?

@ItsAHabit – and Wal*Mart supporters fuss when people want more local business, better working conditions, corporate responsibility, unions, and the like. This is understandable and to be expected… ;)

I never hear from Wal-Mart supporters. One would think they don’t exist, yet the stores are filled with customers.

They are going to attempt to brain wash you into their way of thinking and even take out insurance so they benefit if you die. You should also learn to love the Chinese for granting you the opportunity to work for low wages and try not to feel guilty for the local merchants that will be driven out of business.

I also understand that Walmart could pay everyone that works there $1.00 more and hour and only have to raise their prices by ½ a cent. Of course that would cost the owner money so don’t count on it.

Ron C I’m interested in your last comment. Please indicate where you found that estimate. Thanks.

@Ron_C Wal-Mart’s a symptom of much greater problems. Choose your battles.

@ItsAHabit “Screwed” by Thom Hartmann

@zophu You are correct it is a symptom and it also a reality of America’s race to the bottom.

WalMart is the corporatist goal to control the market, control, your mind, and allow the minimal the common man need to sustain life but keep power, education, and wealth for the elite and the real owners of society. Want to get in real trouble as a Walmart employee? Try forming a union. Getting fired is probably the mildest punishment you will receive.

Isn’t the question “What will I do in my Wal-Mart orientation”? How are these responses that bash Wal-Mart helpful? This is the general section, and the bashing is completely off topic. I’m completely confused. I thought I understood what the “general” catergory was. Now I’m not so sure.

@Drcpb It is a tough economy. Good luck at your new job. It will give you the experience you need to find something better in the future. I am aware of a few people here at Fluther that work or have worked at Wal-Mart. Feel free to pm me and I’ll see if they can help you. :)

I’ve found that if you do your best at any job, including some rather humble ones, it pays off in the long run.

Incidentally, a substantial proportion of the U.S. population has worked at McDonald’s and I suspect the same is true of WalMart.

Don’t listen to the scary crap that other people tell you.. at your orientation you will fill out paper work, they will take you on a tour of the store, then they will send you out to look up price’s with another team member, etc.. it takes all day so don’t make plans!! I work graveyard @ walmart & I am very happy there… Good luck & welcome…