Is it bad that I get happy when my ex does shitty?

It’s normal if your ex dumped you.

I would say it’s not bad, and it’s probably pretty natural to get that grin as long as after two years you don’t have ill will, because that’s just a waste of energy.

If you are hoping she is doing shitty then you are wasting time on things that are irrelevant. I know people that have done me a wrong in the past and in the short term hoped they felt some misery, but there comes a time when they are not part of my consciousness anymore so what happens to them doesn’t matter to me.

I would ask the question, is this person a Facebook friend, or was there a comment made to someone else. If this person is on your friend list and you are taking pleasure in her misery I’m thinking that person shouldn’t be on your list in the first place.

To me it sounds that you both are better off apart.

@birdland33

Friends list doesn’t necessarily mean friend. I’m very far off from her real life friend. She added me. Facebook is just a big archive of people’s lives. That’s one reason why I rarely “participate” in facebook, it’s kind of dumb and can come back to screw you actually lol.

@Cruiser
agreed

Like every break up, there is fault on both sides. That would be her problem…would move on forget it. Know it hurt.

Those wacky Germans even have a word for this. It’s called Schadenfreude. Totally normal.

I can relate. I love to see how ridiculous someone is still living his/her life after treating me like dirt. If it’s because she mistreated you, it’s called “holding a grudge” which, in my opinion is okay, as long as you don’t let it take over your life. You can harbor resentment with someone for good reason. Enjoy. I do.

@ubersiren

Thats the word. Grudge. thanks

Kind of ironic that the Germans came up with that word, laureth haha

How long has it been (the break-up)? If it was recent, you’re feeling bitter, perhaps (say, if they treated you terribly). Or perhaps, you’re not happy yourself and you enjoy seeing them unhappy, as well (which is sad).

If it was awhile ago, you should be over it and not gives two shits.

Well yes it is indeed normal. But you didn’t ask if it was normal. Earthquakes are normal. Cancer is normal. Sunrises are normal. Normal does not justify anything as good or bad. You asked if it was bad.

Why not simply wish her well in life, with or without you?

We fear being bested. We fear being insufficient. We’ve been taught from a very early age that we are terrific, worthy of the “wow”. As adults, we learn that wow isn’t good enough. It has no long term value. It’s just a quicky ego boost, not all that different from an addict snorting a line.

If she had instead announced her wedding plans, would that be cause for sadness?

Let us reprogram our hearts and minds in empathy for one another. Let us join in one another’s suffering. Let us rejoice in the triumph’s of everyone. Let us grow in our humanity together. Let us condition the human condition with selfless love.

I too, in the past, have experienced the same situation as you describe. I am not a better person for it. By feeding my ego with the mishaps of another, I am a worse person.

The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

I’d say that there is still some thread of emotional attachment.

Once you have really healed and moved on from a broken relationship there is zero attachment to what the other person is doing, no desire to keep tabs from afar and, if anything, a sense of compassion, even if they were complete jerks, because a healthy person knows that everyone has their own cross to bear as they navigate life.

I’d say if it’s been more than a couple of years and someone is still getting a vicarious thrill from an ex’s misfortunes that it’s a strong sign they still have work to do in putting the past in it’s place.

Normal yes, to a degree, but not healthy.

I think this has to do with not having let go yet. For years, I was the same way. Now all that’s over ; he’s the father of my children. They love him. So, I’ve let go and wish him well. Not because I’m nicer than you. I’ve just let go. It’s so much better for your mental health but it doesn’t happen overnight.

Yes, it’s bad and pointless.

I wouldn’t go so far as to call it bad, but I would point out that you’re more than likely carrying around some unhealthy resentments. Try to work through those. See if you can get over them.

Live free.

After two years? Not bad, but kind of pathetic if you ask me. It’s been that long, and you still care enough to take pleasure from her misfortune? And you’re still keeping up with her Facebook although you haven’t spoken in 2 years? That’s kind of creepy. If I were you, I would remove her from your Facebook and move on with your life.

If she’s on your friends list in FB then it’s bad, she shouldn’t be there if you have those feelings.

If you’re FB stalking her page then it’s not so bad as long as your bitterness isn’t distracting from any good things going on for you.

Like many people, I’ll admit to taking some small nibble of glee if it comes to me someone who’s done me wrong in the past is feeling some of the same now. I find I enjoy it slightly less but still even though I’m in a happy place.

I think it’s very normal and also very bad in the way that it’s unhealthy for you. I agree with @ParaParaYukiko in that way.

Immature.

That is called Schadenfreude, my friend. It’s German. I means “Happiness at the misfortune of others.” It may not be a pleasant thing, but it’s normal.

I find it funny how the word normal makes immorality okay. I am immoral myself, but what bothers me about the fact that you find pleasure in her pain is not that you are pleased, but that you still care about her. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t consider her, much less post the concern here. Nevertheless, it isn’t bad or wrong (if you’re a relativist), but if you are going to ask if something is immoral, why don’t you ask the real question which is,

“should I have feelings for someone I broke up with two years ago and find pleasure in their dismay because I am under the impression that I am the best thing she ever had?”

Screw shadenfreude, don’t beat about the bush. Just tell her how you still care for her.