Counselor=Mr. Mackey
This is the script.
COUNSELOR
Okay. Now, uh, as your counselor,
I’m here to tell you about drugs and
alcohol and why they are bad, okay?
The kids just sit there and blink.
COUNSELOR
So, first of all… Smokin’s bad…
You shouldn’t smoke. And uh, alcohol
is bad, you shouldn’t drink alcohol.
And as for drugs, well, drugs are
bad you shouldn’t do drugs. Okay,
that about wraps up my introduction,
now are there any questions? Yes,
Stan?
STAN
Why do dogs have cold noses?
COUNSELOR
Uh… I’m not sure.
STAN
Oh.
COUNSELOR
Now, uh, let’s focus our discussion
first on Marijuana. Marijuana is
bad. And it also has a very distinct
smell, Okay? I’m going to pass around
just a little tiny bit, and I want
you all to take a smell, so you know
when someone is smokin’ Marijuana
near you.
He hands a small tray with a bud of pot on it to the first
kid on the end. (Pip). Pip smells it, grimaces, then passes
it on.
COUNSELOR
Okay, Just take a smell, pass it on,
and when it gets back up to me, we’ll
finish talking about it. In the
meantime, I want to get into alcohol
a little… Okay, Uh, alcohol is
bad… If you drink alcohol…
As the counselor AD LIBs the rest of his speech, the boys
whisper to each other.
KYLE
Hey, are you guys gonna come to Ike’s
party this weekend?
STAN
Your little brother is having a party?
Why, is it his birthday?
KYLE
No, It’s his Bris.
CARTMAN
What the hell is a Bris?
KYLE
I dunno. But there’s gonna be lots
of food and a band!
CARTMAN
Oh, kick ass. I wanna have a Bris!
COUNSELOR
...and so that’s why alcohol is bad.
Has that marijuana made it back up
here yet?
(no response)
No? Okay, let’s talk about LSD… uh
children, LSD is bad. it’s a drug
made famous by John Lennon and Paul
McCartney…
STAN
Hey, are we supposed to get your
little brother presents for a Bris?
KYLE
Uh… I’m not sure.
STAN
Well, dude, you better find out.
COUNSELOR
Boys are you paying attention?
STAN
(Mr. Mackey’s voice)
Sorry, Mr. Mackey, okay?
COUNSELOR
Okay. Now children, has that marijuana
made it around yet?
No response.
COUNSELOR
Uh, who has the marijuana now?
(silence)
Okay, whoever has the marijuana just
pass it up to the front row.
No response.
COUNSELOR
Oh oh.