What non socially positive answers would you give to the typical questions? (details below)

Non socially positive responses if it’s a ridiculous statement/question. —I couldn’t give a flying fig out of a rolling donut, time to grow up and move out of your parents basement, & it’s not her, it’s you…

Grow a pair?

re: catching an SO sex texting or sharing pics. I’d make a short vid clip of me and someone else, maybe a few someone elses at once doing some randy deeds and then send it to my ex via email and celly. Several times.

The world doesn’t revolve around you, and the only way to really make it seem to a few other people as if it does is to commit felonies and crimes against humanity. So cut it the hell out and accept that sometimes, even most of the time, life sucks and shit won’t go your way. And since everyone else is in this “life sucks” boat, they aren’t as interested in your whiny little problems as you think, so STFU.

Q? “Is Evolution True?”

A – For everyone but you.

Q? “Does Jesus Love Me?”

A – Yes. But everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies People wear the wrist bands saying WWJD, and it stands for “What Would Jesus Do” and it’s to remind them to be more like Jesus in their every move, and it’s actually very effective, as it makes people so annoying you want to nail them to a plank of wood.—Jimmy Carr

What would you do if you caught your SO cheating?
Castrate him

My SO has been sex texting/cyber sexing with someone else, what to do?
See above.

How can I get my neighbor’s dog/s to stop barking?
Shoot it.

@Dr_Dredd
How do I get my neighbor’s dog/s to stop barking?
Go and open the side gate so they run away. that’s what someone did to our dogs

For questions like that, I don’t think people really want answers- they just want to vent and for someone to hear them out, because they feel powerless. You can’t go back in time and make your ex not cheat.

What if I want my friend’s bf/gf to become mine?

D’uh! Dance-off, of course!

That or flash your goodies at your lust object at the next get-together, and force their face on them in public, so everyone is clear as to your intentions. When you friend objects, kick ‘em in the teeth and tell ‘em to piss off.

@Neizvestnaya That’s horrible! Did you ever get them back?

@Dr_Dredd
We did. Luckily my mom came home from running errands and got a phone call from a gal who found them in the nearby park. We’re lucky no one removed the collars. I’ve since put a lock on the gate. Whoever let them out was awfully brave though to chance a big Pit Bull come rushing out.

Does he love me? Oh my goodness, how many times have I seen that. My answer these days is usually “no.”

@perspicacious
Does he love me?- No and that’s why he just grins at you all weird, squeezes your hand, says you’re “so sweet” and then changes the subject.

@aprilsimnel “dance-off, of course!”

OMG so funny! What a visual… hahahaha.