Do girls become their mothers?

Not always. I didn’t care much for my Mother, and the way she did things, so I am nothing like her. But sometimes it skips a generation, because my daughter is exactly like her. Try to pay attention to how much the two women you are thinking of are now. If you see likenesses now, odds are they will grow stronger over time. sorry if this is confusing. I haven’t had my morning coffee yet.

studys also show kids look to their mom to know they are loved but they look to their fathers to know who they are

in this case, it seems that i’m safe. the two clash all the the time, but they are as close as i’d expect a daughter and mother to be.

Weird thing… my wife doesn’t really like her mom’s behavior in several ways… but when they get on the phone together (or whenever my wife talks to anyone on that side of the family, really), she starts using the same tone of voice, the same colloquialisms, even her body language changes.

It’s bizarre. And she doesn’t know she’s doing it. She can’t see it in herself. Really gotta break out the camcorder for this.

Even tho I say I am nothing like my Mother, I bet I do the same thing! I have some of the same mannerisms, etc. I’m not happy about it!! You made me do some thinking today. Thanks!

It’s very common, yes, but if you point it out to them, they will deny it, and resent you for making the observation.

I think that how people relate to one another, and respond to one another is hardwired by how they were treated by their parents.

If this was a good experience, they may try and emulate the best traits of their mothers. If this was a bad experience, they’ll do everything they can to be nothing like them.

@chaosrob, true that.

I sure hope not.

Figbash is SO RIGHT. But wanting to be different from someone and doing it are very
different operations. Most people aren’t conscious enough to change more than the
surface traits – clothing or whatever. It takes a lot of self-examination to change
worldviews learned unconsciously in childhood. Most people need help to do this because they’re inside those worldviews.
This is why chaosrob’s comment is so recognizably true. We don’t WANT to believe
we’re the same as difficult parents; we ASSERT we’re not, so it really annoys us
when people point out the obvious failure of our assertion. Hard work.

I’ve seen that happen far too many times to say no, but not enough to really say yes either. Basically, I’d say if you’re afraid, BE AFRAID!!!

Yes!

I would recommend any man interested in a woman to take a good long look at her mother, and realize that there are certain ways in which that those two women will be alike. They are of course different as well—and it does have to do with self awareness. An author I recently read talked of taking ten years of very intense therapy to rid himself of what he considered were very bad parental traits—and only then did he decide with his wife that they were ready to be good parents! The worst are those who dislike their parents and can’t see the similarities to themselves—these can be men or women.

It wasn’t until I was in therapy that I realized how much my mother (and father) had impacted my life. I wouldn’t say that women always necessarily “become” their mothers, but if the parents are at all involved in their daughters’ upbringing they will most certainly pass on certain patterns. For example, in my case, a sense of martyrdom and just “going along with what everyone else wants” rather than standing up for what I want. It has taken me a long while to look at my parents and pick the great things about them to try to emulate and try to break myself of the bad habits that they have instilled in me. And not everyone can do this, so a lot of people might end up just emulating them, the good along with the bad.

If your question has to do with “insanity” or mental health issues, as your list of topics suggest…well, then IMHO it has little to do with mothers and daughters and more to do with the mere fact that mental health issues are often hereditary.