There’s a strip-tease. Is that bullying? I mean, you get a guy all hot and bothered with no intention of putting out. Kind of mean, right? Even if the guy is paying for the so-called pleasure?
I have a friend who is very acerbic and quick-witted and he really doesn’t suffer fools (anyone who he thinks isn’t as smart as he is) gladly. He tends to “tease” people—stick verbal barbs in them—rather unmercifully. The only thing he seems to respect is when you can do it back to him. Surprise him. Zing him. Let him know he’s not the only brain in the room.
He’s fun, and it’s fun to rag on each other, and it turns out he’s the proverbial pussycat underneath—very damaged. But I don’t like it when he picks on new people in the group who have no idea what to make of him and wonder why he’s saying what he does and whether it’s true or not.
So I’ll try to protect them either by jumping on top of my friend (verbally) from the get-go, so he can go after me instead of the newbies, or by trying to explain to them that this is just his way and they shouldn’t pay it any attention. Sometimes I’ll just tell him to shut up. That’s always a hoot.
Anyway, I think he’s a bully, but I’ve generally had a way of standing up to bullies. He has also been bullied a lot, most recently in the county jail. There are some things he won’t talk about, but I’ll just say he lost a few teeth while in there.
It’s a classic story, though, of paternal abuse and an inability to please and on and on, resulting, later in life, in bipolar disorder. Probably resulting, I think. We don’t know for sure how environment messes with the genes on this. But a lifetime of feeling bad about yourself, I believe, contributes to the development of the disorder.
I guess I’m saying that bullies come from somewhere, and it usually isn’t pretty. But I also think bullying behavior can easily break out anywhere where people have given up on compassion. But also, if you agree on the rules, it can be fun to bust on each other.
Maybe what I’m getting from this is that the line shifts depending on context. It depends on the existing relationship between people. But perhaps most of all, it depends on compassion. If the teasing has no compassion, it is bullying. With compassion; with caring for the person you are teasing, then it is only teasing. Although there are exceptions. If the person being teased, even compassionately teased has no power to say stop, then it’s bullying, whether the teaser knows it or not. Ignorance of the other person’s feelings is lack of compassion.