Do you have any funny stories like this?

I had a bottle of water on the nightstand, wanted to shake it up (have no idea why) and thought it had a lid.Water splashed in my face.

I recently mistook hairspray for deodorant and spent several hours walking around like a seagull in flight.

I recently mistook my wife for a hat.

no… wait. I guess that was Oliver Sack’s patient. I’ve got to stop living in books!

Never mind.

@wundayatta

lololol I remember that book title, can’t remember if I read it now. haha

My eyesight is getting pretty fuzzy without the ol’ cheater specs these days, driving is still good but sometimes the close to mid-range stuff gets a bit out of focus.

In the last year I have asked some middle schoolers if I could ‘pet their dog’ when the ‘dog’ was a pile of black backpacks. lol

I have misread and become outraged at a sign on a fuel pump that I thought said ‘we have no FEELING for the handicapped’ instead of ‘we have no FUELING for the handicapped.’ :-/

I misread a book title in a bookstore that was a kids book called ’ My daddy is a doodlebug’ as ’ My daddy is a douche bag.’ ( Seriously! )

I have verrrry carefully picked up what I thoguht was a squashed frog in my litchen and it turned out to be a leaf.

The list goes on….some of my best stories arise from my failing eyesight. haha

@Coloma those were really funny!!

My nephew once called to his dad to “come wipe me” from the bathroom, my bro-in-law grabbed a pop up container of wipes under the sink and did the deed. Later that evening my nephew complained his butt was sore and showed a rash. Bro-in-law had used bathroom cleaning wipes instead of baby wipes, he hadn’t noticed in his rush the containers were different.

Before my lasik surgery, I was seriously legally blind. I couldn’t see anything that was more than six inches from my face.
Well, I was taking a nap one afternoon, when my 5 and 7 year old started making a ruckus, waking me up. I sat up, saw the colors and patterns of the shirt my 7 year old had been wearing (which was the only way I could recognize some one without my glasses, like at the pool and stuff when I was a kid) in front of me, where it appeared she was sitting in a chair, and started yelling at it. .... Until I heard helpless giggling from behind me. Sigh. There was no person in the shirt. It was just a shirt tossed over a chair. I HATE it when my authority goes in the dirt like that! :) They still give me hell about it!

I was in line at a pharmacy. I noticed this lady sort of behind me was grinning. When I got home, I had a 12” slit up the back of my shirt. I cannot believe that woman didn’t tell me.

@Aster…..I agree. It wasn’t very nice not to tell you about it.

Oh…my story reminds me. When my daughter was crawling, about 8, 9 months old, I had run down stairs to start a load of laundry. She started crying (she hated being away from me at all) which was OK, because as long as she was crying I knew right where she was and that she was OK. Well, I heard her crying move along the floor of the living room, up to the top of the stairs…..and then the crying stopped. Of course, I rushed up stairs to check on her….and she was patting the white bathroom I wore every morning, and which was tossed over the gate to the stairs. My goodness! The look on her precious baby face when she saw me coming up the stairs! And then she looked at the bathroom she was patting, then looked at me, sat back and started crying for real! Poor kid!

@Dutchess_III They can really wrap you around their finger, can’t they? Darling.

Yes! Especially at those ages! It’s SO hard to stick with your guns and with the discipline….sorry…little or no discipline at 9 months, but at two and three they’re still so dang cute you don’t want to get them in trouble for anything!

I was at an outdoor potluck party and a friend served herself up a big plate of watermelon and topped it with a bunch of whipped cream, which turned out to be mayonnaise.

@Zaku Ewwww…haha
@Dutchess_III
Awwww…baaaaybees..
@Aster
Recently a woman told me I had a hole in my skirt..good thing it was an underware day! haha

@Coloma :( I miss them.

@Dutchess_III

Me too, those were some precious years!, Bittersweet huh?

Recently I was at my favorite oyster joint and is my custom, ordered fried oysters (fresh ones are hard to get right now, thanks BP), a bowl of gumbo and a glass of iced tea.
The gumbo arrived first, and I did what I always do and crumpled some crackers into it. Only… my mind was on something else and when I looked down I saw that I had loaded my iced tea with cracker crumbs (instead of sweetener). Yech!

@Austinlad LOL!!

Somebody I know was annoyed at his son for coming home bombed out of his mind yet again. When his son woke up he felt awful and asked for a glass of water. His father brought him what looked like a half glass of water.and his son took a gulp and spat it all over the bed. It was vodka.

When I was a child and going through my hamster phase, I bought these little blue and red crunchy round treats for them. I had them in a container on my desk. At one time, my dad spotted them and decided they looked yummy. He poured himself a bowl and said he had a nice breakfast.

@Vunessuh

Your hamster phase..lol

Partially reprinted from another question:
Okay, here is a long story about my wife and me.
My wife was hit by a drunk driver. She was unable to move her neck after the accident, and she was taken to the emergency room on a stretcher, with her hands and legs bound, and her neck strapped down.
When I got to the hospital, a good 45 minutes later, she was in the same position, and did not know what was happening. I told her I had to go find out, and she held my hand, begging me to stay. I comforted her for a couple of minutes, then told her I would go talk to a Doctor.
I found a nurse, and the nurse said my wife was fine; that this was all proceedure, and that she would be going home after X-rays.
I walked back into my wifes room, looked at the chart, sat on her bed, held her hand, and said:
“Honey, do you know about Christopher Reeve?”
Well, she started laughing. Anyone else would have gone hysterical, or hit me, but she knew my sense of humor, and knew I wouldn’t make jokes if it were serious.
In short, she got me.

@filmfann

Haha…sounds like a definite ‘get.’

@lloydbird, try getting deodorant in your mouth! Just as bad if not worse. Spend the next few hours in puke position/mode!

My dad once mistook Preparation H for toothpaste. Talk about causing your lips to pucker.

I was eating beef jerky at my sister’s house. I told my sis that her beef jerky really sucked. She started laughing because instead of bad beef jerky it was good dog treats.

@Coloma “In the last year I have asked some middle schoolers if I could ‘pet their dog’ when the ‘dog’ was a pile of black backpacks. lol” I can’t stop reading this stuff of yours. LOL!!
You sound like a Lot of fun!

I was horribly stressed out years ago and went grocery shopping. They loaded
up a big load into the bags which I put in my cart. I paid, got my receipt, picked up my purse, then
WALKED OFF WITHOUT THE GROCERIES.

I accidentally drove off with $20 worth of gas one day, and forgot to pay for it. I turned myself in the next day, though!

A male German friend who spoke English well but did not always know the American term for something asked the girl next to him in class if she would lend him a rubber [eraser] and was very surprised at her reaction.